Saturday 10:04 PM 5-13-06
I'm back from vegas :)
I had a great time. I missed Jimbo like crazy, but I had a great time as well.
I walked a TON. This is a great city for exercise!! I even have swollen feet with weird red what looks like rash on them. Jim says the walking was too much for my feet, so they got blood trapped under the skin. Who knows, it doesnt hurt anymore, and it doesn't itch. So we will wait and see if my feet fall off (just kidding)
Vegas is great. We went to the strip, I rode the rides (2 of them) at the stratosphere. That was a THRILLLLLL -- seeing the strip from the viewpoint of dangling over the stratosphere tower was GRAND!!! If you click on the name of this post, it will take you to the site with the videos of the rides :):)
Vegas seems to be very accessible. My dad had to rent a motorized scooter, as he broke his leg/ankle 2 weeks before the trip. (think, hoverround, or rascal) - There were not that many places that he could not get to. I was surprised. :) I hope that he never needs to BUY one of those things or use it daily, but I was glad to know he could still get around.
We didn't make it to the grand canyon. The glass walkout they are building is still under construction. My dad was really looking forward to that, so I am glad that we called ahead and didn't just drive the 5 hrs and get him disappointed.
We listened to a resort timeshare presentation to get free tickets for American Superstars at Stratosphere, they had impersonators of Elvis, Michael Jackson, Tim McGraw,Britney Spears, and Christina Aguliera. It was a great show, and after that I got pictures of Vegas at night, and rode those thrill rides... great great great.
We saw the lions at MGM Grand, and the fountains at Bellagio, and Sigfried and Roy's White Tiger. We saw the shops and fountains at Caesar's Palace. We ate at the Rio (huge buffet) - we toured Circus Circus... (side note, the lady who guesses your weight at the carnival... guessed my dad's age, and lost... she guessed him as 44 and he is 54...... we may never hear the end of "how young he looks" LOL LOL )
We went one evening late to Freemont street (old las vegas, not the strip, downtown) we saw the overhead laser light show, and saw a street performer too. He was painted (yup painted) metalic silver, all over, and moved like a robot. I have a picture of me with him... I was busy buying a soda and wondering what everyone was looking at. I didn't think he was a person, just a robot. Very funny for me to find that he is indeed a man. Very cool.
In Vegas I saw my first of a couple of things. I saw my first prostitution transaction... (as in, girl is walking down street and back several times, then girl leans into guy's window, girl gets into his car, and drives away) very sad that one. I guess I can not be 100% positive that was what was going on, but all signs point to YUP. I sat in my first bumper to bumper rush hour where you could have shut off your car for a bit, and not moved anywhere anyway... driving there takes more assertive driving skills than I have.. .for sure..
I took lots of pictures. I hope to add some to here or Flickr soon.
I did gamble a grand total of about 15 dollars, but I got 10 free drinks from being at the machine for so long, so in my mind, it evened out :) -- A gambler I am not. I guess it is a good thing though :) :)
Plenty of time was spent at the resort pool as well, so that was a good time. I even remembered to put on the sunscreen, and only got a slight sunburn on my lower arms. That is a great accomplishment for pasty white me :) :)
Ok, enough for now, more with pictures later :)
Angel Chasse (again)
5/13/2006
5/05/2006
Viva Las Vegas
So,
I am leaving for Las Vegas on Sunday morning early, and coming back Friday morning.
I am going there on a strict budget. I have found tons of sites that list free things to see and do while there. I am not much of a gambler, so that is not a problem. I have bad luck anyway :)
I am going with my mom and dad and an aunt. I am going because my brother was going to go, and at the last minute couldn't make it.
I really think I will have a good time, as I am easy to amuse for the most part. I will really miss Jimbo though. I don't like to be away from him, but he has classes, and finals to study for, so... what do you do? The good news is my parents may be planning another vacation for October, and if they plan right, Jimbo will be able to make it because school has a break then ;) *crosses fingers*
I am so nervous.. flying, lots of people, lots of chances to get lost or separated from the people I am with, crowds... did I mention crowds? Eating in a strange environment... urgh... but, I have willed myself to have fun!!!
It is supposed to be 94 the whole time we are there (in the daylight anyway) - Jim says it won't seem that hot, "because it is a dry heat"... I hope that he is right, because I am not a huge fan of sweating etc. The resort has a couple of pools though, so hopefully we will make time to use them :)
We will also be taking a day trip to the Grand Canyon, and my dad wants to visit an old west, or ghost town, so that should be great. My mom and dad will be having their 15th wedding anniversary Wednesday while we are there, so that should be fun for them too.
Ahh.. my dad has a broken leg, so he has a velcro boot/cast thing. He is very worried that he wont be able to get around. I am going to call about a scooter now...
Wish me luck on my vacation :)
Angel Chasse (again)
PS....
Love you Jim!!!!
I am leaving for Las Vegas on Sunday morning early, and coming back Friday morning.
I am going there on a strict budget. I have found tons of sites that list free things to see and do while there. I am not much of a gambler, so that is not a problem. I have bad luck anyway :)
I am going with my mom and dad and an aunt. I am going because my brother was going to go, and at the last minute couldn't make it.
I really think I will have a good time, as I am easy to amuse for the most part. I will really miss Jimbo though. I don't like to be away from him, but he has classes, and finals to study for, so... what do you do? The good news is my parents may be planning another vacation for October, and if they plan right, Jimbo will be able to make it because school has a break then ;) *crosses fingers*
I am so nervous.. flying, lots of people, lots of chances to get lost or separated from the people I am with, crowds... did I mention crowds? Eating in a strange environment... urgh... but, I have willed myself to have fun!!!
It is supposed to be 94 the whole time we are there (in the daylight anyway) - Jim says it won't seem that hot, "because it is a dry heat"... I hope that he is right, because I am not a huge fan of sweating etc. The resort has a couple of pools though, so hopefully we will make time to use them :)
We will also be taking a day trip to the Grand Canyon, and my dad wants to visit an old west, or ghost town, so that should be great. My mom and dad will be having their 15th wedding anniversary Wednesday while we are there, so that should be fun for them too.
Ahh.. my dad has a broken leg, so he has a velcro boot/cast thing. He is very worried that he wont be able to get around. I am going to call about a scooter now...
Wish me luck on my vacation :)
Angel Chasse (again)
PS....
Love you Jim!!!!
4/27/2006
Jim has a blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOO HOO!!!
Jim has a blog. Visit it :)
I have been meaning to blog more often, but it seems like I have an idea and then I forget :)
I am going on a trip to vegas soon, with my parents. I wasn't orignally slated to go with them, but someone backed out, so I get to go in their place. It will be a feat of creative budgeting to be sure, but it should be fun as well ;) It may be just my style too, because my dad broke a bone in his leg/ankle, so he will be slower than his usual "let's walk 40000 miles in one day while on vacation" self :)
Grand Canyon and a lot of sight seeing, and signing up for books at every casino to get free stuff :) Sounds like fun to me :)
On to the next info on the trip. Jim is not going. He has finals to study for, and etc etc... so... I will miss him a TON. I don't do too well without him, so it makes me feel better that since his cell is verizon and mine too, we can chat for free ;)
I have been signing up to get free samples and stuff by mail lately, it's a fun way to kill some time on the internet :) - I can't say whether you will get spam if you sign up for these things, but if you'd like, here is the link I use most often :)
http://www.savingadvice.com/freebies.php
Enjoy, have a good week!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
Jim has a blog. Visit it :)
I have been meaning to blog more often, but it seems like I have an idea and then I forget :)
I am going on a trip to vegas soon, with my parents. I wasn't orignally slated to go with them, but someone backed out, so I get to go in their place. It will be a feat of creative budgeting to be sure, but it should be fun as well ;) It may be just my style too, because my dad broke a bone in his leg/ankle, so he will be slower than his usual "let's walk 40000 miles in one day while on vacation" self :)
Grand Canyon and a lot of sight seeing, and signing up for books at every casino to get free stuff :) Sounds like fun to me :)
On to the next info on the trip. Jim is not going. He has finals to study for, and etc etc... so... I will miss him a TON. I don't do too well without him, so it makes me feel better that since his cell is verizon and mine too, we can chat for free ;)
I have been signing up to get free samples and stuff by mail lately, it's a fun way to kill some time on the internet :) - I can't say whether you will get spam if you sign up for these things, but if you'd like, here is the link I use most often :)
http://www.savingadvice.com/freebies.php
Enjoy, have a good week!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
4/14/2006
Grandma....I'm getting older...
Friday, April 14th 2006 11:21PM
So this week was pretty eventful. Not the good kind really either.
Monday afternoon my grandma and aunt came here. My aunt had some testing scheduled for Tues morning. They visited, stayed the night with my mom and dad, and then I went with them to the heart part of the hospital from 6am to about 5pm. Great news, my aunt Pennie was great, or at least her heart was. They took the pictures, found no blockages,and did no repairs. She just needs to figure out now why her heart is enlarged, which caused this testing in the first place......
So tuesday evening they go home, and I get some sleep. Cut to wednesday evening...
My aunt Shirley calls. Grandma has had a heart attack, and is being flown in the helicopter here. Things look grave Shirley says. Mom and I go to wait for the helicopter and to see grandma. We get into the ER room they have her in. They tell us that they were able to give her a medicine to break up the blockage, and it seems to be working, so they will wait til morning, and get her into the cath lab, to see if there are any other blockages, or if there is any damage... about 20 mins after we get to see her, she starts having this episode of bad heart rythyms, and says her arm and chest hurt again. The cardiologist comes in and says they will take her to the cath lab right now, we are shown to a waiting room, and told they will most likely find a blockage and clear it. An hour and 20 mins later, the dr comes out, says they put a stent in, and that she had a temporary pacemaker for now. Her heart rate had went down to 20 beats per minute, and she had a heart attack basically while they were working on her.... cut to today.. she is fine (as fine as she's going to be) and went home this evening....
So. I am glad that my grandma is feeling better. I hate that I am getting older now, and so things like this are going to happen more and more frequently. And, that my grandma doesn't take care of herself like she should, and there is nothing I can do about it. Even guilting her into feeling sorry for ME if I were to lose her won't work. It is clear that she wants to go be with my grandpa, but man... it gets a person to thinking. I don't want to lose my grandma, but I don't deny that it will happen. I don't want to lose ANYONE in my life, but I have to admit that I will. Ick.. I don't like the thought of it at all. Mortality.....We lost my grandpa in May of 2003.. as hard as that was on me, I can't imagine how it was for my mom. That was her DAD. Seems weird... and sad.. and at the same time..natural... circle of life, way of the world, however you want to think of it...
I guess I can at least take comfort in the fact that Jim and I are really heading in a more healthy direction. We are not oblivious anymore to what we eat, and how it will affect us.
But, folks, getting older doesn't seem to be all that it might be cracked up to be. Sure, I am old enough to vote now, and drink, and old enough to do most anything I want, but geesh... some baggage comes with this getting older junk. I would rather not have this kind of baggage!!!!!!!!!
In good news though, it appears that this apartment will not be nearly as warm as the one we lived in last summer. I am pretty excited about that :)
Angel Chasse (again)
So this week was pretty eventful. Not the good kind really either.
Monday afternoon my grandma and aunt came here. My aunt had some testing scheduled for Tues morning. They visited, stayed the night with my mom and dad, and then I went with them to the heart part of the hospital from 6am to about 5pm. Great news, my aunt Pennie was great, or at least her heart was. They took the pictures, found no blockages,and did no repairs. She just needs to figure out now why her heart is enlarged, which caused this testing in the first place......
So tuesday evening they go home, and I get some sleep. Cut to wednesday evening...
My aunt Shirley calls. Grandma has had a heart attack, and is being flown in the helicopter here. Things look grave Shirley says. Mom and I go to wait for the helicopter and to see grandma. We get into the ER room they have her in. They tell us that they were able to give her a medicine to break up the blockage, and it seems to be working, so they will wait til morning, and get her into the cath lab, to see if there are any other blockages, or if there is any damage... about 20 mins after we get to see her, she starts having this episode of bad heart rythyms, and says her arm and chest hurt again. The cardiologist comes in and says they will take her to the cath lab right now, we are shown to a waiting room, and told they will most likely find a blockage and clear it. An hour and 20 mins later, the dr comes out, says they put a stent in, and that she had a temporary pacemaker for now. Her heart rate had went down to 20 beats per minute, and she had a heart attack basically while they were working on her.... cut to today.. she is fine (as fine as she's going to be) and went home this evening....
So. I am glad that my grandma is feeling better. I hate that I am getting older now, and so things like this are going to happen more and more frequently. And, that my grandma doesn't take care of herself like she should, and there is nothing I can do about it. Even guilting her into feeling sorry for ME if I were to lose her won't work. It is clear that she wants to go be with my grandpa, but man... it gets a person to thinking. I don't want to lose my grandma, but I don't deny that it will happen. I don't want to lose ANYONE in my life, but I have to admit that I will. Ick.. I don't like the thought of it at all. Mortality.....We lost my grandpa in May of 2003.. as hard as that was on me, I can't imagine how it was for my mom. That was her DAD. Seems weird... and sad.. and at the same time..natural... circle of life, way of the world, however you want to think of it...
I guess I can at least take comfort in the fact that Jim and I are really heading in a more healthy direction. We are not oblivious anymore to what we eat, and how it will affect us.
But, folks, getting older doesn't seem to be all that it might be cracked up to be. Sure, I am old enough to vote now, and drink, and old enough to do most anything I want, but geesh... some baggage comes with this getting older junk. I would rather not have this kind of baggage!!!!!!!!!
In good news though, it appears that this apartment will not be nearly as warm as the one we lived in last summer. I am pretty excited about that :)
Angel Chasse (again)
4/09/2006
Friends....
Sunday, April 9th 2006 949pm
Friends.....can't live with them, can't.........
Ok, I have come to the conclusion that I am a horrible friend. And I am horrible at the whole process of being someone's friend. I have some online friends, and for the most part, I don't do too bad with the back and forth of friendship there.
Maybe the fact that I don't like to go out and about much anymore, and am always nervous, and hate being around new people, has a lot to do with my not being a good friend, but I am not really sure if it is just that.
I *want* people to like me, I really do. I *want* to have friends. But, I feel all icky, like I am going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, or embarrass them, or me... so then I stop going out and doing things with them, and I stop returning their calls, or picking up when they do call. I start obsessing over how lame I am, and how I should just go and see them, and do stuff with them etc...
I did this with 2 of my best friends.. well, more than that but these two in particular. Shannon and Shelly. I was close with them, they seemed to get me, and I seemed to get them. Then it started. Shannon moved away, then came back to the town I lived in. She called, and asked me to come over and just hang out etc... I did it like... 2 times.. total. In about a year... the rest of the time I wouldn't pick up the phone, and I was freaking out.. what would I say, what would I do, etc.... urgh.. so now she lives across the country, and I don't see her at all. :( big mistake there, she is a great person!!
Shelly, same thing. I had all the time in the world to hang out with her and become even better friends, but instead I stayed home, and made excuses for why I shouldn't go hang out. *I really am lame sometimes... truly*
I just think it is INSANE to not spend time with people that you like. I also think it is lame that being my friend should be WORK for the other person. Just ask my husband. Being my husband is about the most work one person can do... geesh...
I am not sure why I am posting this, I guess just to vent, and to get it out there... if anyone is reading this, don't alienate your friends... be a good friend. It's good for you I think.... I just need to take my own advice. But, that will come with time I suppose... we'll see
What else is new? Oh, it's been pretty warm out, and I hate that, cuz it signals that SUMMER is on it's way.... ICK..sweating is NOT cool ;)
I am now also addicted to "Family Guy" -- the little baby Stewie on that show is FUNNNNNY.... but anyway... it's late, and I should quit babbling now.... Take care everyone :)
Angel Chasse (again)
Friends.....can't live with them, can't.........
Ok, I have come to the conclusion that I am a horrible friend. And I am horrible at the whole process of being someone's friend. I have some online friends, and for the most part, I don't do too bad with the back and forth of friendship there.
Maybe the fact that I don't like to go out and about much anymore, and am always nervous, and hate being around new people, has a lot to do with my not being a good friend, but I am not really sure if it is just that.
I *want* people to like me, I really do. I *want* to have friends. But, I feel all icky, like I am going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, or embarrass them, or me... so then I stop going out and doing things with them, and I stop returning their calls, or picking up when they do call. I start obsessing over how lame I am, and how I should just go and see them, and do stuff with them etc...
I did this with 2 of my best friends.. well, more than that but these two in particular. Shannon and Shelly. I was close with them, they seemed to get me, and I seemed to get them. Then it started. Shannon moved away, then came back to the town I lived in. She called, and asked me to come over and just hang out etc... I did it like... 2 times.. total. In about a year... the rest of the time I wouldn't pick up the phone, and I was freaking out.. what would I say, what would I do, etc.... urgh.. so now she lives across the country, and I don't see her at all. :( big mistake there, she is a great person!!
Shelly, same thing. I had all the time in the world to hang out with her and become even better friends, but instead I stayed home, and made excuses for why I shouldn't go hang out. *I really am lame sometimes... truly*
I just think it is INSANE to not spend time with people that you like. I also think it is lame that being my friend should be WORK for the other person. Just ask my husband. Being my husband is about the most work one person can do... geesh...
I am not sure why I am posting this, I guess just to vent, and to get it out there... if anyone is reading this, don't alienate your friends... be a good friend. It's good for you I think.... I just need to take my own advice. But, that will come with time I suppose... we'll see
What else is new? Oh, it's been pretty warm out, and I hate that, cuz it signals that SUMMER is on it's way.... ICK..sweating is NOT cool ;)
I am now also addicted to "Family Guy" -- the little baby Stewie on that show is FUNNNNNY.... but anyway... it's late, and I should quit babbling now.... Take care everyone :)
Angel Chasse (again)
3/30/2006
List of sites I visit...
Thursday March 30th 2006 1:23 PM
I wasn't sure what to blog about, but I knew I wanted to blog... so I am posting a list of sites that I visit regularly, and I am asking that anyone who reads this (all 1 of you) LOL -- Suggest more interesting places to spend my time on the net.. :)
www.keloland.com -- Sioux Falls, SD News Site
www.usbank.com -- My Bank
www.rosie.com -- Rosie's Blog.. *SHE* always has something to say..
www.noaa.gov -- Good weather site
www.gmail.com -- Email of Course
www.justlu.com -- Lu's Blog.. check it out
http://drdeborahserani.blogspot.com/ -- Dr Deb's Blog.. check this one out too!
www.crossroads-community.net -- My brother in law's church website..
www.tvguide.com/listings -- boring I know ;)
www.ebay.com -- Ebay of course
www.marthastewart.com -- Queen of all things household-ish
www.realsimple.com -- Great all around site for tips
http://www.greyswriters.com/ -- If you enjoy Grey's...read this blog :)
Other than those, and the websites I use to pay my bills online (cable co, phone co, electric co, etc..) I don't have much ;) I have usually a bbs chat open, msn messenger, yahoo messenger sometimes, and google talk (cuz it is the only one Jim and Tim will use) lol -- boring time on the net, I need to start doing some other stuf online ;)... I did log in through my library card access to take the 3 sections of the US Citizenship exam though (or a practice test of it) -- I was quite ashamed that I only answered 75% of the questions right. That would give me what? a C? SAD SAD SAD... I am waiting for Immigration to come and deport me now... LOL ..
Rainy spring day here.. and HUMID already :( - Not a pleasant sign of things to come.. and EVERYONE makes fun of me for liking fall and winter best... I hate being hot, and I hate the humidity... it is soooooo much easier to put clothes and blankets ON to get warmer.. but, in the summertime, its not like it is EASY to naturally cool yourself.. we have to have AIR CONDITIONING.. ick...
Ok, enough out of me for today ;)
Angel Chasse (again)
I wasn't sure what to blog about, but I knew I wanted to blog... so I am posting a list of sites that I visit regularly, and I am asking that anyone who reads this (all 1 of you) LOL -- Suggest more interesting places to spend my time on the net.. :)
www.keloland.com -- Sioux Falls, SD News Site
www.usbank.com -- My Bank
www.rosie.com -- Rosie's Blog.. *SHE* always has something to say..
www.noaa.gov -- Good weather site
www.gmail.com -- Email of Course
www.justlu.com -- Lu's Blog.. check it out
http://drdeborahserani.blogspot.com/ -- Dr Deb's Blog.. check this one out too!
www.crossroads-community.net -- My brother in law's church website..
www.tvguide.com/listings -- boring I know ;)
www.ebay.com -- Ebay of course
www.marthastewart.com -- Queen of all things household-ish
www.realsimple.com -- Great all around site for tips
http://www.greyswriters.com/ -- If you enjoy Grey's...read this blog :)
Other than those, and the websites I use to pay my bills online (cable co, phone co, electric co, etc..) I don't have much ;) I have usually a bbs chat open, msn messenger, yahoo messenger sometimes, and google talk (cuz it is the only one Jim and Tim will use) lol -- boring time on the net, I need to start doing some other stuf online ;)... I did log in through my library card access to take the 3 sections of the US Citizenship exam though (or a practice test of it) -- I was quite ashamed that I only answered 75% of the questions right. That would give me what? a C? SAD SAD SAD... I am waiting for Immigration to come and deport me now... LOL ..
Rainy spring day here.. and HUMID already :( - Not a pleasant sign of things to come.. and EVERYONE makes fun of me for liking fall and winter best... I hate being hot, and I hate the humidity... it is soooooo much easier to put clothes and blankets ON to get warmer.. but, in the summertime, its not like it is EASY to naturally cool yourself.. we have to have AIR CONDITIONING.. ick...
Ok, enough out of me for today ;)
Angel Chasse (again)
3/22/2006
Most Life Changing Event.....
Ok,
Psychology.....
So... I got an abnormal psychology book. Jim is taking the class, and knew I had an interest in the field, so he got me a book, and I have been following along, and taking practice tests etc. We are looking at how stress or life events causing stress can affect your physical health.
So there was this inventory put together. Life Stress Units or something like that. Anyway, it asks you to rank some "bad things" that could happen to you, in order of how devastating or life changing they would be. In many cases, many cultures, the #1 thing that could happen was death of a spouse. I was thinking to myself as we were reading...yah, that sounds about right to me....
Jim stopped reading, and we discussed... He doesn't think that would be the worst. He thinks that losing his own sight, or a limb, something that was debilitating in his own health or life would be the worst. I get where he is coming from. It would absolutely affect ya. Whereas your spouse dying might not affect some as much as it would me.
That got me thinking about how different the world is for each and every person in it. I mean, not just the physical, like tall, short, fat, skinny... I mean like, we all live in the same world, but we all see it so differently. I personally have a lot of views that are considered "liberal" I suppose, but everyone is so different.
Not sure exactly what I had to add to this discussion, just really thought about how how you view the world really affects how you live, and probably how long you live, and how well you live.. I know, elemetary dear watson.. but... sometimes when Jim and I are talking, and he expresses an opinion or a thought that is WAY different than I would see it, it dawns on me how different people can really be... and shocks me to know that I am married to someone so different than me, and for the most part, it works out just great...... weird eh? See why I don't blog EVERYTHING that I think about? LOL
In other news, I wish that I had learned to sew when I was younger.. now I don't really have the patience or coordination for it... but my cousin (who is 15) is making a quilt.. a really cool one.. wish I could do that, but alas, I would end up all flustered and mad, so I will just pay her to make me one :) LOL
I am also making a calendar in my outlook to remind me of people's bday, so I can be sure to send a special note, or Ecard... if you want to send me your bday info so I can include ya, my email is mciangel@gmail.com
That's all for today.... ;)
Angel Chasse (again)
Psychology.....
So... I got an abnormal psychology book. Jim is taking the class, and knew I had an interest in the field, so he got me a book, and I have been following along, and taking practice tests etc. We are looking at how stress or life events causing stress can affect your physical health.
So there was this inventory put together. Life Stress Units or something like that. Anyway, it asks you to rank some "bad things" that could happen to you, in order of how devastating or life changing they would be. In many cases, many cultures, the #1 thing that could happen was death of a spouse. I was thinking to myself as we were reading...yah, that sounds about right to me....
Jim stopped reading, and we discussed... He doesn't think that would be the worst. He thinks that losing his own sight, or a limb, something that was debilitating in his own health or life would be the worst. I get where he is coming from. It would absolutely affect ya. Whereas your spouse dying might not affect some as much as it would me.
That got me thinking about how different the world is for each and every person in it. I mean, not just the physical, like tall, short, fat, skinny... I mean like, we all live in the same world, but we all see it so differently. I personally have a lot of views that are considered "liberal" I suppose, but everyone is so different.
Not sure exactly what I had to add to this discussion, just really thought about how how you view the world really affects how you live, and probably how long you live, and how well you live.. I know, elemetary dear watson.. but... sometimes when Jim and I are talking, and he expresses an opinion or a thought that is WAY different than I would see it, it dawns on me how different people can really be... and shocks me to know that I am married to someone so different than me, and for the most part, it works out just great...... weird eh? See why I don't blog EVERYTHING that I think about? LOL
In other news, I wish that I had learned to sew when I was younger.. now I don't really have the patience or coordination for it... but my cousin (who is 15) is making a quilt.. a really cool one.. wish I could do that, but alas, I would end up all flustered and mad, so I will just pay her to make me one :) LOL
I am also making a calendar in my outlook to remind me of people's bday, so I can be sure to send a special note, or Ecard... if you want to send me your bday info so I can include ya, my email is mciangel@gmail.com
That's all for today.... ;)
Angel Chasse (again)
3/18/2006
Cheap Healthcare... (has a price)
So, I have had some pain in my chest since about the 10th or so. Constantly there, sometimes gets the sharpness about it.. so.. I waited for it go away.. and it hasn't.. went to the community health place on Monday. SCARY PLACE!!!
The people there... scared me some of them. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that those people were probably sick, and grouchy, and needed help. But geesh, some of those folks were rude, mean, and just.. I don't know.. thoughtless maybe?
That got me, and my dear husband (tm) LOL j/k.... thinking. It got us thinking that it really sucks to not have health insurance. Now, I get disability... but that check is more than a household of 2 can make in this state and qualify for health insurance. So, basically, I was approved to stay home from work, until I get treatment that works and calms the voices, paranoia, panic, nightmares, etc etc... but... because I make over the dollar limit to qualify for health care with my state.. I don't have the means to get treated for these problems...
I know, I know, there are places, there are forms, there are this and that.. the fact that my husband is in college (so that he can make a wage that will support us both if need be in the future) that is a problem as well. We can't get on a subsidized housing list because he is able bodied, and should be working instead of going to school (according to them) -- so.. I get that there are rules, and life is hard, and all of those things.. but I am feeling like... ROCK --- Meet HARDPLACE
So, I pay my rent, utilities, phone, (internet, luxury item there), car insurance, food, necessities, old student loan of mine being garnished... and.. low and behold there is not 383 dollars left over for my to take out my own health insurance plan... WOW... I am not sure what to do. I find myself getting excedingly upset over this, and freaking out about it, but at the same time, I just get angry. If I hadn't let myself feel all of these things, and had just "powered on" and kept working and living the way I was before, we would be doing fine, and I wouldnt have these problems, because I would have a job, that paid the bills, and for health insurance.. URGH.... I think this is just a rant, but I guess I wanted to say that I am scared really to go to the community health place, cuz I am scared that I might catch something really bad there, or that one of those angry patients might just loose it and whip out their gun or something.. but I digress... Jim went with me both times, and I feel much safer with him there... all of this, and my first appt will cost me 52 bucks and the second one the same, and then the test at the heart speciality place will be TONS of money (payment plan for a lifetime) lol -- Ok.. Now I am just rambling on. All this to find out that my heart is really probably 100% fine, and that I should have just sucked it up and waited longer.
Going to the Dr always sucks, but this new stuff.. without insurance.. it sucks so bad a person could get a complex I think.....
A side note.... Lu, keep thinking, and believing that everything will be ok. That is really the best advice I can give ya. Hard and sucky advice it may be, but the best I can do... *hugs* Praying for ya, and sending you the best thoughts...
Angel Chasse (again)
The people there... scared me some of them. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that those people were probably sick, and grouchy, and needed help. But geesh, some of those folks were rude, mean, and just.. I don't know.. thoughtless maybe?
That got me, and my dear husband (tm) LOL j/k.... thinking. It got us thinking that it really sucks to not have health insurance. Now, I get disability... but that check is more than a household of 2 can make in this state and qualify for health insurance. So, basically, I was approved to stay home from work, until I get treatment that works and calms the voices, paranoia, panic, nightmares, etc etc... but... because I make over the dollar limit to qualify for health care with my state.. I don't have the means to get treated for these problems...
I know, I know, there are places, there are forms, there are this and that.. the fact that my husband is in college (so that he can make a wage that will support us both if need be in the future) that is a problem as well. We can't get on a subsidized housing list because he is able bodied, and should be working instead of going to school (according to them) -- so.. I get that there are rules, and life is hard, and all of those things.. but I am feeling like... ROCK --- Meet HARDPLACE
So, I pay my rent, utilities, phone, (internet, luxury item there), car insurance, food, necessities, old student loan of mine being garnished... and.. low and behold there is not 383 dollars left over for my to take out my own health insurance plan... WOW... I am not sure what to do. I find myself getting excedingly upset over this, and freaking out about it, but at the same time, I just get angry. If I hadn't let myself feel all of these things, and had just "powered on" and kept working and living the way I was before, we would be doing fine, and I wouldnt have these problems, because I would have a job, that paid the bills, and for health insurance.. URGH.... I think this is just a rant, but I guess I wanted to say that I am scared really to go to the community health place, cuz I am scared that I might catch something really bad there, or that one of those angry patients might just loose it and whip out their gun or something.. but I digress... Jim went with me both times, and I feel much safer with him there... all of this, and my first appt will cost me 52 bucks and the second one the same, and then the test at the heart speciality place will be TONS of money (payment plan for a lifetime) lol -- Ok.. Now I am just rambling on. All this to find out that my heart is really probably 100% fine, and that I should have just sucked it up and waited longer.
Going to the Dr always sucks, but this new stuff.. without insurance.. it sucks so bad a person could get a complex I think.....
A side note.... Lu, keep thinking, and believing that everything will be ok. That is really the best advice I can give ya. Hard and sucky advice it may be, but the best I can do... *hugs* Praying for ya, and sending you the best thoughts...
Angel Chasse (again)
3/06/2006
Why? Why? Why?
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why do some people cling to and need religion and to be a part of a church, and others do fine without it, or with worshiping in their own private way?
Why do really good things happen to people that don't work for them, and then nothing happens, or bad things happen to people who work hard and live right?
Why do some people insist on pushing their ideas/values/morals/beliefs/expectations on you when you do not do the same thing to them?
Why does the world produce significantly more food than is needed to feed all humans, but we have starving people even here in the US.. one of the world's richest coutries?
Why is religion so fanatical? I mean, people really take it to extremes...
Why can't I decide with 100% certainty what I believe in. I am 27 years old!!!!
Why is mental illness called an illness if it does not make you ill, and if many folks think you should "walk it off" or "just get over it" - why don't they just call it the "you're lazy, emotional, weak, and incorrigible?
Why should I have the right to tell another woman what is right for her circumstances, what is right for her body, and why should I tell her to keep a baby that she doesn't want?
Politically charged, biased, controversial, whatever you think it is.. some questions that I had...
And... why don't people who do good things, and who are good people with good hearts prosper... yet others do..... urgh
Enough for this evening, I'm sure...
Angel Chasse (again)
PS. I saw "Walk The Line" -- I liked it -- it is the only oscar nominated film I saw :) Way to go Reese Witherspoon, congrats on the Oscar!
Why do some people cling to and need religion and to be a part of a church, and others do fine without it, or with worshiping in their own private way?
Why do really good things happen to people that don't work for them, and then nothing happens, or bad things happen to people who work hard and live right?
Why do some people insist on pushing their ideas/values/morals/beliefs/expectations on you when you do not do the same thing to them?
Why does the world produce significantly more food than is needed to feed all humans, but we have starving people even here in the US.. one of the world's richest coutries?
Why is religion so fanatical? I mean, people really take it to extremes...
Why can't I decide with 100% certainty what I believe in. I am 27 years old!!!!
Why is mental illness called an illness if it does not make you ill, and if many folks think you should "walk it off" or "just get over it" - why don't they just call it the "you're lazy, emotional, weak, and incorrigible?
Why should I have the right to tell another woman what is right for her circumstances, what is right for her body, and why should I tell her to keep a baby that she doesn't want?
Politically charged, biased, controversial, whatever you think it is.. some questions that I had...
And... why don't people who do good things, and who are good people with good hearts prosper... yet others do..... urgh
Enough for this evening, I'm sure...
Angel Chasse (again)
PS. I saw "Walk The Line" -- I liked it -- it is the only oscar nominated film I saw :) Way to go Reese Witherspoon, congrats on the Oscar!
3/02/2006
Blog Blog Blog
What is new with me?
We aren't having much of a winter. My Mom still managed to get bronchitis though. Glad she went to the Dr, and got some meds.
Jim is out on spring break.. woo hoo.. he's trying to decide whether he wants to stay with computer science (lotsamath) or go into psychology. We will see how that turns out....
How come I can't make spaghetti without ruining a shirt (or two) -- BUY AN APRON -- I should buy an apron!!!!! On the other hand, the spaghetti was very good. We like it SPICY SPICY!!
I try to be a calm rational person, it does NOT happen. It is so odd.. the thing we really want, is the thing we can't have sometimes... well, not odd so much as infuriating.
I am glad that Dr Deb is getting published big time, she is very smart if you ask me. She seems to know the things that are important to us :)
Has anyone tried Carmel Apple Microwavable popcorn? It looks good :)
Why am I me, why am I not the me I wish I would be? -- That is what I am going to think about this week.
Angel Chasse (again)
We aren't having much of a winter. My Mom still managed to get bronchitis though. Glad she went to the Dr, and got some meds.
Jim is out on spring break.. woo hoo.. he's trying to decide whether he wants to stay with computer science (lotsamath) or go into psychology. We will see how that turns out....
How come I can't make spaghetti without ruining a shirt (or two) -- BUY AN APRON -- I should buy an apron!!!!! On the other hand, the spaghetti was very good. We like it SPICY SPICY!!
I try to be a calm rational person, it does NOT happen. It is so odd.. the thing we really want, is the thing we can't have sometimes... well, not odd so much as infuriating.
I am glad that Dr Deb is getting published big time, she is very smart if you ask me. She seems to know the things that are important to us :)
Has anyone tried Carmel Apple Microwavable popcorn? It looks good :)
Why am I me, why am I not the me I wish I would be? -- That is what I am going to think about this week.
Angel Chasse (again)
2/16/2006
Grey's Anatomy.... And Me
I am sure that anyone who reads this blog knows that I love television. We pay more money than we should to have cable, because I am home all the time, and I like me some tv :) lol -
My newest addiction is Grey's Anatomy - I think I watched the first show last season (the first season I guess) - and then watched sporadically after that. Then something happened on one of the episodes, and it intrigued me, so I want to see every episode :) Lucky for me, season one's dvd is out soon, if it isn't already out. I really like Ellen Pompeo (Meridith Grey on the show) and I like the character of George, and of Bailey. So anyway, I love this show, and just found out the name of the theme song, so I will have to be looking for that. I really liked the 2 part episode that they had for the end of the superbowl.. sure, some of the drama was trumped up a bit, but I think those 2 episodes went a long way toward deepening our understanding of the different characters :) Ok, enough about that :)
What else have I been up to? Some introspection, and some crankiness. I have a headache that has gone on for awhile now, but my non-hypochondriac husband thinks it is a tension headache, so we will go with that. I have also been trying to keep up with him in a college class that I have interest in (abnormal psych) - and have been reading along with him in the chapters (from home, not actually attending the classes) - and I took a practice test and didn't do too badly on it, though it was not my best work.
Jim did our taxes, then found that we had an error, so we need to do another form to correct this error.. urgh... but at least we caught it, so it won't mess up his financial aid for school.
I made some "homeade lo mein" tonight, and it was pretty good, but I can do better. It is weird.. there is not much that I won't try to make at home at least once, but I had bad experiences trying to make fried rice at home, so I pretty much gave up on anything chinese-y - - but since this was good, who knows, I might try more exotic stuff. Jim is the chef in this family, but I do like to have a few things that I make well. Our friend Becky said the other day that she misses having our spaghetti, so that made me feel really goood :) that is my signature dish ;) lol
Other than that I have just been getting by. I know that I need to get back on my meds, and see dr's again and all of that but A> there is not money for that, and B> I think I wanted to believe that I would be just fine without that stuff, and that it really was just all in my head, and I could make myself all better if I just tried. Well... that would probably work... but.. and this is a big but... I dont really have the energy, motivation, patience, whatever to even try. I would really rather just stay in my little apartment and not go anywhere or have to deal with anyone, and not have to talk about the way that I feel, or the voices, or the racing thoughts, or the ickiness.. .but... even I can finally see now that THIS is not working either, so we have to move on to something more productive. I have some phone#s to call and ask for some help etc, but I just hoped it would not come to this, and I would just be able to make myself all fine again. I even thought that if I just didn't complain as much to the hubby, and didn't bring up how I was feeling, that he would think I was doing better... I guess I should have given him more credit, because evidently he saw right through that, and I was the only one believing anyone was fooled.. so -- I guess they call it mental "ILLNESS" for a reason, and I guess that even if you want it to, it won't just go away on its own.. although, that would be great, if you upstairs are listening, the "just goes away on it's own" thing sounds GREAT!!!!!!!!! So, that is an update on me, and what I have been up to. I still read a lot of blogs, and often have to tell my hubby what I am reading about, especially the stories on Lu's blog page at www.justlu.com --- she can tell a story like no one can :) I really hope this isn't as long when I hit save as I think it might be... but oh well.. I'll try to update more frequently :)
Angel Chasse (again)
My newest addiction is Grey's Anatomy - I think I watched the first show last season (the first season I guess) - and then watched sporadically after that. Then something happened on one of the episodes, and it intrigued me, so I want to see every episode :) Lucky for me, season one's dvd is out soon, if it isn't already out. I really like Ellen Pompeo (Meridith Grey on the show) and I like the character of George, and of Bailey. So anyway, I love this show, and just found out the name of the theme song, so I will have to be looking for that. I really liked the 2 part episode that they had for the end of the superbowl.. sure, some of the drama was trumped up a bit, but I think those 2 episodes went a long way toward deepening our understanding of the different characters :) Ok, enough about that :)
What else have I been up to? Some introspection, and some crankiness. I have a headache that has gone on for awhile now, but my non-hypochondriac husband thinks it is a tension headache, so we will go with that. I have also been trying to keep up with him in a college class that I have interest in (abnormal psych) - and have been reading along with him in the chapters (from home, not actually attending the classes) - and I took a practice test and didn't do too badly on it, though it was not my best work.
Jim did our taxes, then found that we had an error, so we need to do another form to correct this error.. urgh... but at least we caught it, so it won't mess up his financial aid for school.
I made some "homeade lo mein" tonight, and it was pretty good, but I can do better. It is weird.. there is not much that I won't try to make at home at least once, but I had bad experiences trying to make fried rice at home, so I pretty much gave up on anything chinese-y - - but since this was good, who knows, I might try more exotic stuff. Jim is the chef in this family, but I do like to have a few things that I make well. Our friend Becky said the other day that she misses having our spaghetti, so that made me feel really goood :) that is my signature dish ;) lol
Other than that I have just been getting by. I know that I need to get back on my meds, and see dr's again and all of that but A> there is not money for that, and B> I think I wanted to believe that I would be just fine without that stuff, and that it really was just all in my head, and I could make myself all better if I just tried. Well... that would probably work... but.. and this is a big but... I dont really have the energy, motivation, patience, whatever to even try. I would really rather just stay in my little apartment and not go anywhere or have to deal with anyone, and not have to talk about the way that I feel, or the voices, or the racing thoughts, or the ickiness.. .but... even I can finally see now that THIS is not working either, so we have to move on to something more productive. I have some phone#s to call and ask for some help etc, but I just hoped it would not come to this, and I would just be able to make myself all fine again. I even thought that if I just didn't complain as much to the hubby, and didn't bring up how I was feeling, that he would think I was doing better... I guess I should have given him more credit, because evidently he saw right through that, and I was the only one believing anyone was fooled.. so -- I guess they call it mental "ILLNESS" for a reason, and I guess that even if you want it to, it won't just go away on its own.. although, that would be great, if you upstairs are listening, the "just goes away on it's own" thing sounds GREAT!!!!!!!!! So, that is an update on me, and what I have been up to. I still read a lot of blogs, and often have to tell my hubby what I am reading about, especially the stories on Lu's blog page at www.justlu.com --- she can tell a story like no one can :) I really hope this isn't as long when I hit save as I think it might be... but oh well.. I'll try to update more frequently :)
Angel Chasse (again)
2/04/2006
The Superbowl
Feb 4th 2006 Saturday
This just in.. I might be the only person on the planet not watching the Super Bowl tomorrow...why? I hate football. I don't see the point of the sport, but then again, there are a ton of things I could spend all day doing that many folks would probably think were INSANE - like using the internet all day ;)
I do have some chips though, and a spiffy new www.fitday.com account where I am keeping track of what I eat daily.. get this.. it boggles my mind. My Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) as it is figured with this long formula - is 2407 calories per day... that is supposed to be what my body uses every day just breathing etc... I don't see any way that this could be possible.. If that is the case.. then if I am only eating 100-1200 calories a day, I should most assuredly be losing some weight right? WRONG O -- not lost anything.. Well, should admit that I don't have a scale, but I do not feel like I have lost even one little iota... my husband on the other hand (who eats even less calories than I do, cuz he never cheats) - has had to put 5 notches to make his belt snug... urgh.. I am very happy for him, and very mad at me.. anywho, I am sure that insulin resistance and non working thyroid probably has something to do with my not losing weight, but... geesh.. anyway... so medication is a good thing in this instance for sure.. glucophage and synthroid are our friends :) right? LOL -- what else is new? Hrm.. we walked a mile in the skywalks today.. (again Jimbo had to drag me there) lol - not a lot else going on cept I am studying Jim's abnormal psychology book with him, to see if I would like/could do a college course in the future... so we will see how that goes.
That's all for now I guess
PS - My adsense is not working - all I get is the one ad for gulf hurricane relief. That is a a great ad, but I thought they were supposed to change? We'll see...
Angel Chasse (again)
This just in.. I might be the only person on the planet not watching the Super Bowl tomorrow...why? I hate football. I don't see the point of the sport, but then again, there are a ton of things I could spend all day doing that many folks would probably think were INSANE - like using the internet all day ;)
I do have some chips though, and a spiffy new www.fitday.com account where I am keeping track of what I eat daily.. get this.. it boggles my mind. My Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) as it is figured with this long formula - is 2407 calories per day... that is supposed to be what my body uses every day just breathing etc... I don't see any way that this could be possible.. If that is the case.. then if I am only eating 100-1200 calories a day, I should most assuredly be losing some weight right? WRONG O -- not lost anything.. Well, should admit that I don't have a scale, but I do not feel like I have lost even one little iota... my husband on the other hand (who eats even less calories than I do, cuz he never cheats) - has had to put 5 notches to make his belt snug... urgh.. I am very happy for him, and very mad at me.. anywho, I am sure that insulin resistance and non working thyroid probably has something to do with my not losing weight, but... geesh.. anyway... so medication is a good thing in this instance for sure.. glucophage and synthroid are our friends :) right? LOL -- what else is new? Hrm.. we walked a mile in the skywalks today.. (again Jimbo had to drag me there) lol - not a lot else going on cept I am studying Jim's abnormal psychology book with him, to see if I would like/could do a college course in the future... so we will see how that goes.
That's all for now I guess
PS - My adsense is not working - all I get is the one ad for gulf hurricane relief. That is a a great ad, but I thought they were supposed to change? We'll see...
Angel Chasse (again)
1/24/2006
What is Art?
Tuesday Jan 24th 2006
Jim is taking art apreciation this semester.
I hate art.. I shouldn't really say I hate art. I hate things I am not good at, and things I don't understand :) LOL --
I am not "artsy" I must have a more analytical mind than I thought. I don't really "get" what stuff is sometimes in art. I guess that is probably normal, but I really would rather see a photograph of a person or a landscape or a lighthouse, than an inventive art project anyday.. We went to the local art center, and of the 100+ pieces they had there, I probably would have only chosen like 6 of them to own, or have in my home. The funny thing is that many of the ones that I did like, look more like patterns from Windows desktop backgrounds :) :) :)
Let's see, I havent blogged in a while, what is new?
Jim (mostly) and I are on a "diet" of sorts... Mostly just exercising portion control, and trying to drink diet soda or drinks, and keep to between 1000 and 1500 calories per day. It is not as hard and sucky as I thought it would be, the only thing that I really miss is that I don't have cake or cookies, or sweets around all the time.. not that I need them, but that seems to be what I crave.. and of course, anything carbs :)
I would recommend portion-controlled eating to anyone .... who is not doing it already... it is amazing to me when you follow the labels on stuff, and eat just one portion's worth, how much you really can eat in a day and still maintain low calories. It is just that before, Jim and I would make a ton of food, and eat it all.. Now we try to make the equivalent of one portion per person of each thing... the portions ARE a lot smaller, but most times, we feel full, and aren't feeling too deprived.. Now I just need to incorporate a WHOLE LOT of exersise into the routine... I hate that... :)
Angel Chasse (again)
Jim is taking art apreciation this semester.
I hate art.. I shouldn't really say I hate art. I hate things I am not good at, and things I don't understand :) LOL --
I am not "artsy" I must have a more analytical mind than I thought. I don't really "get" what stuff is sometimes in art. I guess that is probably normal, but I really would rather see a photograph of a person or a landscape or a lighthouse, than an inventive art project anyday.. We went to the local art center, and of the 100+ pieces they had there, I probably would have only chosen like 6 of them to own, or have in my home. The funny thing is that many of the ones that I did like, look more like patterns from Windows desktop backgrounds :) :) :)
Let's see, I havent blogged in a while, what is new?
Jim (mostly) and I are on a "diet" of sorts... Mostly just exercising portion control, and trying to drink diet soda or drinks, and keep to between 1000 and 1500 calories per day. It is not as hard and sucky as I thought it would be, the only thing that I really miss is that I don't have cake or cookies, or sweets around all the time.. not that I need them, but that seems to be what I crave.. and of course, anything carbs :)
I would recommend portion-controlled eating to anyone .... who is not doing it already... it is amazing to me when you follow the labels on stuff, and eat just one portion's worth, how much you really can eat in a day and still maintain low calories. It is just that before, Jim and I would make a ton of food, and eat it all.. Now we try to make the equivalent of one portion per person of each thing... the portions ARE a lot smaller, but most times, we feel full, and aren't feeling too deprived.. Now I just need to incorporate a WHOLE LOT of exersise into the routine... I hate that... :)
Angel Chasse (again)
1/09/2006
Married Life AKA I love Jim
Jim and I have been married for 8 years. We have known each other for 9 years.
When we first met, I made a ton of mistakes. The worst of those mistakes was running to my mom every time we had a normal, average, married people do this kind of fight. The reason I say that this was the worst mistake is... it gave my mom and dad the wrong idea about Jim. Jim is caring, loving, sweet, respectful, treats me better than I deserve, and better than I treat him. But see, for the first couple of years of our marriage, they didn't know this. They didn't know Jim very well, and when they did hear about him, it was through me, and many times after we had had a fight, and I was steamed. I just want to tell everyone that that was wrong. Choosing to marry Jim is the one, single, best decision I have ever made. Probably the best one that I will ever make. Jim and I have had our share of fights, and disagree on many things. But he loves me, and I love him. The kind of love that makes you feel badly about ignoring him, while you are ignoring him... the kind of love that has you wanting to bring him a pillow and blanket when you make him sleep on the couch.... I don't know.. if anyone is reading this, they must think I am insane. I just love Jim. I get worried, I don't understand why this man would choose to spend his life with me. I know me, honestly I do, and I really don't treat him as well as I should... I am working on it, but I just really feel lucky, and blessed, and lucky.... that he chooses to stay with me. He makes me so happy!!!!!! (I am not a happy person by nature..so it might not show as much as it should) -- So, I guess this was just an open letter to let everyone know that I love Jim, and that I am sorry that I didn't shout it from the rafters all this time.... I love him I love him I love him :)
I guess sometimes we have this theory in our head of how our relationship is going to be perfect, and everything is going to go well, and there will never be fights, just love, and sex and laughter..and we freak out when it does not really happen that way.. but what I have.. right now, today, with Jim... is the best, most perfect thing I have ever felt... EVER!
I love you Jim...
Happy Anniversary Jan 6 2006
#8
Angel Chasse (again)
When we first met, I made a ton of mistakes. The worst of those mistakes was running to my mom every time we had a normal, average, married people do this kind of fight. The reason I say that this was the worst mistake is... it gave my mom and dad the wrong idea about Jim. Jim is caring, loving, sweet, respectful, treats me better than I deserve, and better than I treat him. But see, for the first couple of years of our marriage, they didn't know this. They didn't know Jim very well, and when they did hear about him, it was through me, and many times after we had had a fight, and I was steamed. I just want to tell everyone that that was wrong. Choosing to marry Jim is the one, single, best decision I have ever made. Probably the best one that I will ever make. Jim and I have had our share of fights, and disagree on many things. But he loves me, and I love him. The kind of love that makes you feel badly about ignoring him, while you are ignoring him... the kind of love that has you wanting to bring him a pillow and blanket when you make him sleep on the couch.... I don't know.. if anyone is reading this, they must think I am insane. I just love Jim. I get worried, I don't understand why this man would choose to spend his life with me. I know me, honestly I do, and I really don't treat him as well as I should... I am working on it, but I just really feel lucky, and blessed, and lucky.... that he chooses to stay with me. He makes me so happy!!!!!! (I am not a happy person by nature..so it might not show as much as it should) -- So, I guess this was just an open letter to let everyone know that I love Jim, and that I am sorry that I didn't shout it from the rafters all this time.... I love him I love him I love him :)
I guess sometimes we have this theory in our head of how our relationship is going to be perfect, and everything is going to go well, and there will never be fights, just love, and sex and laughter..and we freak out when it does not really happen that way.. but what I have.. right now, today, with Jim... is the best, most perfect thing I have ever felt... EVER!
I love you Jim...
Happy Anniversary Jan 6 2006
#8
Angel Chasse (again)
12/31/2005
GoodBye 2005 -- Hello 2006!!!
In 2005:
*these are just the highlights, I am sure that there is a ton that I have forgotten*
I started this blog (thanks to Rosie)
Jim and I had our 7th wedding anniversary on Jan 6th
We moved to Sioux City - Memorial Day weekend
My first (ever) niece was born July 20th
I turned 27 - Jim turned 32
I went to Louisiana to work in a Red Cross shelter - and came home with salmonella (ick)
Got a car from a friend who upgraded his.. that was pretty cool, and needed :)
We just moved to a different more modern apartment across the lawn
I know I don't update this thing daily, but I love blogging, and I love to read other people's blogs as well. Not a lot of other things happened - unless I am forgetting a bunch.. and if that is the case I will update :)
Plans for NYE --- Eat a frozen pizza -- watch the ball drop -- wait to hear from my brother tomorrow to see if he gets into any trouble tonight ;)
Angel Chasse *again*
*these are just the highlights, I am sure that there is a ton that I have forgotten*
I started this blog (thanks to Rosie)
Jim and I had our 7th wedding anniversary on Jan 6th
We moved to Sioux City - Memorial Day weekend
My first (ever) niece was born July 20th
I turned 27 - Jim turned 32
I went to Louisiana to work in a Red Cross shelter - and came home with salmonella (ick)
Got a car from a friend who upgraded his.. that was pretty cool, and needed :)
We just moved to a different more modern apartment across the lawn
I know I don't update this thing daily, but I love blogging, and I love to read other people's blogs as well. Not a lot of other things happened - unless I am forgetting a bunch.. and if that is the case I will update :)
Plans for NYE --- Eat a frozen pizza -- watch the ball drop -- wait to hear from my brother tomorrow to see if he gets into any trouble tonight ;)
Angel Chasse *again*
12/20/2005
Moving...Busy..I hate moving!
12/20/05
We are moving *literally, I have almost nothing in this old apartment* to a different apartment that is in the house next door to this one. It has been gutted and redone, new walls, new floors, new paint, new bathtub and sink, the whole thing. It doesn't have a lot in the way of storage, but that is really it's only downfall.. Oh, and the computer will be in the living room, so that will be a little different but I will adjust :)
So anyway, I hate moving.. and so far all I have done is pack and unpack and clean... The boys (Sam and Jim) have been carting everything over. Its down the stairs here, across the lawn, and then up the new stairs.. not much fun... can you tell that I hate moving?
So, the internet and tv and all that is supposed to start up again tomorrow, so I will be back on track, but I think that by Friday, we should have most everything unpacked. A lot of stuff is going into a big makeshift closet or the garage, so there will be some that I don't even have to unpack :) LOL --- ok enough blathering on about this topic :)
Happy Holidays to all!!!!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
We are moving *literally, I have almost nothing in this old apartment* to a different apartment that is in the house next door to this one. It has been gutted and redone, new walls, new floors, new paint, new bathtub and sink, the whole thing. It doesn't have a lot in the way of storage, but that is really it's only downfall.. Oh, and the computer will be in the living room, so that will be a little different but I will adjust :)
So anyway, I hate moving.. and so far all I have done is pack and unpack and clean... The boys (Sam and Jim) have been carting everything over. Its down the stairs here, across the lawn, and then up the new stairs.. not much fun... can you tell that I hate moving?
So, the internet and tv and all that is supposed to start up again tomorrow, so I will be back on track, but I think that by Friday, we should have most everything unpacked. A lot of stuff is going into a big makeshift closet or the garage, so there will be some that I don't even have to unpack :) LOL --- ok enough blathering on about this topic :)
Happy Holidays to all!!!!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
11/30/2005
Snow Snow Snow
I have to say, I am a fan of winter, so I am happy that it is snowing.. but it's weird... I like the snow, I like to look at it, and I like to see it, but I don't like to drive in it. How does that work? LOL - Good thing Jim doesn't really mind it much.
The car that our friend Tim gave us is working great. I really think he should me moved to Saint for giving us that car :) He said it never started in the winter, and that remains to be seen, but so far, you just have to crank it over and give it a bit of gas *its fuel injected, so he probably didnt do that when he had it, you shouldn't have to* anyway, its been working out VERY well. Finally got rid of the van, and someone even gave us a couple dollars AND towed that baby away ;) woo hoo..
Making a big pot of chili tonight. We make it simply, and with beans :) But it will be just the right thing for the chilly night (punny) -- I see that Rosie's blog says that her Christmas store will be up and runnning soon. Maybe I can con Jim into buying me something from there :) - I remember a while ago she said that she had mousepads and shirts that said Go Blog Urself :) FUNNY..
I have been noticing that I use ... (elipses) a lot. But I only usually type two of the dots, and it is supposed to be three. I also noticed that I am losing some of my knowledge from HS and stuff. I know if you don't use it you lose it, but it has been shocking to me just how much I don't use it, and how much I am losing.. urgh.
I also read on the web ( I think, or maybe Jim told me) that people have their blogs published as books ;) LOL @ that. I don't think I will ever be doing that, but I know that Lu's blog would make a good book :)
I have been wondering though if there was an easier, one step way to print all the posts of your blog.. so far I dont think so. I guess you'd have to just go into each entry and print them. I would probably like to have a copy of mine, just to keep in a binder, and look back and read to see how I was, and how I am now.. LOL - that sounds funny.. reading back to see how you were :)
Angel Chasse (again)
The car that our friend Tim gave us is working great. I really think he should me moved to Saint for giving us that car :) He said it never started in the winter, and that remains to be seen, but so far, you just have to crank it over and give it a bit of gas *its fuel injected, so he probably didnt do that when he had it, you shouldn't have to* anyway, its been working out VERY well. Finally got rid of the van, and someone even gave us a couple dollars AND towed that baby away ;) woo hoo..
Making a big pot of chili tonight. We make it simply, and with beans :) But it will be just the right thing for the chilly night (punny) -- I see that Rosie's blog says that her Christmas store will be up and runnning soon. Maybe I can con Jim into buying me something from there :) - I remember a while ago she said that she had mousepads and shirts that said Go Blog Urself :) FUNNY..
I have been noticing that I use ... (elipses) a lot. But I only usually type two of the dots, and it is supposed to be three. I also noticed that I am losing some of my knowledge from HS and stuff. I know if you don't use it you lose it, but it has been shocking to me just how much I don't use it, and how much I am losing.. urgh.
I also read on the web ( I think, or maybe Jim told me) that people have their blogs published as books ;) LOL @ that. I don't think I will ever be doing that, but I know that Lu's blog would make a good book :)
I have been wondering though if there was an easier, one step way to print all the posts of your blog.. so far I dont think so. I guess you'd have to just go into each entry and print them. I would probably like to have a copy of mine, just to keep in a binder, and look back and read to see how I was, and how I am now.. LOL - that sounds funny.. reading back to see how you were :)
Angel Chasse (again)
11/27/2005
Must Blog More Often, Must Blog More Often
11/27/05 Sunday
Let's see :)
Had a happy thanksgiving. I hope that everyone I know did too.
Got to hold my 3 month old niece, and that makes me happy :)
Plus, got to see the relatives from my mom's side of the family, love that. We don't make it the two hours to visit them very often, so it is always nice when they come here :)
Went to wal-mart at like noon on Friday. Got in there, saw what a zoo it was , and we high tailed it back home.
I have a pain in my lower back, on the right side, and according to the dr its just a sore muscle. All my other tests were fine. I am glad it is nothing, but I wish this NOTHING would STOP hurting now. I know I have a low tolerance for pain, but geeeesh!!
Made up some Christmas cards :) - Realized doing that that I don't know very many addresses. There are a few people I will have to email for their address. No wonder I usually send Ecards... no work there, I have everyone's email ;) -- I guess I didn't mean it like it sounded. I love to personalize ecards, I just love that you dont need stamps, and don't need to know the physical address and write on the envelopes.. my handwriting is so horrible .... urgh
Simple as ever punch we made for thanksgiving. Just a half gallon of orange sherbet, and a 2 liter bottle of sprite. Very very tasty, and soooooo not hard ;)
I think I will make Rachael Ray's 5 minute fudge for Christmas!!!!
*I am so happy to see Rachael Ray on all these shows teaching people how to cook her way... I know there are some RR haters out there, but I am not one of them!!!!
Looks like they are saying that we are going to have some rain then frizzle, then snow. Last time we got all rian, and only enough snow to turn things white. So, we will see this time..
So this will be snow # 2 for this season :)
Ok, that is about enough rambling for now....
OH PS... Poll for any readers.
If you found a $20.00 bill on the ground, in a parking lot, would you pick it up and keep it, or do something else? Be honest ;)
PSS... we found 20 dollars on the ground in a parking lot, and we kept it... just so you know :)
Angel Chasse (again)
Let's see :)
Had a happy thanksgiving. I hope that everyone I know did too.
Got to hold my 3 month old niece, and that makes me happy :)
Plus, got to see the relatives from my mom's side of the family, love that. We don't make it the two hours to visit them very often, so it is always nice when they come here :)
Went to wal-mart at like noon on Friday. Got in there, saw what a zoo it was , and we high tailed it back home.
I have a pain in my lower back, on the right side, and according to the dr its just a sore muscle. All my other tests were fine. I am glad it is nothing, but I wish this NOTHING would STOP hurting now. I know I have a low tolerance for pain, but geeeesh!!
Made up some Christmas cards :) - Realized doing that that I don't know very many addresses. There are a few people I will have to email for their address. No wonder I usually send Ecards... no work there, I have everyone's email ;) -- I guess I didn't mean it like it sounded. I love to personalize ecards, I just love that you dont need stamps, and don't need to know the physical address and write on the envelopes.. my handwriting is so horrible .... urgh
Simple as ever punch we made for thanksgiving. Just a half gallon of orange sherbet, and a 2 liter bottle of sprite. Very very tasty, and soooooo not hard ;)
I think I will make Rachael Ray's 5 minute fudge for Christmas!!!!
*I am so happy to see Rachael Ray on all these shows teaching people how to cook her way... I know there are some RR haters out there, but I am not one of them!!!!
Looks like they are saying that we are going to have some rain then frizzle, then snow. Last time we got all rian, and only enough snow to turn things white. So, we will see this time..
So this will be snow # 2 for this season :)
Ok, that is about enough rambling for now....
OH PS... Poll for any readers.
If you found a $20.00 bill on the ground, in a parking lot, would you pick it up and keep it, or do something else? Be honest ;)
PSS... we found 20 dollars on the ground in a parking lot, and we kept it... just so you know :)
Angel Chasse (again)
11/19/2005
How does this happen???
11-19-05 Saturday
How does it happen that you ASPIRE to lyrics like this.. that you have not made it to this point yet, but you hope that you can GET to this point soon.... sad sad sad... we will only see in hidsight how this all works out, but for now, it seems sad to me that you can aspire to what these lyrics say, and not even be there yet.. but there I am ... here I am.. however that works.....
I'm Movin On - Performed by Rascal Flatts
Ive dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
Ive found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once Im at peace with myself
Ive been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
Im movin’ on
Ive lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but theyre always the same
They mean no harm but its time that I face it
Theyll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I dont belong
Im movin on
Im movin on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarentees, but Im not alone
There comes a time in everyones life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldnt
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
Ive loved like I should but lived like I shouldnt
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
Im movin on
Im movin on
Im movin on
Angel Chasse (again)
How does it happen that you ASPIRE to lyrics like this.. that you have not made it to this point yet, but you hope that you can GET to this point soon.... sad sad sad... we will only see in hidsight how this all works out, but for now, it seems sad to me that you can aspire to what these lyrics say, and not even be there yet.. but there I am ... here I am.. however that works.....
I'm Movin On - Performed by Rascal Flatts
Ive dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
Ive found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once Im at peace with myself
Ive been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
Im movin’ on
Ive lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but theyre always the same
They mean no harm but its time that I face it
Theyll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I dont belong
Im movin on
Im movin on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarentees, but Im not alone
There comes a time in everyones life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldnt
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
Ive loved like I should but lived like I shouldnt
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
Im movin on
Im movin on
Im movin on
Angel Chasse (again)
11/16/2005
First Snow
11/16/2005 Tuesday
Hey,
It snowed yesterday, all day. Flurries, and not much of it is actually on the ground, cuz the ground was warm, so it melted and now is a bit slick outside (so I have heard, I have not been out today) It's COLD outside though. When we got up this morning it was 50 degrees in our apartment.. We live in an apartment within a house, an old house, and the heater is the same heater for the whole house. One major room of our apt is storage, and kitty box, and computer and desk... well.. it's a 3 season porch... soooooo... we are supposed to not use it in the winter.. but if we don't, major space loss, and major having to put the kitty box in the bedroom *where we sleep ick* or in the kitchen *ick* or in the living room *ICK ICK* so anyway, I think that the plastic Sam and Jim put up will help some, but we still have to run a space heater in our "heat paid by landlord" apartment.. URGH - just when our electric bill was under control, no more A/C 24 hours a day... urgh... anyway, I am thankful we have a place to live, and that it is as warm as it is. I know many have less. I am also thankful for my husband, and my mom and dad and brother, and my friends... I don't have many of them (friends) but the ones that I do have are really great, and they mean a lot to me... and if anyone who happens to read this has any spare good vibes.. Jimbo could use them - he's finishing up his research paper and the professor made him narrow it down so much that he is less than thrilled... anyway.... First snow, first snow :):)
Angel Chasse (again)
Hey,
It snowed yesterday, all day. Flurries, and not much of it is actually on the ground, cuz the ground was warm, so it melted and now is a bit slick outside (so I have heard, I have not been out today) It's COLD outside though. When we got up this morning it was 50 degrees in our apartment.. We live in an apartment within a house, an old house, and the heater is the same heater for the whole house. One major room of our apt is storage, and kitty box, and computer and desk... well.. it's a 3 season porch... soooooo... we are supposed to not use it in the winter.. but if we don't, major space loss, and major having to put the kitty box in the bedroom *where we sleep ick* or in the kitchen *ick* or in the living room *ICK ICK* so anyway, I think that the plastic Sam and Jim put up will help some, but we still have to run a space heater in our "heat paid by landlord" apartment.. URGH - just when our electric bill was under control, no more A/C 24 hours a day... urgh... anyway, I am thankful we have a place to live, and that it is as warm as it is. I know many have less. I am also thankful for my husband, and my mom and dad and brother, and my friends... I don't have many of them (friends) but the ones that I do have are really great, and they mean a lot to me... and if anyone who happens to read this has any spare good vibes.. Jimbo could use them - he's finishing up his research paper and the professor made him narrow it down so much that he is less than thrilled... anyway.... First snow, first snow :):)
Angel Chasse (again)
11/11/2005
Happy Veteran's Day
11/11/2005
To those who have served, and even to those that will serve in the future.
I owe you a huge debt. You keep me safe, you keep me comfortable in my little apartment in middle America. You lift the burden off of all of our shoulders.
I respect all who have served more than you can imagine. You go and do what I can't, what I won't, and what I don't want to do.... Thank you doesn't begin to say it... But, Thank you...
Now, there is a Garth Brooks boxed set coming out soon, at www.walmart.com and one of the songs that will be on the "lost sessions" CD is this one......
Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream
Words and music by Ed McCurdy
Last night I had the strangest dream
I'd ever dreamed before
I dreamed the world had all agreed
To put an end to war
I dreamed I saw a mighty room
Filled with women and men
And the paper they were signing said
They'd never fight again
And when the paper was all signed
And a million copies made
They all joined hands and bowed their heads
And grateful prayers were prayed
And the people in the streets below
Were dancing 'round and 'round
While swords and guns and uniforms
Were scattered on the ground
Last night I had the strangest dream
I'd never dreamed before
I dreamed the world had all agreed
To put an end to war.
I love the soldiers, and hate this war... Call me a contradiction
Angel Chasse (again)
To those who have served, and even to those that will serve in the future.
I owe you a huge debt. You keep me safe, you keep me comfortable in my little apartment in middle America. You lift the burden off of all of our shoulders.
I respect all who have served more than you can imagine. You go and do what I can't, what I won't, and what I don't want to do.... Thank you doesn't begin to say it... But, Thank you...
Now, there is a Garth Brooks boxed set coming out soon, at www.walmart.com and one of the songs that will be on the "lost sessions" CD is this one......
Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream
Words and music by Ed McCurdy
Last night I had the strangest dream
I'd ever dreamed before
I dreamed the world had all agreed
To put an end to war
I dreamed I saw a mighty room
Filled with women and men
And the paper they were signing said
They'd never fight again
And when the paper was all signed
And a million copies made
They all joined hands and bowed their heads
And grateful prayers were prayed
And the people in the streets below
Were dancing 'round and 'round
While swords and guns and uniforms
Were scattered on the ground
Last night I had the strangest dream
I'd never dreamed before
I dreamed the world had all agreed
To put an end to war.
I love the soldiers, and hate this war... Call me a contradiction
Angel Chasse (again)
11/10/2005
Blog Blog Blog
I think I have had this blog since April... strange that I would keep it going for this long, most of my paper journals have 1 or 2 pages in them, and then nothing... I am not sure that it is helping though, I am still the same old same old confused, lazy, grouchy me... I don't want to stop really though, cuz I feel like I still want to say some stuff. I just don't know what.
Oh, I do have one thing that bothers me... and though this is not INTENDED to offend, I am sure there are a few people that read this that will feel that way..
Why is it that people who belong to a certain religion feel the need to aproach people? I mean.. logically, I understand it... they are supposed to witness their faith to others. But man, it is SOOOOOOO annoying. For others, maybe not so much, but me? I really don't want to meet any new people for ANY reason, much less for them to be overbearing and bitchy, and not lay off, and try to get me to join their way of thinking about things... urgh, that really sucks to me.
Let's see, what else have I been doing? NOTHING :)
Nah, Jim is about to start actually writing his research paper, so he has been studying, as well as helping our landlord with handyman stuff. I joined a book club to get some books for people for Christmas, and I am looking for a poster print from "The Color of Money" for my dad to put on his wall in the basement, by where his pool table will be. Got Mom some books and some lotion, got my niece some Baby Einstein DVD's - Gift card for my brother and my sister probably.. they are hard to buy for, and I hate it when people hate their gifts. Got Jim a couple of books, and got me 2 Rachael Ray cookbooks, including the new one :) WOO HOO
I have gotten to see my brother a lot more often, because he comes over every night for supper for the last 2 weeks. How much is too much? That is yet to be seen I guess :) -- He has court on the 15th, and might have to go to jail for 45 days, cuz of some unpaid fines.. 100% his fault, but still sucky if he has to be gone, especially over the holidays. I just hope that if he does have to go, that it is here in town, so at least I could visit if I want. So, seeing him a lot, and being annoyed by him, but happy to see him .. I wonder if he just comes over for the food?? LOL LOL
Been reading Rosie's Blog.. entertaining, and political, and fun.
Been reading Lu's Blog, funny, well written, introspective, love it!
Been reading Cindy's Blog, there is something going on there.. but I don't know what
Ok, rambling...
Angel Chasse (again)
Oh, I do have one thing that bothers me... and though this is not INTENDED to offend, I am sure there are a few people that read this that will feel that way..
Why is it that people who belong to a certain religion feel the need to aproach people? I mean.. logically, I understand it... they are supposed to witness their faith to others. But man, it is SOOOOOOO annoying. For others, maybe not so much, but me? I really don't want to meet any new people for ANY reason, much less for them to be overbearing and bitchy, and not lay off, and try to get me to join their way of thinking about things... urgh, that really sucks to me.
Let's see, what else have I been doing? NOTHING :)
Nah, Jim is about to start actually writing his research paper, so he has been studying, as well as helping our landlord with handyman stuff. I joined a book club to get some books for people for Christmas, and I am looking for a poster print from "The Color of Money" for my dad to put on his wall in the basement, by where his pool table will be. Got Mom some books and some lotion, got my niece some Baby Einstein DVD's - Gift card for my brother and my sister probably.. they are hard to buy for, and I hate it when people hate their gifts. Got Jim a couple of books, and got me 2 Rachael Ray cookbooks, including the new one :) WOO HOO
I have gotten to see my brother a lot more often, because he comes over every night for supper for the last 2 weeks. How much is too much? That is yet to be seen I guess :) -- He has court on the 15th, and might have to go to jail for 45 days, cuz of some unpaid fines.. 100% his fault, but still sucky if he has to be gone, especially over the holidays. I just hope that if he does have to go, that it is here in town, so at least I could visit if I want. So, seeing him a lot, and being annoyed by him, but happy to see him .. I wonder if he just comes over for the food?? LOL LOL
Been reading Rosie's Blog.. entertaining, and political, and fun.
Been reading Lu's Blog, funny, well written, introspective, love it!
Been reading Cindy's Blog, there is something going on there.. but I don't know what
Ok, rambling...
Angel Chasse (again)
11/04/2005
Happy Birthday Jimbo!!!!
11/4/05 Friday
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
Happy Birthday Jim!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow is Jim's birthday!
I love you, Happy Birthday..
I hope that this coming year is more prosperous and happy than all of the ones that came before it combined!! You deserve it! I love YOU!!!!
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
Happy Birthday Jim!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow is Jim's birthday!
I love you, Happy Birthday..
I hope that this coming year is more prosperous and happy than all of the ones that came before it combined!! You deserve it! I love YOU!!!!
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
------------------------------------------------------------------------
10/22/2005
To Sarah...
10/22/05 Saturday
The people that I used to see all the time when I was in the hospital a time ago, always said that if something is really bothering you, and you can't put it out of your mind, and you don't think that you can say anything to those people, that you should write them a letter, and tell them what you wish you could say to them.. Hopefully, they are right, and I will feel better after writing this... here goes...
To Sarah,
I know that you and I were not born sisters, and I understand that our lives and the things we do in our lives are very different. I know that you have the choice to hang out with me, and to have me as part of your life, and you have the choice not to. I realize I am not the most stable person in the world, and I can imagine that some of the things that you know about me make you not want to be near me.
I also understand that when I needed my friends and family, back in 2000, and I told you and the rest of the people in my life how I felt like I had never measured up to their expectations, and I never really felt that anyone spent time with me because they wanted to, only because they felt obligated to, you told me that you didn't see it that way, and you wouldn't ever do that. We became (I thought) a lot closer, and had many long talks, and many coffees, and many bitch sessions with one another. Like sisters did, I thought. You came to my aid, and even took me to visit our parents when you knew it would help me feel happy. You never asked me for money to go, and never let me feel guilty that you took care of me on those trips, my self, and my soul. We talked and talked, and got closer and closer (I thought). I tried my best to listen to you, and give you any advice I had to give, good or bad I don't know. I really started to feel like you wanted me around, and to be a part of your life. It felt good. Really good. Jim always commented on how I was so talkative and in good spirits when I got home after a trip that we had taken. I really loved spending that time, just you and I.
When you told the family that you were pregnant, at Thanksgiving last year, I was SO happy for you, so happy for Larry and You. I was ecstatic. I knew you were scared, but I knew that you would give this baby 110% of your love. There would be tough times, but you would do great, and when you had questions, I assumed that your mom would be there with bells on, ready to help you take on this new role as an expert. I was scared for you too, because I knew that you were scared, and that couldn't feel good. But in the end, I knew that you were capable, and you would get things done. We even joked one time that your only job, was to "make sure you don't kill the kid" - Joking of course..
I was so excited to be going with Mom and Steve to Sioux Falls when you were in labor. I never thought I would actually be in the room with you all that time, and get to witness the birth of Peyton. It was life changing for me. You dealt with the pain, and the sickness, and all the people and the pressure so well. My hero at that moment :)
I knew that you would be overwhelmed, and overworked, and sleep deprived when Peyton was born. I knew that I would not be a priority with you, and I never expected to be one. I knew that your attentions needed to be on yourself, and Larry and Peyton. You are a family, and you need to take care of them #1. I didn't expect though, that Jim and I moving here to Sioux City in May would have such an impact on you. I knew that you said you wanted me to babysit, but really, I didn't figure that you would have us babysit that often. You have your mom, and some of Larry's family that you trusted, and I figured that you would only use us as a "last resort" babysitter. I didn't figure that our little apartment there would be a place you would want Peyton to sepnd that much time at. I guess I am starting to think that I was wrong on those things. I want to believe that you are just too busy to return my calls. I want to believe that you want to talk to me, but you just don't have the time. I want to believe that when I called you and let you know we were in town, and would love to have seen you, that you were out of town, or didnt get my messages, or something. I really want to believe these things because it really hurts to think that right now you are upset at me for moving, and not being there for you and peyton, and that your punishment for those things that I have done is to just completely stop talking to me, unless I am with Mom or Steve, or I suppose at holidays when you happen to be at their house. I want to think that you love me like a sister, and that you understand that our moving here was for the good of our family, Me and Jim, and it was something that we needed to do. I want to believe that you know that I wouldn't choose to abandon on a whim, and that I would help you any way that I could, even from 85 miles away. I want to think that you will start calling just to talk once you have more time. I want to think that you are not upset and punishing me for not being there for you.. I guess time will tell how this story plays out..
Either:
A> I am paranoid, and things with us were always fine.. no big deal, just me freaking
B> You are mad, and you will continue to be, for who knows how long, and I will miss this time with you, and this time of Peyton growing up, except of course when you are here to visit your dad, and want to keep peace, so you will be nice to me
Either way, I guess I just wanted you to know that I love you, and that I miss you, and that if I have upset you, it was not intentional. I love Peyton too, and I really hope to be a part of her life and of yours.
Love,
Angel
The people that I used to see all the time when I was in the hospital a time ago, always said that if something is really bothering you, and you can't put it out of your mind, and you don't think that you can say anything to those people, that you should write them a letter, and tell them what you wish you could say to them.. Hopefully, they are right, and I will feel better after writing this... here goes...
To Sarah,
I know that you and I were not born sisters, and I understand that our lives and the things we do in our lives are very different. I know that you have the choice to hang out with me, and to have me as part of your life, and you have the choice not to. I realize I am not the most stable person in the world, and I can imagine that some of the things that you know about me make you not want to be near me.
I also understand that when I needed my friends and family, back in 2000, and I told you and the rest of the people in my life how I felt like I had never measured up to their expectations, and I never really felt that anyone spent time with me because they wanted to, only because they felt obligated to, you told me that you didn't see it that way, and you wouldn't ever do that. We became (I thought) a lot closer, and had many long talks, and many coffees, and many bitch sessions with one another. Like sisters did, I thought. You came to my aid, and even took me to visit our parents when you knew it would help me feel happy. You never asked me for money to go, and never let me feel guilty that you took care of me on those trips, my self, and my soul. We talked and talked, and got closer and closer (I thought). I tried my best to listen to you, and give you any advice I had to give, good or bad I don't know. I really started to feel like you wanted me around, and to be a part of your life. It felt good. Really good. Jim always commented on how I was so talkative and in good spirits when I got home after a trip that we had taken. I really loved spending that time, just you and I.
When you told the family that you were pregnant, at Thanksgiving last year, I was SO happy for you, so happy for Larry and You. I was ecstatic. I knew you were scared, but I knew that you would give this baby 110% of your love. There would be tough times, but you would do great, and when you had questions, I assumed that your mom would be there with bells on, ready to help you take on this new role as an expert. I was scared for you too, because I knew that you were scared, and that couldn't feel good. But in the end, I knew that you were capable, and you would get things done. We even joked one time that your only job, was to "make sure you don't kill the kid" - Joking of course..
I was so excited to be going with Mom and Steve to Sioux Falls when you were in labor. I never thought I would actually be in the room with you all that time, and get to witness the birth of Peyton. It was life changing for me. You dealt with the pain, and the sickness, and all the people and the pressure so well. My hero at that moment :)
I knew that you would be overwhelmed, and overworked, and sleep deprived when Peyton was born. I knew that I would not be a priority with you, and I never expected to be one. I knew that your attentions needed to be on yourself, and Larry and Peyton. You are a family, and you need to take care of them #1. I didn't expect though, that Jim and I moving here to Sioux City in May would have such an impact on you. I knew that you said you wanted me to babysit, but really, I didn't figure that you would have us babysit that often. You have your mom, and some of Larry's family that you trusted, and I figured that you would only use us as a "last resort" babysitter. I didn't figure that our little apartment there would be a place you would want Peyton to sepnd that much time at. I guess I am starting to think that I was wrong on those things. I want to believe that you are just too busy to return my calls. I want to believe that you want to talk to me, but you just don't have the time. I want to believe that when I called you and let you know we were in town, and would love to have seen you, that you were out of town, or didnt get my messages, or something. I really want to believe these things because it really hurts to think that right now you are upset at me for moving, and not being there for you and peyton, and that your punishment for those things that I have done is to just completely stop talking to me, unless I am with Mom or Steve, or I suppose at holidays when you happen to be at their house. I want to think that you love me like a sister, and that you understand that our moving here was for the good of our family, Me and Jim, and it was something that we needed to do. I want to believe that you know that I wouldn't choose to abandon on a whim, and that I would help you any way that I could, even from 85 miles away. I want to think that you will start calling just to talk once you have more time. I want to think that you are not upset and punishing me for not being there for you.. I guess time will tell how this story plays out..
Either:
A> I am paranoid, and things with us were always fine.. no big deal, just me freaking
B> You are mad, and you will continue to be, for who knows how long, and I will miss this time with you, and this time of Peyton growing up, except of course when you are here to visit your dad, and want to keep peace, so you will be nice to me
Either way, I guess I just wanted you to know that I love you, and that I miss you, and that if I have upset you, it was not intentional. I love Peyton too, and I really hope to be a part of her life and of yours.
Love,
Angel
10/18/2005
Nightly News.. Katrina
Wow!
I was just watching the nightly news, and there was a lady (Ms. Marcus) on who was starting demolition of her flooded home. Very sad, very sad.. Then my jaw dropped because of what she had to say next..
“Had someone stayed there and manned the pumps,” says Marcus, “you would not be looking at my house like this, and that's what hurts.”
Here is what I do not understand. I am very saddened that this woman and her family lost their home to the flood. It is tragic, and I can not even START to say that I know how she feels, and I can not tell her how she should feel.
BUT....
Basically, if I am understanding this correctly... she believes that the HUMAN BEINGS that were in charge of the pumping stations should have stayed at their posts and died so that her home would not have been flooded out? -- Now, I really do understand that she may be angry, and frustrated, and just needing someone to blame for this.. a name or face to blame this on..
HOWEVER...
Does a tragedy like Katrina give people the right to say that people should have been expected to possibly DIE protecting their property for them??
I will post the link to this article (I watched it on tv, but this is word for word the same) -- And, anyone reading this... if you think I am misunderstanding this, be sure to correct me, but, oh man, I can not seem to see it any other way than to see that people brought a class action lawsuit against their parish for allowing pump operators to evacuate the night before the storm hit......
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9743893/
SAD....
Angel Chasse (again)
I was just watching the nightly news, and there was a lady (Ms. Marcus) on who was starting demolition of her flooded home. Very sad, very sad.. Then my jaw dropped because of what she had to say next..
“Had someone stayed there and manned the pumps,” says Marcus, “you would not be looking at my house like this, and that's what hurts.”
Here is what I do not understand. I am very saddened that this woman and her family lost their home to the flood. It is tragic, and I can not even START to say that I know how she feels, and I can not tell her how she should feel.
BUT....
Basically, if I am understanding this correctly... she believes that the HUMAN BEINGS that were in charge of the pumping stations should have stayed at their posts and died so that her home would not have been flooded out? -- Now, I really do understand that she may be angry, and frustrated, and just needing someone to blame for this.. a name or face to blame this on..
HOWEVER...
Does a tragedy like Katrina give people the right to say that people should have been expected to possibly DIE protecting their property for them??
I will post the link to this article (I watched it on tv, but this is word for word the same) -- And, anyone reading this... if you think I am misunderstanding this, be sure to correct me, but, oh man, I can not seem to see it any other way than to see that people brought a class action lawsuit against their parish for allowing pump operators to evacuate the night before the storm hit......
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9743893/
SAD....
Angel Chasse (again)
10/10/2005
A little hope in South Dakota
I used to live in Sioux Falls SD, and still read their local news website daily at
www.keloland.com
Tonight when I pulled it up, I found this article. I know that I get a lot of "feel good" messages in email, and sometimes I look them up on sites like www.snopes.com and they are not true at all, or only parts of them are true.
With the below story, I am fairly certain it is true, as it is from KELO TV, and not from the 122,222,444,444 th person to forward it to me on the web..
A little light in a sometimes too dark world for me...
Here is the link to the article: ( I found out it is breaking copyright laws to post it in it's entirety at my blog ;) I want to post it here so I can remember it for a while to come :
http://www.keloland.com/News/NewsDetail5440.cfm?ID=0,43121
Enjoy.. more from me later :)
Angel Chasse (again)
www.keloland.com
Tonight when I pulled it up, I found this article. I know that I get a lot of "feel good" messages in email, and sometimes I look them up on sites like www.snopes.com and they are not true at all, or only parts of them are true.
With the below story, I am fairly certain it is true, as it is from KELO TV, and not from the 122,222,444,444 th person to forward it to me on the web..
A little light in a sometimes too dark world for me...
Here is the link to the article: ( I found out it is breaking copyright laws to post it in it's entirety at my blog ;) I want to post it here so I can remember it for a while to come :
http://www.keloland.com/News/NewsDetail5440.cfm?ID=0,43121
Enjoy.. more from me later :)
Angel Chasse (again)
10/07/2005
It's Been Awhile...
So,
I was just looking back and it has been a long while since I blogged.
I am still here, and still kickin :)
Not a lot going on. Jim has his classes, and we have wacky (read: ANNOYING) upstairs neighbors now. Hopefully they won't be there much longer, but when it starts to wake me up at night (the noise that they make) - then I get mad.
I entered to contests. One was on Rosie's Blog, to win tickets to see her in Fiddler On The Roof on Broadway, and the other one was to see Emeril at a taping of his show.. LOL - that makes me think I am celebrity obsessed. Really, I don't feel like I am, but I do love Rosie, and Emeril, and Rachael Ray.. among others. They seem to me to be "real" - they are famous, and known, but they still remain as normal as you can be with that kind of fame.
I got a cd from the HAM radio operator that spent a week with us in Pearl River, and it had some good pictures on it. I will have to post them to my Flickr account, so that other people can see them.
Is it bad that now when I see those "heartwarming" emails that everyone sends as chain mail... When I see those now, I immediately want to go to www.snopes.com or another such site and find out if the stories are for real, and of course about 99% of them that I have looked up are not real at all. URGH.. no need to make up heartwarming stories and send them on. Tell a REAL story of something that you did, or saw happen, and pass that along.. and for HEAVEN'S SAKES, don't put "your luck will change at 11:11 pm when your phone rings with good news, but only if you foward this on to about 100000000 people that already have enough spam" -URGH
Anyway. I also have a 6week picture of my niece Peyton, and I will scan that this weekend and post it on flickr as well.
I just noticed that I have not even been reading people's blogs daily like I was. Jim is at home more, and when he is home, I don't always want to spend much time on the net. So, I am sure as the colder weather sets in, I will be back to my net loving self, but for right now, hanging out with Jimbo and going places and doing stuff is fun :)
OH and a huge PS..
Once a klutz, always a klutz.. I am TWENTY-SEVEN years old, and I FELL DOWN the other day. We have some cement stairs that lead from our house, like 3 stairs, then a small landing, then 3 more.. well, I turned around to admire the neigbor's baby, and just stepped off the stair, and plop fell right on the concrete. My leg is sore, but other than that just my pride was hurt :)
So anway.. I never thought I would fall down at the age of 27. I feel so dumb. I thought that I did a much better job of paying attention, but I guess on that day, the baby got the best of me :)
Angel Chasse (again)
I was just looking back and it has been a long while since I blogged.
I am still here, and still kickin :)
Not a lot going on. Jim has his classes, and we have wacky (read: ANNOYING) upstairs neighbors now. Hopefully they won't be there much longer, but when it starts to wake me up at night (the noise that they make) - then I get mad.
I entered to contests. One was on Rosie's Blog, to win tickets to see her in Fiddler On The Roof on Broadway, and the other one was to see Emeril at a taping of his show.. LOL - that makes me think I am celebrity obsessed. Really, I don't feel like I am, but I do love Rosie, and Emeril, and Rachael Ray.. among others. They seem to me to be "real" - they are famous, and known, but they still remain as normal as you can be with that kind of fame.
I got a cd from the HAM radio operator that spent a week with us in Pearl River, and it had some good pictures on it. I will have to post them to my Flickr account, so that other people can see them.
Is it bad that now when I see those "heartwarming" emails that everyone sends as chain mail... When I see those now, I immediately want to go to www.snopes.com or another such site and find out if the stories are for real, and of course about 99% of them that I have looked up are not real at all. URGH.. no need to make up heartwarming stories and send them on. Tell a REAL story of something that you did, or saw happen, and pass that along.. and for HEAVEN'S SAKES, don't put "your luck will change at 11:11 pm when your phone rings with good news, but only if you foward this on to about 100000000 people that already have enough spam" -URGH
Anyway. I also have a 6week picture of my niece Peyton, and I will scan that this weekend and post it on flickr as well.
I just noticed that I have not even been reading people's blogs daily like I was. Jim is at home more, and when he is home, I don't always want to spend much time on the net. So, I am sure as the colder weather sets in, I will be back to my net loving self, but for right now, hanging out with Jimbo and going places and doing stuff is fun :)
OH and a huge PS..
Once a klutz, always a klutz.. I am TWENTY-SEVEN years old, and I FELL DOWN the other day. We have some cement stairs that lead from our house, like 3 stairs, then a small landing, then 3 more.. well, I turned around to admire the neigbor's baby, and just stepped off the stair, and plop fell right on the concrete. My leg is sore, but other than that just my pride was hurt :)
So anway.. I never thought I would fall down at the age of 27. I feel so dumb. I thought that I did a much better job of paying attention, but I guess on that day, the baby got the best of me :)
Angel Chasse (again)
9/26/2005
Algebra Algebra
I don't have a lot to say, but I did want to gloat a bit for myself. I did algebra problems along with Jim last night, and got a lot of them right. Now, its elementary algebra, but for me, I am pretty impressed, cuz the last time I did algebra was probably in 1996. I am not a fan of math, simply because it does not come naturally to me, and I have to be taught every single little part of a problem to be able to work it. Not a self motivator on math.. nope.. but anyway, heres is a sample of a problem that we did yesterday..
.7(3x+6)=1.1-(x+2)
Fun stuff.. and Jim writes small, and still had to hand in 5 pages to do probs 1-91 odd showing all work :) He is not a big fan of showing his work :)
In other news, Jim is discovering that he doesn't like math, and to finish a bach of science in computer science you need a TON of math.. so.. he might rethink the bach of arts route instead. It seems that he thinks somehow that changing his path now is a failure on his part... I am trying to get him to see that it isn't.... TONS of people declare a major and change it once, sometimes even more times than that, before they get their final degree. I think that he wants to teach computers, and I think that he will be great at that, but he also might have wanted to work at NASA, and I think you need the bach of science to be considered there. We will see how it all turns out, but I really have to say, I am so proud of my husband, he is wise, and smart, and he WILL finish college, even if some days it seems like he might not finish a class.. It's just that overwhelming feeling of learning so many new things all at the same time.... He IS smart, and he CAN do this... He just needs to know that for sure :):) like I do :)
Angel Chasse (again)
.7(3x+6)=1.1-(x+2)
Fun stuff.. and Jim writes small, and still had to hand in 5 pages to do probs 1-91 odd showing all work :) He is not a big fan of showing his work :)
In other news, Jim is discovering that he doesn't like math, and to finish a bach of science in computer science you need a TON of math.. so.. he might rethink the bach of arts route instead. It seems that he thinks somehow that changing his path now is a failure on his part... I am trying to get him to see that it isn't.... TONS of people declare a major and change it once, sometimes even more times than that, before they get their final degree. I think that he wants to teach computers, and I think that he will be great at that, but he also might have wanted to work at NASA, and I think you need the bach of science to be considered there. We will see how it all turns out, but I really have to say, I am so proud of my husband, he is wise, and smart, and he WILL finish college, even if some days it seems like he might not finish a class.. It's just that overwhelming feeling of learning so many new things all at the same time.... He IS smart, and he CAN do this... He just needs to know that for sure :):) like I do :)
Angel Chasse (again)
9/22/2005
Political Test I Took
I am not advocating this test, I just did it for fun, and this is how mine came out. You are a
Social Liberal (60% permissive) and an...
Economic Liberal (38% permissive)You are best described as a:
Centrist This was at http://www.okcupid.com/politics - See, I have nothing better to do right now :) At least I am not as unlucky as Jim... he is doing algebra homework :(
Social Liberal (60% permissive)
Economic Liberal (38% permissive)You are best described as a:
Centrist
Rita...and Misc.
Man, I can't seem to wrap my head around this 2nd cat 5 hurricane headed towards (they think) Galveston TX. Holy cow! Seems like to me, that sometimes, enough is ENOUGH.. but, hopefully with the devastation of Katrina, there were lessons learned, and things will be swifter this time, and people that need to get out of harm's way will do so. How does that saying go.. "those that do not learn from history are destined to repeat it" - I hope that is not the case here. Jimbo has finished his proposal for his research paper. Now to get that idea approved, and get to the researching and writing part :) - He is planning on writing about the importance of continued missions to Mars, to delve into the future, as well as the past. -- well, he writes it much more elegantly than that, but that is the jist of it :)
On a side note, this stomach-ache can go AWAY now, and stay far far away.
Another side note, www.give.org shows a listing of many charities, and where there dollars go. A few people I have run into said that the American Red Cross loses a lot of the dollars that you and I donate, to administrative costs. It looks to be about 5.4% from this site's info.. just wanted to share that, thought I am not saying I am an expert on it.
PS
I am addicted to TV (not a new thing) but now we have a DVR - so we can tape shows and fast forward through commercials, and etc... so I have quite the list of things recording..
ER
House
Two and a half men
King of Queens
Anything Rachael Ray and lots of food network.. shocker there :)
How its made on the Science channel
7th Heaven
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart
Desparate Housewives
Sex and the city on WGN Channel (where did the extra 8 minutes of show go??)
I am sure there are more, but that is all I can think of for now :) That's bad :)
Angel Chasse (again)
www.jimandangel.com
On a side note, this stomach-ache can go AWAY now, and stay far far away.
Another side note, www.give.org shows a listing of many charities, and where there dollars go. A few people I have run into said that the American Red Cross loses a lot of the dollars that you and I donate, to administrative costs. It looks to be about 5.4% from this site's info.. just wanted to share that, thought I am not saying I am an expert on it.
PS
I am addicted to TV (not a new thing) but now we have a DVR - so we can tape shows and fast forward through commercials, and etc... so I have quite the list of things recording..
ER
House
Two and a half men
King of Queens
Anything Rachael Ray and lots of food network.. shocker there :)
How its made on the Science channel
7th Heaven
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart
Desparate Housewives
Sex and the city on WGN Channel (where did the extra 8 minutes of show go??)
I am sure there are more, but that is all I can think of for now :) That's bad :)
Angel Chasse (again)
www.jimandangel.com
9/15/2005
What I did in Louisiana
The day to day of what I did while working at my shelter…
I had intended to stay for 3 weeks, but I got salmonella poisoning, and came home early. When I am feeling a bit better, I will volunteer with my local Red Cross chapter, and will certainly go back the coast if they need me there once I am 100% here is what a typical day was kind of like…
610 am wake up get ready
630 am head to home-ec room/kitchen and help prepare breakfast I usually just opened cans, or stirred stuff or washed dishes and cleaned… there were 2 ladies that were residents of the shelter that kind of took the lead on what to cook for breakfast… lots of pancakes, grits, eggs, biscuits stuff like that, and tons of little cans of fruit cocktail and assorted other stuff that needed to be opened up - I was good at that.. In the home-ec room there were two huge center islands, and 4 stoves, a little bigger than a usual home stove but not industrial by any means we used the tools and pans and containers that the school had there for us so we would cook everything up, and then sit it on the center island and make an assembly line to scoop the food into the Styrofoam containers that we had.. (I am informed they are called clamshells – and some couldn’t remember that name and called them oyster shells) - so we would let people start in line about 8am and be done serving by 9-915 – then I helped with cleanup and washed all tables and chairs down, put the chairs up on top of the tables and vacuumed… there were always things to do in the kitchen… take out the 10 garbage cans, or fill the big tub with more ice and bottled water… or mop, or wipe stuff down, there were a ton of things to do in the kitchen…
930 we had a brief staff meeting. I was technically in charge of events and happenings, and news, and helping in kitchen and planning and doing activities with the little kids each night… Anyone who knows me, knows I loved that part (
So about 10 I would meet with Joe, the shelter manager, and we would go over any news that he wanted me to write out on papers and post at all major doors, or stuff that just needed to go on our updates bulletin board… by the time I got all those signs made up and dispersed, it was usually time go to the back of the school area and get bags of ice to restock the kitchen and front office, or various errands and then on to helping with lunch at 1130 – lunch and supper were hot meals cooked for us by the volunteers of the Southern Baptist Convention churches… They had volunteers much like the Red Cross does, and would cook all day… that food was put into big red containers, called Cambros, that kept hot food hot, and cold food cold, losing only one degree per hour if they were not opened… So the ERV (emergency response vehicle) would deliver us that food, and also supplies that they knew we needed and could get their hands on for us like cups and clamshells, and misc. snacks etc… after serving lunch, we again cleaned up so at about 2pm I usually went up to the front desk to see if they needed any help with room counts.. every day (or nearly every day, depending) we would knock on all the residents doors and ask who was all still there in that room, and make an accurate count, so we would know who had gone, and who all remained… it was a nice time to get to check on everyone and see how they were doing, and if they needed anything (that we could provide) they all needed things we couldn’t even begin to help with.
From about 4-530 I just ran errands and helped anyone who was doing something, there was always plenty to do, and I tried to plan something to do with the kids that evening
Again, 530 prepare for dinner, 730 done with cleanup from that … 730to 9 was fun time for the kids, and we did coloring contests, and had story time, and watched a movie, always with a snack involved… Sometimes this part was hard, because I was the only staff assigned to entertain 20-25 kids, from way too young (like 2 and in diapers) to old, like 15… so sometimes the kids got a bit out of hand, but they knew the rules - you don’t listen, you get sent back to your room - no snack -- I had a few little stuffed animals that Joe the shelter manager had scrounged up too, so I could give those out as top prize for the night, who behaved best that night etc… after the kids got their snack and headed back to their rooms, I just cleaned up the area we used, and then headed for bed, usually by 930-10 and for my baby-wipe shower, and for my cell phone to call home and see how the family was…. We girls had our own classroom that we slept in, and usually we would swap stories of our day, and a few tears over things that had been said, or witnessed, or just over a long, rough day.
Our Staff at Pearl River High School Red Cross Shelter
Joe – Shelter Manager (In Charge) Went out into town to get supplies from Wal-Mart, oversaw all of us other Red Crossers and volunteers, and I would assume made any and all contact with the Red Cross headquarters
Bob- 1st time disaster volunteer, handled front desk and housing (assigning rooms etc) He was also the ice hauler, the overflowing sink/toilet fixer, the all around helpful guy if you needed anything done that took two people, he would always come to your rescue
Pam- Canadian Red Cross Volunteer, Experienced… Front desk, in charge of list of residents and checking in and out and various questions/concerns
Sandy – Canadian Red Cross Volunteer, Experienced - Headed the kitchen ordering and supplies, and oversaw menus etc…
Sharon – Nurse (RN) – experienced volunteer – took care of sick (as best we could) oversaw the special needs people in the shelter library, and coordinated when the doctors came to see residents – also helped us with whatever was needed when she was not busy
Angel – 1st time disaster volunteer - did whatever was asked of me, helped with all 3 meals, in charge of signs that went up giving info on showers and news and FEMA and various other happenings… ran children’s programs at night
We had 3 other people with us, that were running the shelter with Joe before Bob, Pam, Sandy and I arrived. They were from Ohio I think, and they were Ralph, Fred, and Carl (Carl was the manager)
They have a term at the Red Cross LDV Local Disaster Volunteers …usually people residing in the shelter that agree and want to help with meals or cleaning or whatever they would like to do… we had some great ones!!! A couple of guys usually volunteered to take out all the garbage after mealtime, and some helped us serve meals if we were spread too thin, 2 ladies in particular helped cook breakfast every morning, it was great since they knew what the people of LA would want to eat, and they could tell us Yankees how to make it … they were wonderful!!!!
For a short time, we also had Victor. He is a HAM radio operator and drove from Texas (I think) to help us get communication with headquarters… sometimes he could get right through, and sometimes he had to relay messages through someone in Slidell, a neighboring town, and get them to Covington or Baton Rouge that way. He was a very nice guy, and even offered to let us hear the radio news, or TV news at ten when he got it to come in Only bad thing was we were all so tired, that we just opted to go to bed instead. He is a very smart guy, with a lot of contacts it seems I don’t really think he got the respect he deserved in our staff meetings, but I think he was great. Our link to the outside world
I don’t think I am really ready to figure out what I want to say about how it was down there, as far as the residents we talked with and met and lived with, or the stories we heard, there is good and bad, and I don’t think I can get out what I want to say fully.
One thing was, even though we KNEW that the people were upset with the Red Cross being so slow in their efforts of help, not many of those residents ever had a bad thing to say to us. I know they talked on their own, but when we were serving dinner, or walking by, or offering them help in any way, they were for the most part all very, very thankful that we were there, and of the things we COULD do for them up to that point. It felt very weird hearing them say thank you, when they had things much worse than we did. They were still grateful.
I will write more about the people and how they were coping and that type of thing, but right now, I am still not feeling 100% and, I don’t know for sure what stories to share, so I will think a bit more on that and post it when I think I have a good plan
I had intended to stay for 3 weeks, but I got salmonella poisoning, and came home early. When I am feeling a bit better, I will volunteer with my local Red Cross chapter, and will certainly go back the coast if they need me there once I am 100% here is what a typical day was kind of like…
610 am wake up get ready
630 am head to home-ec room/kitchen and help prepare breakfast I usually just opened cans, or stirred stuff or washed dishes and cleaned… there were 2 ladies that were residents of the shelter that kind of took the lead on what to cook for breakfast… lots of pancakes, grits, eggs, biscuits stuff like that, and tons of little cans of fruit cocktail and assorted other stuff that needed to be opened up - I was good at that.. In the home-ec room there were two huge center islands, and 4 stoves, a little bigger than a usual home stove but not industrial by any means we used the tools and pans and containers that the school had there for us so we would cook everything up, and then sit it on the center island and make an assembly line to scoop the food into the Styrofoam containers that we had.. (I am informed they are called clamshells – and some couldn’t remember that name and called them oyster shells) - so we would let people start in line about 8am and be done serving by 9-915 – then I helped with cleanup and washed all tables and chairs down, put the chairs up on top of the tables and vacuumed… there were always things to do in the kitchen… take out the 10 garbage cans, or fill the big tub with more ice and bottled water… or mop, or wipe stuff down, there were a ton of things to do in the kitchen…
930 we had a brief staff meeting. I was technically in charge of events and happenings, and news, and helping in kitchen and planning and doing activities with the little kids each night… Anyone who knows me, knows I loved that part (
So about 10 I would meet with Joe, the shelter manager, and we would go over any news that he wanted me to write out on papers and post at all major doors, or stuff that just needed to go on our updates bulletin board… by the time I got all those signs made up and dispersed, it was usually time go to the back of the school area and get bags of ice to restock the kitchen and front office, or various errands and then on to helping with lunch at 1130 – lunch and supper were hot meals cooked for us by the volunteers of the Southern Baptist Convention churches… They had volunteers much like the Red Cross does, and would cook all day… that food was put into big red containers, called Cambros, that kept hot food hot, and cold food cold, losing only one degree per hour if they were not opened… So the ERV (emergency response vehicle) would deliver us that food, and also supplies that they knew we needed and could get their hands on for us like cups and clamshells, and misc. snacks etc… after serving lunch, we again cleaned up so at about 2pm I usually went up to the front desk to see if they needed any help with room counts.. every day (or nearly every day, depending) we would knock on all the residents doors and ask who was all still there in that room, and make an accurate count, so we would know who had gone, and who all remained… it was a nice time to get to check on everyone and see how they were doing, and if they needed anything (that we could provide) they all needed things we couldn’t even begin to help with.
From about 4-530 I just ran errands and helped anyone who was doing something, there was always plenty to do, and I tried to plan something to do with the kids that evening
Again, 530 prepare for dinner, 730 done with cleanup from that … 730to 9 was fun time for the kids, and we did coloring contests, and had story time, and watched a movie, always with a snack involved… Sometimes this part was hard, because I was the only staff assigned to entertain 20-25 kids, from way too young (like 2 and in diapers) to old, like 15… so sometimes the kids got a bit out of hand, but they knew the rules - you don’t listen, you get sent back to your room - no snack -- I had a few little stuffed animals that Joe the shelter manager had scrounged up too, so I could give those out as top prize for the night, who behaved best that night etc… after the kids got their snack and headed back to their rooms, I just cleaned up the area we used, and then headed for bed, usually by 930-10 and for my baby-wipe shower, and for my cell phone to call home and see how the family was…. We girls had our own classroom that we slept in, and usually we would swap stories of our day, and a few tears over things that had been said, or witnessed, or just over a long, rough day.
Our Staff at Pearl River High School Red Cross Shelter
Joe – Shelter Manager (In Charge) Went out into town to get supplies from Wal-Mart, oversaw all of us other Red Crossers and volunteers, and I would assume made any and all contact with the Red Cross headquarters
Bob- 1st time disaster volunteer, handled front desk and housing (assigning rooms etc) He was also the ice hauler, the overflowing sink/toilet fixer, the all around helpful guy if you needed anything done that took two people, he would always come to your rescue
Pam- Canadian Red Cross Volunteer, Experienced… Front desk, in charge of list of residents and checking in and out and various questions/concerns
Sandy – Canadian Red Cross Volunteer, Experienced - Headed the kitchen ordering and supplies, and oversaw menus etc…
Sharon – Nurse (RN) – experienced volunteer – took care of sick (as best we could) oversaw the special needs people in the shelter library, and coordinated when the doctors came to see residents – also helped us with whatever was needed when she was not busy
Angel – 1st time disaster volunteer - did whatever was asked of me, helped with all 3 meals, in charge of signs that went up giving info on showers and news and FEMA and various other happenings… ran children’s programs at night
We had 3 other people with us, that were running the shelter with Joe before Bob, Pam, Sandy and I arrived. They were from Ohio I think, and they were Ralph, Fred, and Carl (Carl was the manager)
They have a term at the Red Cross LDV Local Disaster Volunteers …usually people residing in the shelter that agree and want to help with meals or cleaning or whatever they would like to do… we had some great ones!!! A couple of guys usually volunteered to take out all the garbage after mealtime, and some helped us serve meals if we were spread too thin, 2 ladies in particular helped cook breakfast every morning, it was great since they knew what the people of LA would want to eat, and they could tell us Yankees how to make it … they were wonderful!!!!
For a short time, we also had Victor. He is a HAM radio operator and drove from Texas (I think) to help us get communication with headquarters… sometimes he could get right through, and sometimes he had to relay messages through someone in Slidell, a neighboring town, and get them to Covington or Baton Rouge that way. He was a very nice guy, and even offered to let us hear the radio news, or TV news at ten when he got it to come in Only bad thing was we were all so tired, that we just opted to go to bed instead. He is a very smart guy, with a lot of contacts it seems I don’t really think he got the respect he deserved in our staff meetings, but I think he was great. Our link to the outside world
I don’t think I am really ready to figure out what I want to say about how it was down there, as far as the residents we talked with and met and lived with, or the stories we heard, there is good and bad, and I don’t think I can get out what I want to say fully.
One thing was, even though we KNEW that the people were upset with the Red Cross being so slow in their efforts of help, not many of those residents ever had a bad thing to say to us. I know they talked on their own, but when we were serving dinner, or walking by, or offering them help in any way, they were for the most part all very, very thankful that we were there, and of the things we COULD do for them up to that point. It felt very weird hearing them say thank you, when they had things much worse than we did. They were still grateful.
I will write more about the people and how they were coping and that type of thing, but right now, I am still not feeling 100% and, I don’t know for sure what stories to share, so I will think a bit more on that and post it when I think I have a good plan
9/13/2005
I'm back home early
http://www.jimandangel.com/katrina/
Jim made a page for updates while I was down in Louisiana.
I am home early. I have a "bit of Salmonella poisoning".. so says the Dr that saw me in Louisiana. He sent me home with a "stomach virus" then got blood work back the next day and called me. I am really bummed that I had to leave the Red Cross early, but I am glad that with salmonella, it is only me that is sick, and I didn't/couldn't spread it to the residents of our shelter.
I am working on a word document that tells a little about what I did when I was down there, and what I thought of the experience.. overall it was WONDERFUL. I wish I wasn't sick now of course, and some things that happened down there were not the greatest, but I will tell you all about it after I have regained my wits and energy a bit.
Please, if you pray, or what ever you might do in lieu of that, the people down in Louisiana and the Gulf Coast could use it. Many of them were poor to begin with, and now they have the clothes on their back....
Take care :)
More later
Angel Chasse (again)
Jim made a page for updates while I was down in Louisiana.
I am home early. I have a "bit of Salmonella poisoning".. so says the Dr that saw me in Louisiana. He sent me home with a "stomach virus" then got blood work back the next day and called me. I am really bummed that I had to leave the Red Cross early, but I am glad that with salmonella, it is only me that is sick, and I didn't/couldn't spread it to the residents of our shelter.
I am working on a word document that tells a little about what I did when I was down there, and what I thought of the experience.. overall it was WONDERFUL. I wish I wasn't sick now of course, and some things that happened down there were not the greatest, but I will tell you all about it after I have regained my wits and energy a bit.
Please, if you pray, or what ever you might do in lieu of that, the people down in Louisiana and the Gulf Coast could use it. Many of them were poor to begin with, and now they have the clothes on their back....
Take care :)
More later
Angel Chasse (again)
9/02/2005
Angel and Katrina
I am going with the Red Cross down to Houston tomorrow. From there they will assign me to a post. I am told we won't be going yet into New Orleans, but I am willing to help wherever I can. I called my local red cross chapter, and let them know that I knew they needed cash right now, but that is not something I have.. what I do have is time, and a willingness to help. So, they got me into a class, and I did paperwork, and tomorrow I leave for Houston by plane. From there I will go to the staging area for more training/paperwork, and then to what will be my post. I am committed to them for 3 weeks, but who knows, if they need me, and I can handle it, I would love to stay longer.. but time will tell how that goes... I am so nervous, and so happy to be able to help all at the same time.. I know I will see and experience things there that I have never seen or experienced before, but all in all, I think it will make me a better person than I know how to be now. So if any of you out there reading this do not have any cash to give, let me be the first to tell you that they need volunteers. You don't have to go to Katrina, like I am doing, but the local chapters are flooded with work for volunteers as well. So if you don't have cash, but you have time.. consider it?
Here's to hoping that the people of the gulf coast start to get what they need... and soon..
Angel Chasse (again)
Friday night, 10:49 Central. From Home in Iowa
Here's to hoping that the people of the gulf coast start to get what they need... and soon..
Angel Chasse (again)
Friday night, 10:49 Central. From Home in Iowa
8/30/2005
8/25/2005
The Website ... Part II
So, I spent like 6 hours yesterday making a new page for the site, and updating lots of pictures from the old site... and then I did something (not sure what) and 2 of my pages were missing all their pictures and were basically screwed up.. so I was mad, sad, upset, and I didn't want to work on the site anymore.. -- but a new day, and a new challenge I guess. I didn't sleep much last night, so I might just be tired, and willing to start over cuz of that.. but is probably cuz Jim encouraged me :) :) - Yep, pretty sure that was it
So, some of the pages are updated again now, and I hope they don't wreck themselves any time soon.... so on the webpage saga goes.. but really, I think I am in over my head on this. .I can do simple simple stuff, but when it gets at all complicated, I get confused and mess it all up... anyway... so its just a website in the long run :)
http://www.jimandangel.com
Enjoy :)
Angel Chasse (again)
So, some of the pages are updated again now, and I hope they don't wreck themselves any time soon.... so on the webpage saga goes.. but really, I think I am in over my head on this. .I can do simple simple stuff, but when it gets at all complicated, I get confused and mess it all up... anyway... so its just a website in the long run :)
http://www.jimandangel.com
Enjoy :)
Angel Chasse (again)
8/24/2005
Jim and Angel's Website
Our site is up!! Yay.. Thanks to Jim, our site is up. I have updated some of the pages, but some still need some updates .. soon there will be a page that shows pictures of our new apartment (well new in may I guess) - I am excited. Jim showed me some of how to edit pages, so I have done a fair amount of that today, with more all week long :)
The site is at:
http://jimandangel.com
Stop by anytime.. and sign the guestbook if you'd like :)
Angel Chasse (again)
The site is at:
http://jimandangel.com
Stop by anytime.. and sign the guestbook if you'd like :)
Angel Chasse (again)
8/21/2005
What to write about, what to write about?
I need to keep this thing as a more "daily" part of my life.. I promised myself I would.
Today, just listening to some music, and catching up on everyone's blog.
Jim starts back to college on Wednesday. Woo hoo for him :)
I've been thinking of what "larger cities" I would like to move to once he has his degree.
He hates winter here in the midwest, and hates the humidity of the summer..
Soooo.. somewhere south possibly? Both coasts are too expensive, especially when
you consider we are used to Iowa/South Dakota prices for everything.
So, maybe Arizona.. a couple of online friends rave about Tucson.. we'll see..
it's 4 years from now.
I am going to look up now (I think) to see if there are any ways to do something before
you go to bed, to keep the nightmares to a minimum (is that how you spell that?)
I've had more than my fair share of nightmares these last couple of weeks, but I
am not sure why? - Ok, so here is some portion of a song by Garth Brooks
It's called Face to Face :
Your date showed up with flowers
And you thought your dreams had come
But with every passing hour
You felt it come undone
Then the night exploded and you begged him no
But he forever changed your life
And now he waits a judge and jury
Thinkin' you'll break down inside
And with a finger you can put his fists away
And you're face to face
Face to face with the devil that you've been dreadin'
Eye to eye finally has arrived
But bad as it was, well little sister wasn't it better
Dealin' with him face to face
'Cause it'll never go away
Until the fear that you are runnin' from is finally embraced
Drivin' by the grave yard
On a wicked winter's eve
And you're wonderin' why a man of faith
Is whistlin' nervously
Then you stop the car
And you hold your heart
'Cause you finally realize
Hell, the devil ain't in the darkness
He's 'rattlin' 'round inside
And with folded hands you truly start to pray
And you're face to face
Face to face with the devil that you've been dreadin'
Eye to eye finally has arrived
But bad as it was, well now brother wasn't it better
Dealin' with him face to face
'Cause it'll never go away
Until the fear that you are runnin' from is finally embraced
Face to face
Then you stop the car
And you hold your heart
'Cause you finally realize
Hell, the devil ain't in the darkness
He's 'rattlin' 'round inside
I have that devil, I think he resides in my heart. He would probably be the reason I hear strange and mean voices in my head telling me I should just kill myself, and that I will never be loved and I will never deserve anything. Anything good that is. I suppose for me, I need to get rid of that devil, and then I can move on. I was thinking the other day. It was the weirdest thing. I realized that I can't feel someone's love. I know that my husband loves me, and he says it enough. I even believe that he is not lying about loving me. I guess my thought of "how could he love ME" takes over, and it makes it hard, if not impossible for me to take it on faith, and look at all the evidence that he loves me, and let that in, feel it. Weird.. I know.. weird for me even to think about. It's the same way with everyone. I know how *I* feel towards them, there is no doubt for me that others deserve and have my love. I just don't really get that some people actually, really, truly, deeply, for real, forever love *ME* - weird. I suppose that would make a good topic with a therapist. I just always feel like at any moment people could all just walk away from me thinking I am too much work, and too dramatic, and I half expect them to actually walk away. - I really need to work on that, cuz it messes with me a lot. *Special note if your name is Jim and you are reading this * - I love you, I *know* that you love me more than anyone has ever loved me.. ever.. - the part I need to work on is feeling like I could ever be deserving of your love, and that you aren't just going to come home one day and tell me to get lost. If that makes sense? -- anyway, back to my music, no more deep thinking today...
Anyone want cookies? I am drinking water, and eating cookies.. I am pretty sure that is not going to cancel out :)
Angel Chasse (again)
Today, just listening to some music, and catching up on everyone's blog.
Jim starts back to college on Wednesday. Woo hoo for him :)
I've been thinking of what "larger cities" I would like to move to once he has his degree.
He hates winter here in the midwest, and hates the humidity of the summer..
Soooo.. somewhere south possibly? Both coasts are too expensive, especially when
you consider we are used to Iowa/South Dakota prices for everything.
So, maybe Arizona.. a couple of online friends rave about Tucson.. we'll see..
it's 4 years from now.
I am going to look up now (I think) to see if there are any ways to do something before
you go to bed, to keep the nightmares to a minimum (is that how you spell that?)
I've had more than my fair share of nightmares these last couple of weeks, but I
am not sure why? - Ok, so here is some portion of a song by Garth Brooks
It's called Face to Face :
Your date showed up with flowers
And you thought your dreams had come
But with every passing hour
You felt it come undone
Then the night exploded and you begged him no
But he forever changed your life
And now he waits a judge and jury
Thinkin' you'll break down inside
And with a finger you can put his fists away
And you're face to face
Face to face with the devil that you've been dreadin'
Eye to eye finally has arrived
But bad as it was, well little sister wasn't it better
Dealin' with him face to face
'Cause it'll never go away
Until the fear that you are runnin' from is finally embraced
Drivin' by the grave yard
On a wicked winter's eve
And you're wonderin' why a man of faith
Is whistlin' nervously
Then you stop the car
And you hold your heart
'Cause you finally realize
Hell, the devil ain't in the darkness
He's 'rattlin' 'round inside
And with folded hands you truly start to pray
And you're face to face
Face to face with the devil that you've been dreadin'
Eye to eye finally has arrived
But bad as it was, well now brother wasn't it better
Dealin' with him face to face
'Cause it'll never go away
Until the fear that you are runnin' from is finally embraced
Face to face
Then you stop the car
And you hold your heart
'Cause you finally realize
Hell, the devil ain't in the darkness
He's 'rattlin' 'round inside
I have that devil, I think he resides in my heart. He would probably be the reason I hear strange and mean voices in my head telling me I should just kill myself, and that I will never be loved and I will never deserve anything. Anything good that is. I suppose for me, I need to get rid of that devil, and then I can move on. I was thinking the other day. It was the weirdest thing. I realized that I can't feel someone's love. I know that my husband loves me, and he says it enough. I even believe that he is not lying about loving me. I guess my thought of "how could he love ME" takes over, and it makes it hard, if not impossible for me to take it on faith, and look at all the evidence that he loves me, and let that in, feel it. Weird.. I know.. weird for me even to think about. It's the same way with everyone. I know how *I* feel towards them, there is no doubt for me that others deserve and have my love. I just don't really get that some people actually, really, truly, deeply, for real, forever love *ME* - weird. I suppose that would make a good topic with a therapist. I just always feel like at any moment people could all just walk away from me thinking I am too much work, and too dramatic, and I half expect them to actually walk away. - I really need to work on that, cuz it messes with me a lot. *Special note if your name is Jim and you are reading this * - I love you, I *know* that you love me more than anyone has ever loved me.. ever.. - the part I need to work on is feeling like I could ever be deserving of your love, and that you aren't just going to come home one day and tell me to get lost. If that makes sense? -- anyway, back to my music, no more deep thinking today...
Anyone want cookies? I am drinking water, and eating cookies.. I am pretty sure that is not going to cancel out :)
Angel Chasse (again)
8/18/2005
What do I believe Part II
Does anyone have any advice?
I don't know what I believe in...
I know I love my husband
I know I love my family
I know I love children
I know...
I know, or I am pretty sure.. that I am not the kind of person who can take things on faith...
I'm not even talking about religion yet.
I mean, like when people don't tell me they love me for a long time, I start to figure they don't..
And, when someone stops returning my calls, I assume they have nothing to say to me..
I have never been a person that could just really believe stuff, without it making sense to me.
I think this might be why religion is so confusing/complex/unfavorable for me to think about..
Examples, I have a ton of them. When something goes wrong, I assume it is something I did. When my sister doesn't call me back, I freak out, and assume that she doesn't want to talk to me specifically. I don't just figure (like most people, I would assume) that she is busy, has a new baby to take care of and lots of stuff to do .. I assume that she is not calling ME back, because she doesn't have anything that she wants to say to ME ...
When my husband has had a bad day, and is in a bad mood, I usually assume that there is something I could be doing for him to make him feel better, and if I can't do that, then I am not a good wife, and we are not right for each other anymore, and he probably is falling out of love with me......
When my little brother doesn't call, or stop by, I figure he doesn't have time for me either..
I don't know. I could go on and on about how I feel like I am always saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing (and sometimes I am, cuz I have a temper) -- but I just can't let things be. I can't just let someone be too busy to talk to anyone, let alone me, and I can't seem to stop taking it to heart when these kinds of things happen to me. I am missing that blind faith that others seem to have .... the kind that tells them that their sisters and brothers and family and husbands and moms and dads love them 110% of the time.. and that they would always love hearing from them.. and that no matter what, their husband can have a bad day, and even if you can't make it better, you are not failing as a wife.. I don't know about me sometimes. Sometimes it seems very self-centered to me that I would think that anyone takes enough time out of their busy day to even notice if they haven't called, or returned calls, or said hi, or stopped by.. I just don't know. I DO know that it feels crappy to feel this way, and it ruins your life to be this way... Talk therapy.. yup, should do it.. and should get back on some meds.. yup.. and should check out the dr's office that says they go on a sliding scale here, yup.. Maybe this coming week I will do all of this....
Other things that suck about being me:
Feeling like I am less of a person than basically any other person I have ever met.
Feeling like I am going to die having not done any one significant thing to help society
Wanting a baby so bad that it hurts sometimes..
Wanting/Needing/Loving my husband, but constantly feeling as if I should just do the right thing and let him get on with the life that he was supposed to lead, before he met me
Being scared of the dark
Hating to go anywhere around other people
Being so needy
Being so sad
Negativity, negativity, negativity
Laziness, and lack of motivation
Wanting to just act like I am "normal" nothing wrong, no need for meds or help ever..
Going off meds, thinking I will be fine without them
Hearing voices.. if most people know how often I hear voices (all the time) - they would not come near me I think
Feeling like suicide is a viable option sometimes.. and having tried it many times
Feeling like I have let my parents, my family, my friends, and most of all my husband down by not just being "fake happy" like I was when I met my husband. Sometimes I feel like if he had known I would be the way I am today, there is no way we would have gotten close, much less gotten married...
I know.. I know... distorted thinking.. I have been told.. I have been retold.. I have been told again... but most days it feels so REAL.. so REALITY.. so ALL THERE IS FOR ME TO THINK..
Today wasn't an especially rough day for me, but I sure could use some time off from all of the things swirling in my head.. vacation .. now.. vacation.... now... anyway.. if you have read this.. anyone.. you deserve a gold star :)
Angel Chasse (again)
I don't know what I believe in...
I know I love my husband
I know I love my family
I know I love children
I know...
I know, or I am pretty sure.. that I am not the kind of person who can take things on faith...
I'm not even talking about religion yet.
I mean, like when people don't tell me they love me for a long time, I start to figure they don't..
And, when someone stops returning my calls, I assume they have nothing to say to me..
I have never been a person that could just really believe stuff, without it making sense to me.
I think this might be why religion is so confusing/complex/unfavorable for me to think about..
Examples, I have a ton of them. When something goes wrong, I assume it is something I did. When my sister doesn't call me back, I freak out, and assume that she doesn't want to talk to me specifically. I don't just figure (like most people, I would assume) that she is busy, has a new baby to take care of and lots of stuff to do .. I assume that she is not calling ME back, because she doesn't have anything that she wants to say to ME ...
When my husband has had a bad day, and is in a bad mood, I usually assume that there is something I could be doing for him to make him feel better, and if I can't do that, then I am not a good wife, and we are not right for each other anymore, and he probably is falling out of love with me......
When my little brother doesn't call, or stop by, I figure he doesn't have time for me either..
I don't know. I could go on and on about how I feel like I am always saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing (and sometimes I am, cuz I have a temper) -- but I just can't let things be. I can't just let someone be too busy to talk to anyone, let alone me, and I can't seem to stop taking it to heart when these kinds of things happen to me. I am missing that blind faith that others seem to have .... the kind that tells them that their sisters and brothers and family and husbands and moms and dads love them 110% of the time.. and that they would always love hearing from them.. and that no matter what, their husband can have a bad day, and even if you can't make it better, you are not failing as a wife.. I don't know about me sometimes. Sometimes it seems very self-centered to me that I would think that anyone takes enough time out of their busy day to even notice if they haven't called, or returned calls, or said hi, or stopped by.. I just don't know. I DO know that it feels crappy to feel this way, and it ruins your life to be this way... Talk therapy.. yup, should do it.. and should get back on some meds.. yup.. and should check out the dr's office that says they go on a sliding scale here, yup.. Maybe this coming week I will do all of this....
Other things that suck about being me:
Feeling like I am less of a person than basically any other person I have ever met.
Feeling like I am going to die having not done any one significant thing to help society
Wanting a baby so bad that it hurts sometimes..
Wanting/Needing/Loving my husband, but constantly feeling as if I should just do the right thing and let him get on with the life that he was supposed to lead, before he met me
Being scared of the dark
Hating to go anywhere around other people
Being so needy
Being so sad
Negativity, negativity, negativity
Laziness, and lack of motivation
Wanting to just act like I am "normal" nothing wrong, no need for meds or help ever..
Going off meds, thinking I will be fine without them
Hearing voices.. if most people know how often I hear voices (all the time) - they would not come near me I think
Feeling like suicide is a viable option sometimes.. and having tried it many times
Feeling like I have let my parents, my family, my friends, and most of all my husband down by not just being "fake happy" like I was when I met my husband. Sometimes I feel like if he had known I would be the way I am today, there is no way we would have gotten close, much less gotten married...
I know.. I know... distorted thinking.. I have been told.. I have been retold.. I have been told again... but most days it feels so REAL.. so REALITY.. so ALL THERE IS FOR ME TO THINK..
Today wasn't an especially rough day for me, but I sure could use some time off from all of the things swirling in my head.. vacation .. now.. vacation.... now... anyway.. if you have read this.. anyone.. you deserve a gold star :)
Angel Chasse (again)
8/14/2005
News...
Not a lot going on here. Just spending time with the husband, and the family, and the friends :)
Jim goes back to school on the 24th and he is beyond excited about it. I am excited too, for him.
My jaw hurts. Seems like a muscle used for chewing is hurting, and I am not sure why, I do wish it would go away, and quickly.. 3 days is long enough for that!!! - Today is my Aunt Pennie's birthday, then Tuesday is my friend Shannon's, and then Wednesday is my cousin Brady's - lots of birthdays this month I guess. Still trying to keep up on my water drinking, so I have resorted to putting a bit (like quarter of a cup or less) of strong coffee in my water bottle during the morning, so I feel like I am getting coffee, but am still drinking my water. I always thought that when you started drinking a lot of water (for me I am trying for 3 liters a day, as I am a big person) - well anyway, I thought that once you have been drinking that much water for like a week or a little more, that you would pee less.. I mean like.. I have to pee allll the time now.. I guess that is good, flushing the old system out.. I don't know though. I have never gone to the bathroom this much in my life ;) -- I do have Dr Thunder in the fridge, but now I use that for a treat instead of drinking only that all day. I think in my own mind, I am doing well at the water thing :) lol --- we will see if it lasts... Im 27 years old, inactive, crazy, and extremely obese --- drinking water can't HURT lol --- ok... now back to my sore jaw muscle.. I haven't done anything to injure it or tire it out extremely, so I figure I have been having bad dreams a LOT and maybe when that happens a I grit my teeth and bite down a lot - that is the only thing I can figure that it could be... so anyway, I hope it feels better soon, cuz it hurts to chew.. and hey, that can be another weight loss tool.. .JUST KIDDIN! --
I read/heard about the plane crash in Greece. 121 people killed. *sad* -- I tell ya, the news, whenever I remember to turn it on.. its not good.. - I was also wondering, random thing... I watched the world news tonight show last Friday... are they going to keep calling it World News Tonight With Peter Jennings, or are they just leaving it that way for a time, to honor him? I don't know. I guess I should look it up. I am very happy as we have had some really cool weather lately.. I hate hate hate hate the heat :) I am a fall/winter girl all the way!!!!!! Come on FALL!!!!!!
Ok, I had better go for now, I am going to try to be better at posting more often, but I really don't have anything but complaining to do a lot of the days, so I try to stay away from this totally becoming "Angel's bitchiness blog" --- ask Jim, he knows about it.. he lives in "Angel's Bitchiness World" -- not fun...
Angel Chasse (again)
Jim goes back to school on the 24th and he is beyond excited about it. I am excited too, for him.
My jaw hurts. Seems like a muscle used for chewing is hurting, and I am not sure why, I do wish it would go away, and quickly.. 3 days is long enough for that!!! - Today is my Aunt Pennie's birthday, then Tuesday is my friend Shannon's, and then Wednesday is my cousin Brady's - lots of birthdays this month I guess. Still trying to keep up on my water drinking, so I have resorted to putting a bit (like quarter of a cup or less) of strong coffee in my water bottle during the morning, so I feel like I am getting coffee, but am still drinking my water. I always thought that when you started drinking a lot of water (for me I am trying for 3 liters a day, as I am a big person) - well anyway, I thought that once you have been drinking that much water for like a week or a little more, that you would pee less.. I mean like.. I have to pee allll the time now.. I guess that is good, flushing the old system out.. I don't know though. I have never gone to the bathroom this much in my life ;) -- I do have Dr Thunder in the fridge, but now I use that for a treat instead of drinking only that all day. I think in my own mind, I am doing well at the water thing :) lol --- we will see if it lasts... Im 27 years old, inactive, crazy, and extremely obese --- drinking water can't HURT lol --- ok... now back to my sore jaw muscle.. I haven't done anything to injure it or tire it out extremely, so I figure I have been having bad dreams a LOT and maybe when that happens a I grit my teeth and bite down a lot - that is the only thing I can figure that it could be... so anyway, I hope it feels better soon, cuz it hurts to chew.. and hey, that can be another weight loss tool.. .JUST KIDDIN! --
I read/heard about the plane crash in Greece. 121 people killed. *sad* -- I tell ya, the news, whenever I remember to turn it on.. its not good.. - I was also wondering, random thing... I watched the world news tonight show last Friday... are they going to keep calling it World News Tonight With Peter Jennings, or are they just leaving it that way for a time, to honor him? I don't know. I guess I should look it up. I am very happy as we have had some really cool weather lately.. I hate hate hate hate the heat :) I am a fall/winter girl all the way!!!!!! Come on FALL!!!!!!
Ok, I had better go for now, I am going to try to be better at posting more often, but I really don't have anything but complaining to do a lot of the days, so I try to stay away from this totally becoming "Angel's bitchiness blog" --- ask Jim, he knows about it.. he lives in "Angel's Bitchiness World" -- not fun...
Angel Chasse (again)
8/08/2005
My birthday 2005
Well,
I am 27 now (and my license is expired, I need to go get a new one tomorrow)
Went swimming, grilled out some food, spent time with Jim (the husband) - and Becky (the friend) -- Drank a few too many strawberry daquiris.. but miraculously for me, only had a mild headache/tummyache combo to wake up to the next morning. WOO HOO!
Now see, I am not a drinker.. I used to do more than my fair share, but it just doesn't agree with me, and I finally said I was gonna quit trying to drink, and not puke :) lol -- gotta love me.. soooo... I hardly ever drink now, and when I do, its one or two.. I am a lightweight I think my brother calls it .... but ahh well.. drinking isn't what life is all about :)
Got an email from Rosie, cuz I signed up to be a part of her mailing list. That was very cool. She is going to be back on broadway as Golde, in fiddler on the roof. She is happy, and I am happy for her... lol .. .not much broadway going on in Iowa.. but oh well.. I'll never be cultured in that I am sure... I also learned today on Rosie's blog that Peter Jennings passed away. That is sad. I looked up lung cancer when he announced it 4 months ago, and all the news articles were bad, saying survival rate was like 15% or something.. so I kind of figured ... but wow.. an American Icon, passed on.. only 67 years old. Tragic...
Got my "dogtag" necklace in the mail today from www.americasupportsyou.mil I will wear it. I have always been saying... You can support the troops without supporting the liar that put them there. Cuz they are there, and they are doing what was asked of them, and I couldn't be any more proud of each and every man and woman over there.
Saw my grandma and aunt and cousin and my brother and his gf last night. Not much new on that front, except that my brother forgot it was my birthday last Thursday. I guess I would rather have 100000 people forget that it was my birthday, than to ever forget the birthday of someone close to me. My friend Shannon's is coming up pretty soon, so I'll have to make sure to send her a note :)
Ok, so I wanted to say hi to all the blogsters that I read:
Rosie :) HI!
Jimmie :) HI!
Becky:) HI!
Lu :) HI!
Cindy :) HI!
Hollie :) HI!
Marty :) HI!
Toni :) HI!
Ashley :) HI!
Dr Deborah Serani :) HI!
I enjoy getting a peek into your lives through your blogs :) I hope that you all continue blogging, and that you feel like you get something out of it :) Take care all!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
I am 27 now (and my license is expired, I need to go get a new one tomorrow)
Went swimming, grilled out some food, spent time with Jim (the husband) - and Becky (the friend) -- Drank a few too many strawberry daquiris.. but miraculously for me, only had a mild headache/tummyache combo to wake up to the next morning. WOO HOO!
Now see, I am not a drinker.. I used to do more than my fair share, but it just doesn't agree with me, and I finally said I was gonna quit trying to drink, and not puke :) lol -- gotta love me.. soooo... I hardly ever drink now, and when I do, its one or two.. I am a lightweight I think my brother calls it .... but ahh well.. drinking isn't what life is all about :)
Got an email from Rosie, cuz I signed up to be a part of her mailing list. That was very cool. She is going to be back on broadway as Golde, in fiddler on the roof. She is happy, and I am happy for her... lol .. .not much broadway going on in Iowa.. but oh well.. I'll never be cultured in that I am sure... I also learned today on Rosie's blog that Peter Jennings passed away. That is sad. I looked up lung cancer when he announced it 4 months ago, and all the news articles were bad, saying survival rate was like 15% or something.. so I kind of figured ... but wow.. an American Icon, passed on.. only 67 years old. Tragic...
Got my "dogtag" necklace in the mail today from www.americasupportsyou.mil I will wear it. I have always been saying... You can support the troops without supporting the liar that put them there. Cuz they are there, and they are doing what was asked of them, and I couldn't be any more proud of each and every man and woman over there.
Saw my grandma and aunt and cousin and my brother and his gf last night. Not much new on that front, except that my brother forgot it was my birthday last Thursday. I guess I would rather have 100000 people forget that it was my birthday, than to ever forget the birthday of someone close to me. My friend Shannon's is coming up pretty soon, so I'll have to make sure to send her a note :)
Ok, so I wanted to say hi to all the blogsters that I read:
Rosie :) HI!
Jimmie :) HI!
Becky:) HI!
Lu :) HI!
Cindy :) HI!
Hollie :) HI!
Marty :) HI!
Toni :) HI!
Ashley :) HI!
Dr Deborah Serani :) HI!
I enjoy getting a peek into your lives through your blogs :) I hope that you all continue blogging, and that you feel like you get something out of it :) Take care all!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
8/03/2005
27 Candles on the cake for me...
So,
Tomorrow is my birthday - the 27th one in the series.
What am I going to do to celebrate? I don't know.
I don't really feel much like celebrating.
Jim isn't feeling well. Been to the Dr twice this week.
It really sucks seeing someone you love this much suffer.
And knowing there isn't really anything you can do.
And not knowing what is wrong, and why he feels crappy.
And wanting them to feel better NOW - and not wanting them to have to take pills to get rid of the pain and ickiness... URGH
Of course, I just want the world to be perfect :) and I want people not to have to struggle to make ends meet, and I don't want people to be sick.. or tired.. or sick and tired..
I realize trully that I can't live in a perfect world, but man, some days, it seems like mine has gone to crap!
But a few good things:
I get to spend a lot of time with Jim soon, cuz he will be back to college and be at home working on homework, and guess where I will be? You guessed it, home :)
I get to see my mom whenever I want, now that we live here in Sioux City
Becky is here, and she always has the time and the ear to listen to all my bs, and crap, and whining, and usually has a different way to look at things for me to try.. that's cooool
Leo (our cat) is awesome! He is loving, but not over-bearing, and can take care of himself, but doesn't mind being alone :)
My brother and all of the rest of my family are great. It is not that I don't KNOW that I have a lot of good things going on. It just seems like sometimes, Jim and I get screwed.. I mean, combo of our bad choices, and bad karma, or whatever you want to say it is.. but sometimes it's like the road keeps getting bumpier, and then they tear out the road, you think they are going to put it back in, and you find out that it is even worse than the first road was.. urgh
Another good thing is that I love reading other people's blogs, and I think that this one might be good for me too.. It just seems that lately everything is so negative... but.. this too shall pass..
Angel Chasse (again)
Tomorrow is my birthday - the 27th one in the series.
What am I going to do to celebrate? I don't know.
I don't really feel much like celebrating.
Jim isn't feeling well. Been to the Dr twice this week.
It really sucks seeing someone you love this much suffer.
And knowing there isn't really anything you can do.
And not knowing what is wrong, and why he feels crappy.
And wanting them to feel better NOW - and not wanting them to have to take pills to get rid of the pain and ickiness... URGH
Of course, I just want the world to be perfect :) and I want people not to have to struggle to make ends meet, and I don't want people to be sick.. or tired.. or sick and tired..
I realize trully that I can't live in a perfect world, but man, some days, it seems like mine has gone to crap!
But a few good things:
I get to spend a lot of time with Jim soon, cuz he will be back to college and be at home working on homework, and guess where I will be? You guessed it, home :)
I get to see my mom whenever I want, now that we live here in Sioux City
Becky is here, and she always has the time and the ear to listen to all my bs, and crap, and whining, and usually has a different way to look at things for me to try.. that's cooool
Leo (our cat) is awesome! He is loving, but not over-bearing, and can take care of himself, but doesn't mind being alone :)
My brother and all of the rest of my family are great. It is not that I don't KNOW that I have a lot of good things going on. It just seems like sometimes, Jim and I get screwed.. I mean, combo of our bad choices, and bad karma, or whatever you want to say it is.. but sometimes it's like the road keeps getting bumpier, and then they tear out the road, you think they are going to put it back in, and you find out that it is even worse than the first road was.. urgh
Another good thing is that I love reading other people's blogs, and I think that this one might be good for me too.. It just seems that lately everything is so negative... but.. this too shall pass..
Angel Chasse (again)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)