In 2005:
*these are just the highlights, I am sure that there is a ton that I have forgotten*
I started this blog (thanks to Rosie)
Jim and I had our 7th wedding anniversary on Jan 6th
We moved to Sioux City - Memorial Day weekend
My first (ever) niece was born July 20th
I turned 27 - Jim turned 32
I went to Louisiana to work in a Red Cross shelter - and came home with salmonella (ick)
Got a car from a friend who upgraded his.. that was pretty cool, and needed :)
We just moved to a different more modern apartment across the lawn
I know I don't update this thing daily, but I love blogging, and I love to read other people's blogs as well. Not a lot of other things happened - unless I am forgetting a bunch.. and if that is the case I will update :)
Plans for NYE --- Eat a frozen pizza -- watch the ball drop -- wait to hear from my brother tomorrow to see if he gets into any trouble tonight ;)
Angel Chasse *again*
12/31/2005
12/20/2005
Moving...Busy..I hate moving!
12/20/05
We are moving *literally, I have almost nothing in this old apartment* to a different apartment that is in the house next door to this one. It has been gutted and redone, new walls, new floors, new paint, new bathtub and sink, the whole thing. It doesn't have a lot in the way of storage, but that is really it's only downfall.. Oh, and the computer will be in the living room, so that will be a little different but I will adjust :)
So anyway, I hate moving.. and so far all I have done is pack and unpack and clean... The boys (Sam and Jim) have been carting everything over. Its down the stairs here, across the lawn, and then up the new stairs.. not much fun... can you tell that I hate moving?
So, the internet and tv and all that is supposed to start up again tomorrow, so I will be back on track, but I think that by Friday, we should have most everything unpacked. A lot of stuff is going into a big makeshift closet or the garage, so there will be some that I don't even have to unpack :) LOL --- ok enough blathering on about this topic :)
Happy Holidays to all!!!!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
We are moving *literally, I have almost nothing in this old apartment* to a different apartment that is in the house next door to this one. It has been gutted and redone, new walls, new floors, new paint, new bathtub and sink, the whole thing. It doesn't have a lot in the way of storage, but that is really it's only downfall.. Oh, and the computer will be in the living room, so that will be a little different but I will adjust :)
So anyway, I hate moving.. and so far all I have done is pack and unpack and clean... The boys (Sam and Jim) have been carting everything over. Its down the stairs here, across the lawn, and then up the new stairs.. not much fun... can you tell that I hate moving?
So, the internet and tv and all that is supposed to start up again tomorrow, so I will be back on track, but I think that by Friday, we should have most everything unpacked. A lot of stuff is going into a big makeshift closet or the garage, so there will be some that I don't even have to unpack :) LOL --- ok enough blathering on about this topic :)
Happy Holidays to all!!!!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
11/30/2005
Snow Snow Snow
I have to say, I am a fan of winter, so I am happy that it is snowing.. but it's weird... I like the snow, I like to look at it, and I like to see it, but I don't like to drive in it. How does that work? LOL - Good thing Jim doesn't really mind it much.
The car that our friend Tim gave us is working great. I really think he should me moved to Saint for giving us that car :) He said it never started in the winter, and that remains to be seen, but so far, you just have to crank it over and give it a bit of gas *its fuel injected, so he probably didnt do that when he had it, you shouldn't have to* anyway, its been working out VERY well. Finally got rid of the van, and someone even gave us a couple dollars AND towed that baby away ;) woo hoo..
Making a big pot of chili tonight. We make it simply, and with beans :) But it will be just the right thing for the chilly night (punny) -- I see that Rosie's blog says that her Christmas store will be up and runnning soon. Maybe I can con Jim into buying me something from there :) - I remember a while ago she said that she had mousepads and shirts that said Go Blog Urself :) FUNNY..
I have been noticing that I use ... (elipses) a lot. But I only usually type two of the dots, and it is supposed to be three. I also noticed that I am losing some of my knowledge from HS and stuff. I know if you don't use it you lose it, but it has been shocking to me just how much I don't use it, and how much I am losing.. urgh.
I also read on the web ( I think, or maybe Jim told me) that people have their blogs published as books ;) LOL @ that. I don't think I will ever be doing that, but I know that Lu's blog would make a good book :)
I have been wondering though if there was an easier, one step way to print all the posts of your blog.. so far I dont think so. I guess you'd have to just go into each entry and print them. I would probably like to have a copy of mine, just to keep in a binder, and look back and read to see how I was, and how I am now.. LOL - that sounds funny.. reading back to see how you were :)
Angel Chasse (again)
The car that our friend Tim gave us is working great. I really think he should me moved to Saint for giving us that car :) He said it never started in the winter, and that remains to be seen, but so far, you just have to crank it over and give it a bit of gas *its fuel injected, so he probably didnt do that when he had it, you shouldn't have to* anyway, its been working out VERY well. Finally got rid of the van, and someone even gave us a couple dollars AND towed that baby away ;) woo hoo..
Making a big pot of chili tonight. We make it simply, and with beans :) But it will be just the right thing for the chilly night (punny) -- I see that Rosie's blog says that her Christmas store will be up and runnning soon. Maybe I can con Jim into buying me something from there :) - I remember a while ago she said that she had mousepads and shirts that said Go Blog Urself :) FUNNY..
I have been noticing that I use ... (elipses) a lot. But I only usually type two of the dots, and it is supposed to be three. I also noticed that I am losing some of my knowledge from HS and stuff. I know if you don't use it you lose it, but it has been shocking to me just how much I don't use it, and how much I am losing.. urgh.
I also read on the web ( I think, or maybe Jim told me) that people have their blogs published as books ;) LOL @ that. I don't think I will ever be doing that, but I know that Lu's blog would make a good book :)
I have been wondering though if there was an easier, one step way to print all the posts of your blog.. so far I dont think so. I guess you'd have to just go into each entry and print them. I would probably like to have a copy of mine, just to keep in a binder, and look back and read to see how I was, and how I am now.. LOL - that sounds funny.. reading back to see how you were :)
Angel Chasse (again)
11/27/2005
Must Blog More Often, Must Blog More Often
11/27/05 Sunday
Let's see :)
Had a happy thanksgiving. I hope that everyone I know did too.
Got to hold my 3 month old niece, and that makes me happy :)
Plus, got to see the relatives from my mom's side of the family, love that. We don't make it the two hours to visit them very often, so it is always nice when they come here :)
Went to wal-mart at like noon on Friday. Got in there, saw what a zoo it was , and we high tailed it back home.
I have a pain in my lower back, on the right side, and according to the dr its just a sore muscle. All my other tests were fine. I am glad it is nothing, but I wish this NOTHING would STOP hurting now. I know I have a low tolerance for pain, but geeeesh!!
Made up some Christmas cards :) - Realized doing that that I don't know very many addresses. There are a few people I will have to email for their address. No wonder I usually send Ecards... no work there, I have everyone's email ;) -- I guess I didn't mean it like it sounded. I love to personalize ecards, I just love that you dont need stamps, and don't need to know the physical address and write on the envelopes.. my handwriting is so horrible .... urgh
Simple as ever punch we made for thanksgiving. Just a half gallon of orange sherbet, and a 2 liter bottle of sprite. Very very tasty, and soooooo not hard ;)
I think I will make Rachael Ray's 5 minute fudge for Christmas!!!!
*I am so happy to see Rachael Ray on all these shows teaching people how to cook her way... I know there are some RR haters out there, but I am not one of them!!!!
Looks like they are saying that we are going to have some rain then frizzle, then snow. Last time we got all rian, and only enough snow to turn things white. So, we will see this time..
So this will be snow # 2 for this season :)
Ok, that is about enough rambling for now....
OH PS... Poll for any readers.
If you found a $20.00 bill on the ground, in a parking lot, would you pick it up and keep it, or do something else? Be honest ;)
PSS... we found 20 dollars on the ground in a parking lot, and we kept it... just so you know :)
Angel Chasse (again)
Let's see :)
Had a happy thanksgiving. I hope that everyone I know did too.
Got to hold my 3 month old niece, and that makes me happy :)
Plus, got to see the relatives from my mom's side of the family, love that. We don't make it the two hours to visit them very often, so it is always nice when they come here :)
Went to wal-mart at like noon on Friday. Got in there, saw what a zoo it was , and we high tailed it back home.
I have a pain in my lower back, on the right side, and according to the dr its just a sore muscle. All my other tests were fine. I am glad it is nothing, but I wish this NOTHING would STOP hurting now. I know I have a low tolerance for pain, but geeeesh!!
Made up some Christmas cards :) - Realized doing that that I don't know very many addresses. There are a few people I will have to email for their address. No wonder I usually send Ecards... no work there, I have everyone's email ;) -- I guess I didn't mean it like it sounded. I love to personalize ecards, I just love that you dont need stamps, and don't need to know the physical address and write on the envelopes.. my handwriting is so horrible .... urgh
Simple as ever punch we made for thanksgiving. Just a half gallon of orange sherbet, and a 2 liter bottle of sprite. Very very tasty, and soooooo not hard ;)
I think I will make Rachael Ray's 5 minute fudge for Christmas!!!!
*I am so happy to see Rachael Ray on all these shows teaching people how to cook her way... I know there are some RR haters out there, but I am not one of them!!!!
Looks like they are saying that we are going to have some rain then frizzle, then snow. Last time we got all rian, and only enough snow to turn things white. So, we will see this time..
So this will be snow # 2 for this season :)
Ok, that is about enough rambling for now....
OH PS... Poll for any readers.
If you found a $20.00 bill on the ground, in a parking lot, would you pick it up and keep it, or do something else? Be honest ;)
PSS... we found 20 dollars on the ground in a parking lot, and we kept it... just so you know :)
Angel Chasse (again)
11/19/2005
How does this happen???
11-19-05 Saturday
How does it happen that you ASPIRE to lyrics like this.. that you have not made it to this point yet, but you hope that you can GET to this point soon.... sad sad sad... we will only see in hidsight how this all works out, but for now, it seems sad to me that you can aspire to what these lyrics say, and not even be there yet.. but there I am ... here I am.. however that works.....
I'm Movin On - Performed by Rascal Flatts
Ive dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
Ive found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once Im at peace with myself
Ive been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
Im movin’ on
Ive lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but theyre always the same
They mean no harm but its time that I face it
Theyll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I dont belong
Im movin on
Im movin on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarentees, but Im not alone
There comes a time in everyones life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldnt
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
Ive loved like I should but lived like I shouldnt
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
Im movin on
Im movin on
Im movin on
Angel Chasse (again)
How does it happen that you ASPIRE to lyrics like this.. that you have not made it to this point yet, but you hope that you can GET to this point soon.... sad sad sad... we will only see in hidsight how this all works out, but for now, it seems sad to me that you can aspire to what these lyrics say, and not even be there yet.. but there I am ... here I am.. however that works.....
I'm Movin On - Performed by Rascal Flatts
Ive dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
Ive found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once Im at peace with myself
Ive been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
Im movin’ on
Ive lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but theyre always the same
They mean no harm but its time that I face it
Theyll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I dont belong
Im movin on
Im movin on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarentees, but Im not alone
There comes a time in everyones life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldnt
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
Ive loved like I should but lived like I shouldnt
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
Im movin on
Im movin on
Im movin on
Angel Chasse (again)
11/16/2005
First Snow
11/16/2005 Tuesday
Hey,
It snowed yesterday, all day. Flurries, and not much of it is actually on the ground, cuz the ground was warm, so it melted and now is a bit slick outside (so I have heard, I have not been out today) It's COLD outside though. When we got up this morning it was 50 degrees in our apartment.. We live in an apartment within a house, an old house, and the heater is the same heater for the whole house. One major room of our apt is storage, and kitty box, and computer and desk... well.. it's a 3 season porch... soooooo... we are supposed to not use it in the winter.. but if we don't, major space loss, and major having to put the kitty box in the bedroom *where we sleep ick* or in the kitchen *ick* or in the living room *ICK ICK* so anyway, I think that the plastic Sam and Jim put up will help some, but we still have to run a space heater in our "heat paid by landlord" apartment.. URGH - just when our electric bill was under control, no more A/C 24 hours a day... urgh... anyway, I am thankful we have a place to live, and that it is as warm as it is. I know many have less. I am also thankful for my husband, and my mom and dad and brother, and my friends... I don't have many of them (friends) but the ones that I do have are really great, and they mean a lot to me... and if anyone who happens to read this has any spare good vibes.. Jimbo could use them - he's finishing up his research paper and the professor made him narrow it down so much that he is less than thrilled... anyway.... First snow, first snow :):)
Angel Chasse (again)
Hey,
It snowed yesterday, all day. Flurries, and not much of it is actually on the ground, cuz the ground was warm, so it melted and now is a bit slick outside (so I have heard, I have not been out today) It's COLD outside though. When we got up this morning it was 50 degrees in our apartment.. We live in an apartment within a house, an old house, and the heater is the same heater for the whole house. One major room of our apt is storage, and kitty box, and computer and desk... well.. it's a 3 season porch... soooooo... we are supposed to not use it in the winter.. but if we don't, major space loss, and major having to put the kitty box in the bedroom *where we sleep ick* or in the kitchen *ick* or in the living room *ICK ICK* so anyway, I think that the plastic Sam and Jim put up will help some, but we still have to run a space heater in our "heat paid by landlord" apartment.. URGH - just when our electric bill was under control, no more A/C 24 hours a day... urgh... anyway, I am thankful we have a place to live, and that it is as warm as it is. I know many have less. I am also thankful for my husband, and my mom and dad and brother, and my friends... I don't have many of them (friends) but the ones that I do have are really great, and they mean a lot to me... and if anyone who happens to read this has any spare good vibes.. Jimbo could use them - he's finishing up his research paper and the professor made him narrow it down so much that he is less than thrilled... anyway.... First snow, first snow :):)
Angel Chasse (again)
11/11/2005
Happy Veteran's Day
11/11/2005
To those who have served, and even to those that will serve in the future.
I owe you a huge debt. You keep me safe, you keep me comfortable in my little apartment in middle America. You lift the burden off of all of our shoulders.
I respect all who have served more than you can imagine. You go and do what I can't, what I won't, and what I don't want to do.... Thank you doesn't begin to say it... But, Thank you...
Now, there is a Garth Brooks boxed set coming out soon, at www.walmart.com and one of the songs that will be on the "lost sessions" CD is this one......
Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream
Words and music by Ed McCurdy
Last night I had the strangest dream
I'd ever dreamed before
I dreamed the world had all agreed
To put an end to war
I dreamed I saw a mighty room
Filled with women and men
And the paper they were signing said
They'd never fight again
And when the paper was all signed
And a million copies made
They all joined hands and bowed their heads
And grateful prayers were prayed
And the people in the streets below
Were dancing 'round and 'round
While swords and guns and uniforms
Were scattered on the ground
Last night I had the strangest dream
I'd never dreamed before
I dreamed the world had all agreed
To put an end to war.
I love the soldiers, and hate this war... Call me a contradiction
Angel Chasse (again)
To those who have served, and even to those that will serve in the future.
I owe you a huge debt. You keep me safe, you keep me comfortable in my little apartment in middle America. You lift the burden off of all of our shoulders.
I respect all who have served more than you can imagine. You go and do what I can't, what I won't, and what I don't want to do.... Thank you doesn't begin to say it... But, Thank you...
Now, there is a Garth Brooks boxed set coming out soon, at www.walmart.com and one of the songs that will be on the "lost sessions" CD is this one......
Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream
Words and music by Ed McCurdy
Last night I had the strangest dream
I'd ever dreamed before
I dreamed the world had all agreed
To put an end to war
I dreamed I saw a mighty room
Filled with women and men
And the paper they were signing said
They'd never fight again
And when the paper was all signed
And a million copies made
They all joined hands and bowed their heads
And grateful prayers were prayed
And the people in the streets below
Were dancing 'round and 'round
While swords and guns and uniforms
Were scattered on the ground
Last night I had the strangest dream
I'd never dreamed before
I dreamed the world had all agreed
To put an end to war.
I love the soldiers, and hate this war... Call me a contradiction
Angel Chasse (again)
11/10/2005
Blog Blog Blog
I think I have had this blog since April... strange that I would keep it going for this long, most of my paper journals have 1 or 2 pages in them, and then nothing... I am not sure that it is helping though, I am still the same old same old confused, lazy, grouchy me... I don't want to stop really though, cuz I feel like I still want to say some stuff. I just don't know what.
Oh, I do have one thing that bothers me... and though this is not INTENDED to offend, I am sure there are a few people that read this that will feel that way..
Why is it that people who belong to a certain religion feel the need to aproach people? I mean.. logically, I understand it... they are supposed to witness their faith to others. But man, it is SOOOOOOO annoying. For others, maybe not so much, but me? I really don't want to meet any new people for ANY reason, much less for them to be overbearing and bitchy, and not lay off, and try to get me to join their way of thinking about things... urgh, that really sucks to me.
Let's see, what else have I been doing? NOTHING :)
Nah, Jim is about to start actually writing his research paper, so he has been studying, as well as helping our landlord with handyman stuff. I joined a book club to get some books for people for Christmas, and I am looking for a poster print from "The Color of Money" for my dad to put on his wall in the basement, by where his pool table will be. Got Mom some books and some lotion, got my niece some Baby Einstein DVD's - Gift card for my brother and my sister probably.. they are hard to buy for, and I hate it when people hate their gifts. Got Jim a couple of books, and got me 2 Rachael Ray cookbooks, including the new one :) WOO HOO
I have gotten to see my brother a lot more often, because he comes over every night for supper for the last 2 weeks. How much is too much? That is yet to be seen I guess :) -- He has court on the 15th, and might have to go to jail for 45 days, cuz of some unpaid fines.. 100% his fault, but still sucky if he has to be gone, especially over the holidays. I just hope that if he does have to go, that it is here in town, so at least I could visit if I want. So, seeing him a lot, and being annoyed by him, but happy to see him .. I wonder if he just comes over for the food?? LOL LOL
Been reading Rosie's Blog.. entertaining, and political, and fun.
Been reading Lu's Blog, funny, well written, introspective, love it!
Been reading Cindy's Blog, there is something going on there.. but I don't know what
Ok, rambling...
Angel Chasse (again)
Oh, I do have one thing that bothers me... and though this is not INTENDED to offend, I am sure there are a few people that read this that will feel that way..
Why is it that people who belong to a certain religion feel the need to aproach people? I mean.. logically, I understand it... they are supposed to witness their faith to others. But man, it is SOOOOOOO annoying. For others, maybe not so much, but me? I really don't want to meet any new people for ANY reason, much less for them to be overbearing and bitchy, and not lay off, and try to get me to join their way of thinking about things... urgh, that really sucks to me.
Let's see, what else have I been doing? NOTHING :)
Nah, Jim is about to start actually writing his research paper, so he has been studying, as well as helping our landlord with handyman stuff. I joined a book club to get some books for people for Christmas, and I am looking for a poster print from "The Color of Money" for my dad to put on his wall in the basement, by where his pool table will be. Got Mom some books and some lotion, got my niece some Baby Einstein DVD's - Gift card for my brother and my sister probably.. they are hard to buy for, and I hate it when people hate their gifts. Got Jim a couple of books, and got me 2 Rachael Ray cookbooks, including the new one :) WOO HOO
I have gotten to see my brother a lot more often, because he comes over every night for supper for the last 2 weeks. How much is too much? That is yet to be seen I guess :) -- He has court on the 15th, and might have to go to jail for 45 days, cuz of some unpaid fines.. 100% his fault, but still sucky if he has to be gone, especially over the holidays. I just hope that if he does have to go, that it is here in town, so at least I could visit if I want. So, seeing him a lot, and being annoyed by him, but happy to see him .. I wonder if he just comes over for the food?? LOL LOL
Been reading Rosie's Blog.. entertaining, and political, and fun.
Been reading Lu's Blog, funny, well written, introspective, love it!
Been reading Cindy's Blog, there is something going on there.. but I don't know what
Ok, rambling...
Angel Chasse (again)
11/04/2005
Happy Birthday Jimbo!!!!
11/4/05 Friday
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
Happy Birthday Jim!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow is Jim's birthday!
I love you, Happy Birthday..
I hope that this coming year is more prosperous and happy than all of the ones that came before it combined!! You deserve it! I love YOU!!!!
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
Happy Birthday Jim!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow is Jim's birthday!
I love you, Happy Birthday..
I hope that this coming year is more prosperous and happy than all of the ones that came before it combined!! You deserve it! I love YOU!!!!
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
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10/22/2005
To Sarah...
10/22/05 Saturday
The people that I used to see all the time when I was in the hospital a time ago, always said that if something is really bothering you, and you can't put it out of your mind, and you don't think that you can say anything to those people, that you should write them a letter, and tell them what you wish you could say to them.. Hopefully, they are right, and I will feel better after writing this... here goes...
To Sarah,
I know that you and I were not born sisters, and I understand that our lives and the things we do in our lives are very different. I know that you have the choice to hang out with me, and to have me as part of your life, and you have the choice not to. I realize I am not the most stable person in the world, and I can imagine that some of the things that you know about me make you not want to be near me.
I also understand that when I needed my friends and family, back in 2000, and I told you and the rest of the people in my life how I felt like I had never measured up to their expectations, and I never really felt that anyone spent time with me because they wanted to, only because they felt obligated to, you told me that you didn't see it that way, and you wouldn't ever do that. We became (I thought) a lot closer, and had many long talks, and many coffees, and many bitch sessions with one another. Like sisters did, I thought. You came to my aid, and even took me to visit our parents when you knew it would help me feel happy. You never asked me for money to go, and never let me feel guilty that you took care of me on those trips, my self, and my soul. We talked and talked, and got closer and closer (I thought). I tried my best to listen to you, and give you any advice I had to give, good or bad I don't know. I really started to feel like you wanted me around, and to be a part of your life. It felt good. Really good. Jim always commented on how I was so talkative and in good spirits when I got home after a trip that we had taken. I really loved spending that time, just you and I.
When you told the family that you were pregnant, at Thanksgiving last year, I was SO happy for you, so happy for Larry and You. I was ecstatic. I knew you were scared, but I knew that you would give this baby 110% of your love. There would be tough times, but you would do great, and when you had questions, I assumed that your mom would be there with bells on, ready to help you take on this new role as an expert. I was scared for you too, because I knew that you were scared, and that couldn't feel good. But in the end, I knew that you were capable, and you would get things done. We even joked one time that your only job, was to "make sure you don't kill the kid" - Joking of course..
I was so excited to be going with Mom and Steve to Sioux Falls when you were in labor. I never thought I would actually be in the room with you all that time, and get to witness the birth of Peyton. It was life changing for me. You dealt with the pain, and the sickness, and all the people and the pressure so well. My hero at that moment :)
I knew that you would be overwhelmed, and overworked, and sleep deprived when Peyton was born. I knew that I would not be a priority with you, and I never expected to be one. I knew that your attentions needed to be on yourself, and Larry and Peyton. You are a family, and you need to take care of them #1. I didn't expect though, that Jim and I moving here to Sioux City in May would have such an impact on you. I knew that you said you wanted me to babysit, but really, I didn't figure that you would have us babysit that often. You have your mom, and some of Larry's family that you trusted, and I figured that you would only use us as a "last resort" babysitter. I didn't figure that our little apartment there would be a place you would want Peyton to sepnd that much time at. I guess I am starting to think that I was wrong on those things. I want to believe that you are just too busy to return my calls. I want to believe that you want to talk to me, but you just don't have the time. I want to believe that when I called you and let you know we were in town, and would love to have seen you, that you were out of town, or didnt get my messages, or something. I really want to believe these things because it really hurts to think that right now you are upset at me for moving, and not being there for you and peyton, and that your punishment for those things that I have done is to just completely stop talking to me, unless I am with Mom or Steve, or I suppose at holidays when you happen to be at their house. I want to think that you love me like a sister, and that you understand that our moving here was for the good of our family, Me and Jim, and it was something that we needed to do. I want to believe that you know that I wouldn't choose to abandon on a whim, and that I would help you any way that I could, even from 85 miles away. I want to think that you will start calling just to talk once you have more time. I want to think that you are not upset and punishing me for not being there for you.. I guess time will tell how this story plays out..
Either:
A> I am paranoid, and things with us were always fine.. no big deal, just me freaking
B> You are mad, and you will continue to be, for who knows how long, and I will miss this time with you, and this time of Peyton growing up, except of course when you are here to visit your dad, and want to keep peace, so you will be nice to me
Either way, I guess I just wanted you to know that I love you, and that I miss you, and that if I have upset you, it was not intentional. I love Peyton too, and I really hope to be a part of her life and of yours.
Love,
Angel
The people that I used to see all the time when I was in the hospital a time ago, always said that if something is really bothering you, and you can't put it out of your mind, and you don't think that you can say anything to those people, that you should write them a letter, and tell them what you wish you could say to them.. Hopefully, they are right, and I will feel better after writing this... here goes...
To Sarah,
I know that you and I were not born sisters, and I understand that our lives and the things we do in our lives are very different. I know that you have the choice to hang out with me, and to have me as part of your life, and you have the choice not to. I realize I am not the most stable person in the world, and I can imagine that some of the things that you know about me make you not want to be near me.
I also understand that when I needed my friends and family, back in 2000, and I told you and the rest of the people in my life how I felt like I had never measured up to their expectations, and I never really felt that anyone spent time with me because they wanted to, only because they felt obligated to, you told me that you didn't see it that way, and you wouldn't ever do that. We became (I thought) a lot closer, and had many long talks, and many coffees, and many bitch sessions with one another. Like sisters did, I thought. You came to my aid, and even took me to visit our parents when you knew it would help me feel happy. You never asked me for money to go, and never let me feel guilty that you took care of me on those trips, my self, and my soul. We talked and talked, and got closer and closer (I thought). I tried my best to listen to you, and give you any advice I had to give, good or bad I don't know. I really started to feel like you wanted me around, and to be a part of your life. It felt good. Really good. Jim always commented on how I was so talkative and in good spirits when I got home after a trip that we had taken. I really loved spending that time, just you and I.
When you told the family that you were pregnant, at Thanksgiving last year, I was SO happy for you, so happy for Larry and You. I was ecstatic. I knew you were scared, but I knew that you would give this baby 110% of your love. There would be tough times, but you would do great, and when you had questions, I assumed that your mom would be there with bells on, ready to help you take on this new role as an expert. I was scared for you too, because I knew that you were scared, and that couldn't feel good. But in the end, I knew that you were capable, and you would get things done. We even joked one time that your only job, was to "make sure you don't kill the kid" - Joking of course..
I was so excited to be going with Mom and Steve to Sioux Falls when you were in labor. I never thought I would actually be in the room with you all that time, and get to witness the birth of Peyton. It was life changing for me. You dealt with the pain, and the sickness, and all the people and the pressure so well. My hero at that moment :)
I knew that you would be overwhelmed, and overworked, and sleep deprived when Peyton was born. I knew that I would not be a priority with you, and I never expected to be one. I knew that your attentions needed to be on yourself, and Larry and Peyton. You are a family, and you need to take care of them #1. I didn't expect though, that Jim and I moving here to Sioux City in May would have such an impact on you. I knew that you said you wanted me to babysit, but really, I didn't figure that you would have us babysit that often. You have your mom, and some of Larry's family that you trusted, and I figured that you would only use us as a "last resort" babysitter. I didn't figure that our little apartment there would be a place you would want Peyton to sepnd that much time at. I guess I am starting to think that I was wrong on those things. I want to believe that you are just too busy to return my calls. I want to believe that you want to talk to me, but you just don't have the time. I want to believe that when I called you and let you know we were in town, and would love to have seen you, that you were out of town, or didnt get my messages, or something. I really want to believe these things because it really hurts to think that right now you are upset at me for moving, and not being there for you and peyton, and that your punishment for those things that I have done is to just completely stop talking to me, unless I am with Mom or Steve, or I suppose at holidays when you happen to be at their house. I want to think that you love me like a sister, and that you understand that our moving here was for the good of our family, Me and Jim, and it was something that we needed to do. I want to believe that you know that I wouldn't choose to abandon on a whim, and that I would help you any way that I could, even from 85 miles away. I want to think that you will start calling just to talk once you have more time. I want to think that you are not upset and punishing me for not being there for you.. I guess time will tell how this story plays out..
Either:
A> I am paranoid, and things with us were always fine.. no big deal, just me freaking
B> You are mad, and you will continue to be, for who knows how long, and I will miss this time with you, and this time of Peyton growing up, except of course when you are here to visit your dad, and want to keep peace, so you will be nice to me
Either way, I guess I just wanted you to know that I love you, and that I miss you, and that if I have upset you, it was not intentional. I love Peyton too, and I really hope to be a part of her life and of yours.
Love,
Angel
10/18/2005
Nightly News.. Katrina
Wow!
I was just watching the nightly news, and there was a lady (Ms. Marcus) on who was starting demolition of her flooded home. Very sad, very sad.. Then my jaw dropped because of what she had to say next..
“Had someone stayed there and manned the pumps,” says Marcus, “you would not be looking at my house like this, and that's what hurts.”
Here is what I do not understand. I am very saddened that this woman and her family lost their home to the flood. It is tragic, and I can not even START to say that I know how she feels, and I can not tell her how she should feel.
BUT....
Basically, if I am understanding this correctly... she believes that the HUMAN BEINGS that were in charge of the pumping stations should have stayed at their posts and died so that her home would not have been flooded out? -- Now, I really do understand that she may be angry, and frustrated, and just needing someone to blame for this.. a name or face to blame this on..
HOWEVER...
Does a tragedy like Katrina give people the right to say that people should have been expected to possibly DIE protecting their property for them??
I will post the link to this article (I watched it on tv, but this is word for word the same) -- And, anyone reading this... if you think I am misunderstanding this, be sure to correct me, but, oh man, I can not seem to see it any other way than to see that people brought a class action lawsuit against their parish for allowing pump operators to evacuate the night before the storm hit......
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9743893/
SAD....
Angel Chasse (again)
I was just watching the nightly news, and there was a lady (Ms. Marcus) on who was starting demolition of her flooded home. Very sad, very sad.. Then my jaw dropped because of what she had to say next..
“Had someone stayed there and manned the pumps,” says Marcus, “you would not be looking at my house like this, and that's what hurts.”
Here is what I do not understand. I am very saddened that this woman and her family lost their home to the flood. It is tragic, and I can not even START to say that I know how she feels, and I can not tell her how she should feel.
BUT....
Basically, if I am understanding this correctly... she believes that the HUMAN BEINGS that were in charge of the pumping stations should have stayed at their posts and died so that her home would not have been flooded out? -- Now, I really do understand that she may be angry, and frustrated, and just needing someone to blame for this.. a name or face to blame this on..
HOWEVER...
Does a tragedy like Katrina give people the right to say that people should have been expected to possibly DIE protecting their property for them??
I will post the link to this article (I watched it on tv, but this is word for word the same) -- And, anyone reading this... if you think I am misunderstanding this, be sure to correct me, but, oh man, I can not seem to see it any other way than to see that people brought a class action lawsuit against their parish for allowing pump operators to evacuate the night before the storm hit......
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9743893/
SAD....
Angel Chasse (again)
10/10/2005
A little hope in South Dakota
I used to live in Sioux Falls SD, and still read their local news website daily at
www.keloland.com
Tonight when I pulled it up, I found this article. I know that I get a lot of "feel good" messages in email, and sometimes I look them up on sites like www.snopes.com and they are not true at all, or only parts of them are true.
With the below story, I am fairly certain it is true, as it is from KELO TV, and not from the 122,222,444,444 th person to forward it to me on the web..
A little light in a sometimes too dark world for me...
Here is the link to the article: ( I found out it is breaking copyright laws to post it in it's entirety at my blog ;) I want to post it here so I can remember it for a while to come :
http://www.keloland.com/News/NewsDetail5440.cfm?ID=0,43121
Enjoy.. more from me later :)
Angel Chasse (again)
www.keloland.com
Tonight when I pulled it up, I found this article. I know that I get a lot of "feel good" messages in email, and sometimes I look them up on sites like www.snopes.com and they are not true at all, or only parts of them are true.
With the below story, I am fairly certain it is true, as it is from KELO TV, and not from the 122,222,444,444 th person to forward it to me on the web..
A little light in a sometimes too dark world for me...
Here is the link to the article: ( I found out it is breaking copyright laws to post it in it's entirety at my blog ;) I want to post it here so I can remember it for a while to come :
http://www.keloland.com/News/NewsDetail5440.cfm?ID=0,43121
Enjoy.. more from me later :)
Angel Chasse (again)
10/07/2005
It's Been Awhile...
So,
I was just looking back and it has been a long while since I blogged.
I am still here, and still kickin :)
Not a lot going on. Jim has his classes, and we have wacky (read: ANNOYING) upstairs neighbors now. Hopefully they won't be there much longer, but when it starts to wake me up at night (the noise that they make) - then I get mad.
I entered to contests. One was on Rosie's Blog, to win tickets to see her in Fiddler On The Roof on Broadway, and the other one was to see Emeril at a taping of his show.. LOL - that makes me think I am celebrity obsessed. Really, I don't feel like I am, but I do love Rosie, and Emeril, and Rachael Ray.. among others. They seem to me to be "real" - they are famous, and known, but they still remain as normal as you can be with that kind of fame.
I got a cd from the HAM radio operator that spent a week with us in Pearl River, and it had some good pictures on it. I will have to post them to my Flickr account, so that other people can see them.
Is it bad that now when I see those "heartwarming" emails that everyone sends as chain mail... When I see those now, I immediately want to go to www.snopes.com or another such site and find out if the stories are for real, and of course about 99% of them that I have looked up are not real at all. URGH.. no need to make up heartwarming stories and send them on. Tell a REAL story of something that you did, or saw happen, and pass that along.. and for HEAVEN'S SAKES, don't put "your luck will change at 11:11 pm when your phone rings with good news, but only if you foward this on to about 100000000 people that already have enough spam" -URGH
Anyway. I also have a 6week picture of my niece Peyton, and I will scan that this weekend and post it on flickr as well.
I just noticed that I have not even been reading people's blogs daily like I was. Jim is at home more, and when he is home, I don't always want to spend much time on the net. So, I am sure as the colder weather sets in, I will be back to my net loving self, but for right now, hanging out with Jimbo and going places and doing stuff is fun :)
OH and a huge PS..
Once a klutz, always a klutz.. I am TWENTY-SEVEN years old, and I FELL DOWN the other day. We have some cement stairs that lead from our house, like 3 stairs, then a small landing, then 3 more.. well, I turned around to admire the neigbor's baby, and just stepped off the stair, and plop fell right on the concrete. My leg is sore, but other than that just my pride was hurt :)
So anway.. I never thought I would fall down at the age of 27. I feel so dumb. I thought that I did a much better job of paying attention, but I guess on that day, the baby got the best of me :)
Angel Chasse (again)
I was just looking back and it has been a long while since I blogged.
I am still here, and still kickin :)
Not a lot going on. Jim has his classes, and we have wacky (read: ANNOYING) upstairs neighbors now. Hopefully they won't be there much longer, but when it starts to wake me up at night (the noise that they make) - then I get mad.
I entered to contests. One was on Rosie's Blog, to win tickets to see her in Fiddler On The Roof on Broadway, and the other one was to see Emeril at a taping of his show.. LOL - that makes me think I am celebrity obsessed. Really, I don't feel like I am, but I do love Rosie, and Emeril, and Rachael Ray.. among others. They seem to me to be "real" - they are famous, and known, but they still remain as normal as you can be with that kind of fame.
I got a cd from the HAM radio operator that spent a week with us in Pearl River, and it had some good pictures on it. I will have to post them to my Flickr account, so that other people can see them.
Is it bad that now when I see those "heartwarming" emails that everyone sends as chain mail... When I see those now, I immediately want to go to www.snopes.com or another such site and find out if the stories are for real, and of course about 99% of them that I have looked up are not real at all. URGH.. no need to make up heartwarming stories and send them on. Tell a REAL story of something that you did, or saw happen, and pass that along.. and for HEAVEN'S SAKES, don't put "your luck will change at 11:11 pm when your phone rings with good news, but only if you foward this on to about 100000000 people that already have enough spam" -URGH
Anyway. I also have a 6week picture of my niece Peyton, and I will scan that this weekend and post it on flickr as well.
I just noticed that I have not even been reading people's blogs daily like I was. Jim is at home more, and when he is home, I don't always want to spend much time on the net. So, I am sure as the colder weather sets in, I will be back to my net loving self, but for right now, hanging out with Jimbo and going places and doing stuff is fun :)
OH and a huge PS..
Once a klutz, always a klutz.. I am TWENTY-SEVEN years old, and I FELL DOWN the other day. We have some cement stairs that lead from our house, like 3 stairs, then a small landing, then 3 more.. well, I turned around to admire the neigbor's baby, and just stepped off the stair, and plop fell right on the concrete. My leg is sore, but other than that just my pride was hurt :)
So anway.. I never thought I would fall down at the age of 27. I feel so dumb. I thought that I did a much better job of paying attention, but I guess on that day, the baby got the best of me :)
Angel Chasse (again)
9/26/2005
Algebra Algebra
I don't have a lot to say, but I did want to gloat a bit for myself. I did algebra problems along with Jim last night, and got a lot of them right. Now, its elementary algebra, but for me, I am pretty impressed, cuz the last time I did algebra was probably in 1996. I am not a fan of math, simply because it does not come naturally to me, and I have to be taught every single little part of a problem to be able to work it. Not a self motivator on math.. nope.. but anyway, heres is a sample of a problem that we did yesterday..
.7(3x+6)=1.1-(x+2)
Fun stuff.. and Jim writes small, and still had to hand in 5 pages to do probs 1-91 odd showing all work :) He is not a big fan of showing his work :)
In other news, Jim is discovering that he doesn't like math, and to finish a bach of science in computer science you need a TON of math.. so.. he might rethink the bach of arts route instead. It seems that he thinks somehow that changing his path now is a failure on his part... I am trying to get him to see that it isn't.... TONS of people declare a major and change it once, sometimes even more times than that, before they get their final degree. I think that he wants to teach computers, and I think that he will be great at that, but he also might have wanted to work at NASA, and I think you need the bach of science to be considered there. We will see how it all turns out, but I really have to say, I am so proud of my husband, he is wise, and smart, and he WILL finish college, even if some days it seems like he might not finish a class.. It's just that overwhelming feeling of learning so many new things all at the same time.... He IS smart, and he CAN do this... He just needs to know that for sure :):) like I do :)
Angel Chasse (again)
.7(3x+6)=1.1-(x+2)
Fun stuff.. and Jim writes small, and still had to hand in 5 pages to do probs 1-91 odd showing all work :) He is not a big fan of showing his work :)
In other news, Jim is discovering that he doesn't like math, and to finish a bach of science in computer science you need a TON of math.. so.. he might rethink the bach of arts route instead. It seems that he thinks somehow that changing his path now is a failure on his part... I am trying to get him to see that it isn't.... TONS of people declare a major and change it once, sometimes even more times than that, before they get their final degree. I think that he wants to teach computers, and I think that he will be great at that, but he also might have wanted to work at NASA, and I think you need the bach of science to be considered there. We will see how it all turns out, but I really have to say, I am so proud of my husband, he is wise, and smart, and he WILL finish college, even if some days it seems like he might not finish a class.. It's just that overwhelming feeling of learning so many new things all at the same time.... He IS smart, and he CAN do this... He just needs to know that for sure :):) like I do :)
Angel Chasse (again)
9/22/2005
Political Test I Took
I am not advocating this test, I just did it for fun, and this is how mine came out. You are a
Social Liberal (60% permissive) and an...
Economic Liberal (38% permissive)You are best described as a:
Centrist This was at http://www.okcupid.com/politics - See, I have nothing better to do right now :) At least I am not as unlucky as Jim... he is doing algebra homework :(
Social Liberal (60% permissive)
Economic Liberal (38% permissive)You are best described as a:
Centrist
Rita...and Misc.
Man, I can't seem to wrap my head around this 2nd cat 5 hurricane headed towards (they think) Galveston TX. Holy cow! Seems like to me, that sometimes, enough is ENOUGH.. but, hopefully with the devastation of Katrina, there were lessons learned, and things will be swifter this time, and people that need to get out of harm's way will do so. How does that saying go.. "those that do not learn from history are destined to repeat it" - I hope that is not the case here. Jimbo has finished his proposal for his research paper. Now to get that idea approved, and get to the researching and writing part :) - He is planning on writing about the importance of continued missions to Mars, to delve into the future, as well as the past. -- well, he writes it much more elegantly than that, but that is the jist of it :)
On a side note, this stomach-ache can go AWAY now, and stay far far away.
Another side note, www.give.org shows a listing of many charities, and where there dollars go. A few people I have run into said that the American Red Cross loses a lot of the dollars that you and I donate, to administrative costs. It looks to be about 5.4% from this site's info.. just wanted to share that, thought I am not saying I am an expert on it.
PS
I am addicted to TV (not a new thing) but now we have a DVR - so we can tape shows and fast forward through commercials, and etc... so I have quite the list of things recording..
ER
House
Two and a half men
King of Queens
Anything Rachael Ray and lots of food network.. shocker there :)
How its made on the Science channel
7th Heaven
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart
Desparate Housewives
Sex and the city on WGN Channel (where did the extra 8 minutes of show go??)
I am sure there are more, but that is all I can think of for now :) That's bad :)
Angel Chasse (again)
www.jimandangel.com
On a side note, this stomach-ache can go AWAY now, and stay far far away.
Another side note, www.give.org shows a listing of many charities, and where there dollars go. A few people I have run into said that the American Red Cross loses a lot of the dollars that you and I donate, to administrative costs. It looks to be about 5.4% from this site's info.. just wanted to share that, thought I am not saying I am an expert on it.
PS
I am addicted to TV (not a new thing) but now we have a DVR - so we can tape shows and fast forward through commercials, and etc... so I have quite the list of things recording..
ER
House
Two and a half men
King of Queens
Anything Rachael Ray and lots of food network.. shocker there :)
How its made on the Science channel
7th Heaven
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart
Desparate Housewives
Sex and the city on WGN Channel (where did the extra 8 minutes of show go??)
I am sure there are more, but that is all I can think of for now :) That's bad :)
Angel Chasse (again)
www.jimandangel.com
9/15/2005
What I did in Louisiana
The day to day of what I did while working at my shelter…
I had intended to stay for 3 weeks, but I got salmonella poisoning, and came home early. When I am feeling a bit better, I will volunteer with my local Red Cross chapter, and will certainly go back the coast if they need me there once I am 100% here is what a typical day was kind of like…
610 am wake up get ready
630 am head to home-ec room/kitchen and help prepare breakfast I usually just opened cans, or stirred stuff or washed dishes and cleaned… there were 2 ladies that were residents of the shelter that kind of took the lead on what to cook for breakfast… lots of pancakes, grits, eggs, biscuits stuff like that, and tons of little cans of fruit cocktail and assorted other stuff that needed to be opened up - I was good at that.. In the home-ec room there were two huge center islands, and 4 stoves, a little bigger than a usual home stove but not industrial by any means we used the tools and pans and containers that the school had there for us so we would cook everything up, and then sit it on the center island and make an assembly line to scoop the food into the Styrofoam containers that we had.. (I am informed they are called clamshells – and some couldn’t remember that name and called them oyster shells) - so we would let people start in line about 8am and be done serving by 9-915 – then I helped with cleanup and washed all tables and chairs down, put the chairs up on top of the tables and vacuumed… there were always things to do in the kitchen… take out the 10 garbage cans, or fill the big tub with more ice and bottled water… or mop, or wipe stuff down, there were a ton of things to do in the kitchen…
930 we had a brief staff meeting. I was technically in charge of events and happenings, and news, and helping in kitchen and planning and doing activities with the little kids each night… Anyone who knows me, knows I loved that part (
So about 10 I would meet with Joe, the shelter manager, and we would go over any news that he wanted me to write out on papers and post at all major doors, or stuff that just needed to go on our updates bulletin board… by the time I got all those signs made up and dispersed, it was usually time go to the back of the school area and get bags of ice to restock the kitchen and front office, or various errands and then on to helping with lunch at 1130 – lunch and supper were hot meals cooked for us by the volunteers of the Southern Baptist Convention churches… They had volunteers much like the Red Cross does, and would cook all day… that food was put into big red containers, called Cambros, that kept hot food hot, and cold food cold, losing only one degree per hour if they were not opened… So the ERV (emergency response vehicle) would deliver us that food, and also supplies that they knew we needed and could get their hands on for us like cups and clamshells, and misc. snacks etc… after serving lunch, we again cleaned up so at about 2pm I usually went up to the front desk to see if they needed any help with room counts.. every day (or nearly every day, depending) we would knock on all the residents doors and ask who was all still there in that room, and make an accurate count, so we would know who had gone, and who all remained… it was a nice time to get to check on everyone and see how they were doing, and if they needed anything (that we could provide) they all needed things we couldn’t even begin to help with.
From about 4-530 I just ran errands and helped anyone who was doing something, there was always plenty to do, and I tried to plan something to do with the kids that evening
Again, 530 prepare for dinner, 730 done with cleanup from that … 730to 9 was fun time for the kids, and we did coloring contests, and had story time, and watched a movie, always with a snack involved… Sometimes this part was hard, because I was the only staff assigned to entertain 20-25 kids, from way too young (like 2 and in diapers) to old, like 15… so sometimes the kids got a bit out of hand, but they knew the rules - you don’t listen, you get sent back to your room - no snack -- I had a few little stuffed animals that Joe the shelter manager had scrounged up too, so I could give those out as top prize for the night, who behaved best that night etc… after the kids got their snack and headed back to their rooms, I just cleaned up the area we used, and then headed for bed, usually by 930-10 and for my baby-wipe shower, and for my cell phone to call home and see how the family was…. We girls had our own classroom that we slept in, and usually we would swap stories of our day, and a few tears over things that had been said, or witnessed, or just over a long, rough day.
Our Staff at Pearl River High School Red Cross Shelter
Joe – Shelter Manager (In Charge) Went out into town to get supplies from Wal-Mart, oversaw all of us other Red Crossers and volunteers, and I would assume made any and all contact with the Red Cross headquarters
Bob- 1st time disaster volunteer, handled front desk and housing (assigning rooms etc) He was also the ice hauler, the overflowing sink/toilet fixer, the all around helpful guy if you needed anything done that took two people, he would always come to your rescue
Pam- Canadian Red Cross Volunteer, Experienced… Front desk, in charge of list of residents and checking in and out and various questions/concerns
Sandy – Canadian Red Cross Volunteer, Experienced - Headed the kitchen ordering and supplies, and oversaw menus etc…
Sharon – Nurse (RN) – experienced volunteer – took care of sick (as best we could) oversaw the special needs people in the shelter library, and coordinated when the doctors came to see residents – also helped us with whatever was needed when she was not busy
Angel – 1st time disaster volunteer - did whatever was asked of me, helped with all 3 meals, in charge of signs that went up giving info on showers and news and FEMA and various other happenings… ran children’s programs at night
We had 3 other people with us, that were running the shelter with Joe before Bob, Pam, Sandy and I arrived. They were from Ohio I think, and they were Ralph, Fred, and Carl (Carl was the manager)
They have a term at the Red Cross LDV Local Disaster Volunteers …usually people residing in the shelter that agree and want to help with meals or cleaning or whatever they would like to do… we had some great ones!!! A couple of guys usually volunteered to take out all the garbage after mealtime, and some helped us serve meals if we were spread too thin, 2 ladies in particular helped cook breakfast every morning, it was great since they knew what the people of LA would want to eat, and they could tell us Yankees how to make it … they were wonderful!!!!
For a short time, we also had Victor. He is a HAM radio operator and drove from Texas (I think) to help us get communication with headquarters… sometimes he could get right through, and sometimes he had to relay messages through someone in Slidell, a neighboring town, and get them to Covington or Baton Rouge that way. He was a very nice guy, and even offered to let us hear the radio news, or TV news at ten when he got it to come in Only bad thing was we were all so tired, that we just opted to go to bed instead. He is a very smart guy, with a lot of contacts it seems I don’t really think he got the respect he deserved in our staff meetings, but I think he was great. Our link to the outside world
I don’t think I am really ready to figure out what I want to say about how it was down there, as far as the residents we talked with and met and lived with, or the stories we heard, there is good and bad, and I don’t think I can get out what I want to say fully.
One thing was, even though we KNEW that the people were upset with the Red Cross being so slow in their efforts of help, not many of those residents ever had a bad thing to say to us. I know they talked on their own, but when we were serving dinner, or walking by, or offering them help in any way, they were for the most part all very, very thankful that we were there, and of the things we COULD do for them up to that point. It felt very weird hearing them say thank you, when they had things much worse than we did. They were still grateful.
I will write more about the people and how they were coping and that type of thing, but right now, I am still not feeling 100% and, I don’t know for sure what stories to share, so I will think a bit more on that and post it when I think I have a good plan
I had intended to stay for 3 weeks, but I got salmonella poisoning, and came home early. When I am feeling a bit better, I will volunteer with my local Red Cross chapter, and will certainly go back the coast if they need me there once I am 100% here is what a typical day was kind of like…
610 am wake up get ready
630 am head to home-ec room/kitchen and help prepare breakfast I usually just opened cans, or stirred stuff or washed dishes and cleaned… there were 2 ladies that were residents of the shelter that kind of took the lead on what to cook for breakfast… lots of pancakes, grits, eggs, biscuits stuff like that, and tons of little cans of fruit cocktail and assorted other stuff that needed to be opened up - I was good at that.. In the home-ec room there were two huge center islands, and 4 stoves, a little bigger than a usual home stove but not industrial by any means we used the tools and pans and containers that the school had there for us so we would cook everything up, and then sit it on the center island and make an assembly line to scoop the food into the Styrofoam containers that we had.. (I am informed they are called clamshells – and some couldn’t remember that name and called them oyster shells) - so we would let people start in line about 8am and be done serving by 9-915 – then I helped with cleanup and washed all tables and chairs down, put the chairs up on top of the tables and vacuumed… there were always things to do in the kitchen… take out the 10 garbage cans, or fill the big tub with more ice and bottled water… or mop, or wipe stuff down, there were a ton of things to do in the kitchen…
930 we had a brief staff meeting. I was technically in charge of events and happenings, and news, and helping in kitchen and planning and doing activities with the little kids each night… Anyone who knows me, knows I loved that part (
So about 10 I would meet with Joe, the shelter manager, and we would go over any news that he wanted me to write out on papers and post at all major doors, or stuff that just needed to go on our updates bulletin board… by the time I got all those signs made up and dispersed, it was usually time go to the back of the school area and get bags of ice to restock the kitchen and front office, or various errands and then on to helping with lunch at 1130 – lunch and supper were hot meals cooked for us by the volunteers of the Southern Baptist Convention churches… They had volunteers much like the Red Cross does, and would cook all day… that food was put into big red containers, called Cambros, that kept hot food hot, and cold food cold, losing only one degree per hour if they were not opened… So the ERV (emergency response vehicle) would deliver us that food, and also supplies that they knew we needed and could get their hands on for us like cups and clamshells, and misc. snacks etc… after serving lunch, we again cleaned up so at about 2pm I usually went up to the front desk to see if they needed any help with room counts.. every day (or nearly every day, depending) we would knock on all the residents doors and ask who was all still there in that room, and make an accurate count, so we would know who had gone, and who all remained… it was a nice time to get to check on everyone and see how they were doing, and if they needed anything (that we could provide) they all needed things we couldn’t even begin to help with.
From about 4-530 I just ran errands and helped anyone who was doing something, there was always plenty to do, and I tried to plan something to do with the kids that evening
Again, 530 prepare for dinner, 730 done with cleanup from that … 730to 9 was fun time for the kids, and we did coloring contests, and had story time, and watched a movie, always with a snack involved… Sometimes this part was hard, because I was the only staff assigned to entertain 20-25 kids, from way too young (like 2 and in diapers) to old, like 15… so sometimes the kids got a bit out of hand, but they knew the rules - you don’t listen, you get sent back to your room - no snack -- I had a few little stuffed animals that Joe the shelter manager had scrounged up too, so I could give those out as top prize for the night, who behaved best that night etc… after the kids got their snack and headed back to their rooms, I just cleaned up the area we used, and then headed for bed, usually by 930-10 and for my baby-wipe shower, and for my cell phone to call home and see how the family was…. We girls had our own classroom that we slept in, and usually we would swap stories of our day, and a few tears over things that had been said, or witnessed, or just over a long, rough day.
Our Staff at Pearl River High School Red Cross Shelter
Joe – Shelter Manager (In Charge) Went out into town to get supplies from Wal-Mart, oversaw all of us other Red Crossers and volunteers, and I would assume made any and all contact with the Red Cross headquarters
Bob- 1st time disaster volunteer, handled front desk and housing (assigning rooms etc) He was also the ice hauler, the overflowing sink/toilet fixer, the all around helpful guy if you needed anything done that took two people, he would always come to your rescue
Pam- Canadian Red Cross Volunteer, Experienced… Front desk, in charge of list of residents and checking in and out and various questions/concerns
Sandy – Canadian Red Cross Volunteer, Experienced - Headed the kitchen ordering and supplies, and oversaw menus etc…
Sharon – Nurse (RN) – experienced volunteer – took care of sick (as best we could) oversaw the special needs people in the shelter library, and coordinated when the doctors came to see residents – also helped us with whatever was needed when she was not busy
Angel – 1st time disaster volunteer - did whatever was asked of me, helped with all 3 meals, in charge of signs that went up giving info on showers and news and FEMA and various other happenings… ran children’s programs at night
We had 3 other people with us, that were running the shelter with Joe before Bob, Pam, Sandy and I arrived. They were from Ohio I think, and they were Ralph, Fred, and Carl (Carl was the manager)
They have a term at the Red Cross LDV Local Disaster Volunteers …usually people residing in the shelter that agree and want to help with meals or cleaning or whatever they would like to do… we had some great ones!!! A couple of guys usually volunteered to take out all the garbage after mealtime, and some helped us serve meals if we were spread too thin, 2 ladies in particular helped cook breakfast every morning, it was great since they knew what the people of LA would want to eat, and they could tell us Yankees how to make it … they were wonderful!!!!
For a short time, we also had Victor. He is a HAM radio operator and drove from Texas (I think) to help us get communication with headquarters… sometimes he could get right through, and sometimes he had to relay messages through someone in Slidell, a neighboring town, and get them to Covington or Baton Rouge that way. He was a very nice guy, and even offered to let us hear the radio news, or TV news at ten when he got it to come in Only bad thing was we were all so tired, that we just opted to go to bed instead. He is a very smart guy, with a lot of contacts it seems I don’t really think he got the respect he deserved in our staff meetings, but I think he was great. Our link to the outside world
I don’t think I am really ready to figure out what I want to say about how it was down there, as far as the residents we talked with and met and lived with, or the stories we heard, there is good and bad, and I don’t think I can get out what I want to say fully.
One thing was, even though we KNEW that the people were upset with the Red Cross being so slow in their efforts of help, not many of those residents ever had a bad thing to say to us. I know they talked on their own, but when we were serving dinner, or walking by, or offering them help in any way, they were for the most part all very, very thankful that we were there, and of the things we COULD do for them up to that point. It felt very weird hearing them say thank you, when they had things much worse than we did. They were still grateful.
I will write more about the people and how they were coping and that type of thing, but right now, I am still not feeling 100% and, I don’t know for sure what stories to share, so I will think a bit more on that and post it when I think I have a good plan
9/13/2005
I'm back home early
http://www.jimandangel.com/katrina/
Jim made a page for updates while I was down in Louisiana.
I am home early. I have a "bit of Salmonella poisoning".. so says the Dr that saw me in Louisiana. He sent me home with a "stomach virus" then got blood work back the next day and called me. I am really bummed that I had to leave the Red Cross early, but I am glad that with salmonella, it is only me that is sick, and I didn't/couldn't spread it to the residents of our shelter.
I am working on a word document that tells a little about what I did when I was down there, and what I thought of the experience.. overall it was WONDERFUL. I wish I wasn't sick now of course, and some things that happened down there were not the greatest, but I will tell you all about it after I have regained my wits and energy a bit.
Please, if you pray, or what ever you might do in lieu of that, the people down in Louisiana and the Gulf Coast could use it. Many of them were poor to begin with, and now they have the clothes on their back....
Take care :)
More later
Angel Chasse (again)
Jim made a page for updates while I was down in Louisiana.
I am home early. I have a "bit of Salmonella poisoning".. so says the Dr that saw me in Louisiana. He sent me home with a "stomach virus" then got blood work back the next day and called me. I am really bummed that I had to leave the Red Cross early, but I am glad that with salmonella, it is only me that is sick, and I didn't/couldn't spread it to the residents of our shelter.
I am working on a word document that tells a little about what I did when I was down there, and what I thought of the experience.. overall it was WONDERFUL. I wish I wasn't sick now of course, and some things that happened down there were not the greatest, but I will tell you all about it after I have regained my wits and energy a bit.
Please, if you pray, or what ever you might do in lieu of that, the people down in Louisiana and the Gulf Coast could use it. Many of them were poor to begin with, and now they have the clothes on their back....
Take care :)
More later
Angel Chasse (again)
9/02/2005
Angel and Katrina
I am going with the Red Cross down to Houston tomorrow. From there they will assign me to a post. I am told we won't be going yet into New Orleans, but I am willing to help wherever I can. I called my local red cross chapter, and let them know that I knew they needed cash right now, but that is not something I have.. what I do have is time, and a willingness to help. So, they got me into a class, and I did paperwork, and tomorrow I leave for Houston by plane. From there I will go to the staging area for more training/paperwork, and then to what will be my post. I am committed to them for 3 weeks, but who knows, if they need me, and I can handle it, I would love to stay longer.. but time will tell how that goes... I am so nervous, and so happy to be able to help all at the same time.. I know I will see and experience things there that I have never seen or experienced before, but all in all, I think it will make me a better person than I know how to be now. So if any of you out there reading this do not have any cash to give, let me be the first to tell you that they need volunteers. You don't have to go to Katrina, like I am doing, but the local chapters are flooded with work for volunteers as well. So if you don't have cash, but you have time.. consider it?
Here's to hoping that the people of the gulf coast start to get what they need... and soon..
Angel Chasse (again)
Friday night, 10:49 Central. From Home in Iowa
Here's to hoping that the people of the gulf coast start to get what they need... and soon..
Angel Chasse (again)
Friday night, 10:49 Central. From Home in Iowa
8/30/2005
8/25/2005
The Website ... Part II
So, I spent like 6 hours yesterday making a new page for the site, and updating lots of pictures from the old site... and then I did something (not sure what) and 2 of my pages were missing all their pictures and were basically screwed up.. so I was mad, sad, upset, and I didn't want to work on the site anymore.. -- but a new day, and a new challenge I guess. I didn't sleep much last night, so I might just be tired, and willing to start over cuz of that.. but is probably cuz Jim encouraged me :) :) - Yep, pretty sure that was it
So, some of the pages are updated again now, and I hope they don't wreck themselves any time soon.... so on the webpage saga goes.. but really, I think I am in over my head on this. .I can do simple simple stuff, but when it gets at all complicated, I get confused and mess it all up... anyway... so its just a website in the long run :)
http://www.jimandangel.com
Enjoy :)
Angel Chasse (again)
So, some of the pages are updated again now, and I hope they don't wreck themselves any time soon.... so on the webpage saga goes.. but really, I think I am in over my head on this. .I can do simple simple stuff, but when it gets at all complicated, I get confused and mess it all up... anyway... so its just a website in the long run :)
http://www.jimandangel.com
Enjoy :)
Angel Chasse (again)
8/24/2005
Jim and Angel's Website
Our site is up!! Yay.. Thanks to Jim, our site is up. I have updated some of the pages, but some still need some updates .. soon there will be a page that shows pictures of our new apartment (well new in may I guess) - I am excited. Jim showed me some of how to edit pages, so I have done a fair amount of that today, with more all week long :)
The site is at:
http://jimandangel.com
Stop by anytime.. and sign the guestbook if you'd like :)
Angel Chasse (again)
The site is at:
http://jimandangel.com
Stop by anytime.. and sign the guestbook if you'd like :)
Angel Chasse (again)
8/21/2005
What to write about, what to write about?
I need to keep this thing as a more "daily" part of my life.. I promised myself I would.
Today, just listening to some music, and catching up on everyone's blog.
Jim starts back to college on Wednesday. Woo hoo for him :)
I've been thinking of what "larger cities" I would like to move to once he has his degree.
He hates winter here in the midwest, and hates the humidity of the summer..
Soooo.. somewhere south possibly? Both coasts are too expensive, especially when
you consider we are used to Iowa/South Dakota prices for everything.
So, maybe Arizona.. a couple of online friends rave about Tucson.. we'll see..
it's 4 years from now.
I am going to look up now (I think) to see if there are any ways to do something before
you go to bed, to keep the nightmares to a minimum (is that how you spell that?)
I've had more than my fair share of nightmares these last couple of weeks, but I
am not sure why? - Ok, so here is some portion of a song by Garth Brooks
It's called Face to Face :
Your date showed up with flowers
And you thought your dreams had come
But with every passing hour
You felt it come undone
Then the night exploded and you begged him no
But he forever changed your life
And now he waits a judge and jury
Thinkin' you'll break down inside
And with a finger you can put his fists away
And you're face to face
Face to face with the devil that you've been dreadin'
Eye to eye finally has arrived
But bad as it was, well little sister wasn't it better
Dealin' with him face to face
'Cause it'll never go away
Until the fear that you are runnin' from is finally embraced
Drivin' by the grave yard
On a wicked winter's eve
And you're wonderin' why a man of faith
Is whistlin' nervously
Then you stop the car
And you hold your heart
'Cause you finally realize
Hell, the devil ain't in the darkness
He's 'rattlin' 'round inside
And with folded hands you truly start to pray
And you're face to face
Face to face with the devil that you've been dreadin'
Eye to eye finally has arrived
But bad as it was, well now brother wasn't it better
Dealin' with him face to face
'Cause it'll never go away
Until the fear that you are runnin' from is finally embraced
Face to face
Then you stop the car
And you hold your heart
'Cause you finally realize
Hell, the devil ain't in the darkness
He's 'rattlin' 'round inside
I have that devil, I think he resides in my heart. He would probably be the reason I hear strange and mean voices in my head telling me I should just kill myself, and that I will never be loved and I will never deserve anything. Anything good that is. I suppose for me, I need to get rid of that devil, and then I can move on. I was thinking the other day. It was the weirdest thing. I realized that I can't feel someone's love. I know that my husband loves me, and he says it enough. I even believe that he is not lying about loving me. I guess my thought of "how could he love ME" takes over, and it makes it hard, if not impossible for me to take it on faith, and look at all the evidence that he loves me, and let that in, feel it. Weird.. I know.. weird for me even to think about. It's the same way with everyone. I know how *I* feel towards them, there is no doubt for me that others deserve and have my love. I just don't really get that some people actually, really, truly, deeply, for real, forever love *ME* - weird. I suppose that would make a good topic with a therapist. I just always feel like at any moment people could all just walk away from me thinking I am too much work, and too dramatic, and I half expect them to actually walk away. - I really need to work on that, cuz it messes with me a lot. *Special note if your name is Jim and you are reading this * - I love you, I *know* that you love me more than anyone has ever loved me.. ever.. - the part I need to work on is feeling like I could ever be deserving of your love, and that you aren't just going to come home one day and tell me to get lost. If that makes sense? -- anyway, back to my music, no more deep thinking today...
Anyone want cookies? I am drinking water, and eating cookies.. I am pretty sure that is not going to cancel out :)
Angel Chasse (again)
Today, just listening to some music, and catching up on everyone's blog.
Jim starts back to college on Wednesday. Woo hoo for him :)
I've been thinking of what "larger cities" I would like to move to once he has his degree.
He hates winter here in the midwest, and hates the humidity of the summer..
Soooo.. somewhere south possibly? Both coasts are too expensive, especially when
you consider we are used to Iowa/South Dakota prices for everything.
So, maybe Arizona.. a couple of online friends rave about Tucson.. we'll see..
it's 4 years from now.
I am going to look up now (I think) to see if there are any ways to do something before
you go to bed, to keep the nightmares to a minimum (is that how you spell that?)
I've had more than my fair share of nightmares these last couple of weeks, but I
am not sure why? - Ok, so here is some portion of a song by Garth Brooks
It's called Face to Face :
Your date showed up with flowers
And you thought your dreams had come
But with every passing hour
You felt it come undone
Then the night exploded and you begged him no
But he forever changed your life
And now he waits a judge and jury
Thinkin' you'll break down inside
And with a finger you can put his fists away
And you're face to face
Face to face with the devil that you've been dreadin'
Eye to eye finally has arrived
But bad as it was, well little sister wasn't it better
Dealin' with him face to face
'Cause it'll never go away
Until the fear that you are runnin' from is finally embraced
Drivin' by the grave yard
On a wicked winter's eve
And you're wonderin' why a man of faith
Is whistlin' nervously
Then you stop the car
And you hold your heart
'Cause you finally realize
Hell, the devil ain't in the darkness
He's 'rattlin' 'round inside
And with folded hands you truly start to pray
And you're face to face
Face to face with the devil that you've been dreadin'
Eye to eye finally has arrived
But bad as it was, well now brother wasn't it better
Dealin' with him face to face
'Cause it'll never go away
Until the fear that you are runnin' from is finally embraced
Face to face
Then you stop the car
And you hold your heart
'Cause you finally realize
Hell, the devil ain't in the darkness
He's 'rattlin' 'round inside
I have that devil, I think he resides in my heart. He would probably be the reason I hear strange and mean voices in my head telling me I should just kill myself, and that I will never be loved and I will never deserve anything. Anything good that is. I suppose for me, I need to get rid of that devil, and then I can move on. I was thinking the other day. It was the weirdest thing. I realized that I can't feel someone's love. I know that my husband loves me, and he says it enough. I even believe that he is not lying about loving me. I guess my thought of "how could he love ME" takes over, and it makes it hard, if not impossible for me to take it on faith, and look at all the evidence that he loves me, and let that in, feel it. Weird.. I know.. weird for me even to think about. It's the same way with everyone. I know how *I* feel towards them, there is no doubt for me that others deserve and have my love. I just don't really get that some people actually, really, truly, deeply, for real, forever love *ME* - weird. I suppose that would make a good topic with a therapist. I just always feel like at any moment people could all just walk away from me thinking I am too much work, and too dramatic, and I half expect them to actually walk away. - I really need to work on that, cuz it messes with me a lot. *Special note if your name is Jim and you are reading this * - I love you, I *know* that you love me more than anyone has ever loved me.. ever.. - the part I need to work on is feeling like I could ever be deserving of your love, and that you aren't just going to come home one day and tell me to get lost. If that makes sense? -- anyway, back to my music, no more deep thinking today...
Anyone want cookies? I am drinking water, and eating cookies.. I am pretty sure that is not going to cancel out :)
Angel Chasse (again)
8/18/2005
What do I believe Part II
Does anyone have any advice?
I don't know what I believe in...
I know I love my husband
I know I love my family
I know I love children
I know...
I know, or I am pretty sure.. that I am not the kind of person who can take things on faith...
I'm not even talking about religion yet.
I mean, like when people don't tell me they love me for a long time, I start to figure they don't..
And, when someone stops returning my calls, I assume they have nothing to say to me..
I have never been a person that could just really believe stuff, without it making sense to me.
I think this might be why religion is so confusing/complex/unfavorable for me to think about..
Examples, I have a ton of them. When something goes wrong, I assume it is something I did. When my sister doesn't call me back, I freak out, and assume that she doesn't want to talk to me specifically. I don't just figure (like most people, I would assume) that she is busy, has a new baby to take care of and lots of stuff to do .. I assume that she is not calling ME back, because she doesn't have anything that she wants to say to ME ...
When my husband has had a bad day, and is in a bad mood, I usually assume that there is something I could be doing for him to make him feel better, and if I can't do that, then I am not a good wife, and we are not right for each other anymore, and he probably is falling out of love with me......
When my little brother doesn't call, or stop by, I figure he doesn't have time for me either..
I don't know. I could go on and on about how I feel like I am always saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing (and sometimes I am, cuz I have a temper) -- but I just can't let things be. I can't just let someone be too busy to talk to anyone, let alone me, and I can't seem to stop taking it to heart when these kinds of things happen to me. I am missing that blind faith that others seem to have .... the kind that tells them that their sisters and brothers and family and husbands and moms and dads love them 110% of the time.. and that they would always love hearing from them.. and that no matter what, their husband can have a bad day, and even if you can't make it better, you are not failing as a wife.. I don't know about me sometimes. Sometimes it seems very self-centered to me that I would think that anyone takes enough time out of their busy day to even notice if they haven't called, or returned calls, or said hi, or stopped by.. I just don't know. I DO know that it feels crappy to feel this way, and it ruins your life to be this way... Talk therapy.. yup, should do it.. and should get back on some meds.. yup.. and should check out the dr's office that says they go on a sliding scale here, yup.. Maybe this coming week I will do all of this....
Other things that suck about being me:
Feeling like I am less of a person than basically any other person I have ever met.
Feeling like I am going to die having not done any one significant thing to help society
Wanting a baby so bad that it hurts sometimes..
Wanting/Needing/Loving my husband, but constantly feeling as if I should just do the right thing and let him get on with the life that he was supposed to lead, before he met me
Being scared of the dark
Hating to go anywhere around other people
Being so needy
Being so sad
Negativity, negativity, negativity
Laziness, and lack of motivation
Wanting to just act like I am "normal" nothing wrong, no need for meds or help ever..
Going off meds, thinking I will be fine without them
Hearing voices.. if most people know how often I hear voices (all the time) - they would not come near me I think
Feeling like suicide is a viable option sometimes.. and having tried it many times
Feeling like I have let my parents, my family, my friends, and most of all my husband down by not just being "fake happy" like I was when I met my husband. Sometimes I feel like if he had known I would be the way I am today, there is no way we would have gotten close, much less gotten married...
I know.. I know... distorted thinking.. I have been told.. I have been retold.. I have been told again... but most days it feels so REAL.. so REALITY.. so ALL THERE IS FOR ME TO THINK..
Today wasn't an especially rough day for me, but I sure could use some time off from all of the things swirling in my head.. vacation .. now.. vacation.... now... anyway.. if you have read this.. anyone.. you deserve a gold star :)
Angel Chasse (again)
I don't know what I believe in...
I know I love my husband
I know I love my family
I know I love children
I know...
I know, or I am pretty sure.. that I am not the kind of person who can take things on faith...
I'm not even talking about religion yet.
I mean, like when people don't tell me they love me for a long time, I start to figure they don't..
And, when someone stops returning my calls, I assume they have nothing to say to me..
I have never been a person that could just really believe stuff, without it making sense to me.
I think this might be why religion is so confusing/complex/unfavorable for me to think about..
Examples, I have a ton of them. When something goes wrong, I assume it is something I did. When my sister doesn't call me back, I freak out, and assume that she doesn't want to talk to me specifically. I don't just figure (like most people, I would assume) that she is busy, has a new baby to take care of and lots of stuff to do .. I assume that she is not calling ME back, because she doesn't have anything that she wants to say to ME ...
When my husband has had a bad day, and is in a bad mood, I usually assume that there is something I could be doing for him to make him feel better, and if I can't do that, then I am not a good wife, and we are not right for each other anymore, and he probably is falling out of love with me......
When my little brother doesn't call, or stop by, I figure he doesn't have time for me either..
I don't know. I could go on and on about how I feel like I am always saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing (and sometimes I am, cuz I have a temper) -- but I just can't let things be. I can't just let someone be too busy to talk to anyone, let alone me, and I can't seem to stop taking it to heart when these kinds of things happen to me. I am missing that blind faith that others seem to have .... the kind that tells them that their sisters and brothers and family and husbands and moms and dads love them 110% of the time.. and that they would always love hearing from them.. and that no matter what, their husband can have a bad day, and even if you can't make it better, you are not failing as a wife.. I don't know about me sometimes. Sometimes it seems very self-centered to me that I would think that anyone takes enough time out of their busy day to even notice if they haven't called, or returned calls, or said hi, or stopped by.. I just don't know. I DO know that it feels crappy to feel this way, and it ruins your life to be this way... Talk therapy.. yup, should do it.. and should get back on some meds.. yup.. and should check out the dr's office that says they go on a sliding scale here, yup.. Maybe this coming week I will do all of this....
Other things that suck about being me:
Feeling like I am less of a person than basically any other person I have ever met.
Feeling like I am going to die having not done any one significant thing to help society
Wanting a baby so bad that it hurts sometimes..
Wanting/Needing/Loving my husband, but constantly feeling as if I should just do the right thing and let him get on with the life that he was supposed to lead, before he met me
Being scared of the dark
Hating to go anywhere around other people
Being so needy
Being so sad
Negativity, negativity, negativity
Laziness, and lack of motivation
Wanting to just act like I am "normal" nothing wrong, no need for meds or help ever..
Going off meds, thinking I will be fine without them
Hearing voices.. if most people know how often I hear voices (all the time) - they would not come near me I think
Feeling like suicide is a viable option sometimes.. and having tried it many times
Feeling like I have let my parents, my family, my friends, and most of all my husband down by not just being "fake happy" like I was when I met my husband. Sometimes I feel like if he had known I would be the way I am today, there is no way we would have gotten close, much less gotten married...
I know.. I know... distorted thinking.. I have been told.. I have been retold.. I have been told again... but most days it feels so REAL.. so REALITY.. so ALL THERE IS FOR ME TO THINK..
Today wasn't an especially rough day for me, but I sure could use some time off from all of the things swirling in my head.. vacation .. now.. vacation.... now... anyway.. if you have read this.. anyone.. you deserve a gold star :)
Angel Chasse (again)
8/14/2005
News...
Not a lot going on here. Just spending time with the husband, and the family, and the friends :)
Jim goes back to school on the 24th and he is beyond excited about it. I am excited too, for him.
My jaw hurts. Seems like a muscle used for chewing is hurting, and I am not sure why, I do wish it would go away, and quickly.. 3 days is long enough for that!!! - Today is my Aunt Pennie's birthday, then Tuesday is my friend Shannon's, and then Wednesday is my cousin Brady's - lots of birthdays this month I guess. Still trying to keep up on my water drinking, so I have resorted to putting a bit (like quarter of a cup or less) of strong coffee in my water bottle during the morning, so I feel like I am getting coffee, but am still drinking my water. I always thought that when you started drinking a lot of water (for me I am trying for 3 liters a day, as I am a big person) - well anyway, I thought that once you have been drinking that much water for like a week or a little more, that you would pee less.. I mean like.. I have to pee allll the time now.. I guess that is good, flushing the old system out.. I don't know though. I have never gone to the bathroom this much in my life ;) -- I do have Dr Thunder in the fridge, but now I use that for a treat instead of drinking only that all day. I think in my own mind, I am doing well at the water thing :) lol --- we will see if it lasts... Im 27 years old, inactive, crazy, and extremely obese --- drinking water can't HURT lol --- ok... now back to my sore jaw muscle.. I haven't done anything to injure it or tire it out extremely, so I figure I have been having bad dreams a LOT and maybe when that happens a I grit my teeth and bite down a lot - that is the only thing I can figure that it could be... so anyway, I hope it feels better soon, cuz it hurts to chew.. and hey, that can be another weight loss tool.. .JUST KIDDIN! --
I read/heard about the plane crash in Greece. 121 people killed. *sad* -- I tell ya, the news, whenever I remember to turn it on.. its not good.. - I was also wondering, random thing... I watched the world news tonight show last Friday... are they going to keep calling it World News Tonight With Peter Jennings, or are they just leaving it that way for a time, to honor him? I don't know. I guess I should look it up. I am very happy as we have had some really cool weather lately.. I hate hate hate hate the heat :) I am a fall/winter girl all the way!!!!!! Come on FALL!!!!!!
Ok, I had better go for now, I am going to try to be better at posting more often, but I really don't have anything but complaining to do a lot of the days, so I try to stay away from this totally becoming "Angel's bitchiness blog" --- ask Jim, he knows about it.. he lives in "Angel's Bitchiness World" -- not fun...
Angel Chasse (again)
Jim goes back to school on the 24th and he is beyond excited about it. I am excited too, for him.
My jaw hurts. Seems like a muscle used for chewing is hurting, and I am not sure why, I do wish it would go away, and quickly.. 3 days is long enough for that!!! - Today is my Aunt Pennie's birthday, then Tuesday is my friend Shannon's, and then Wednesday is my cousin Brady's - lots of birthdays this month I guess. Still trying to keep up on my water drinking, so I have resorted to putting a bit (like quarter of a cup or less) of strong coffee in my water bottle during the morning, so I feel like I am getting coffee, but am still drinking my water. I always thought that when you started drinking a lot of water (for me I am trying for 3 liters a day, as I am a big person) - well anyway, I thought that once you have been drinking that much water for like a week or a little more, that you would pee less.. I mean like.. I have to pee allll the time now.. I guess that is good, flushing the old system out.. I don't know though. I have never gone to the bathroom this much in my life ;) -- I do have Dr Thunder in the fridge, but now I use that for a treat instead of drinking only that all day. I think in my own mind, I am doing well at the water thing :) lol --- we will see if it lasts... Im 27 years old, inactive, crazy, and extremely obese --- drinking water can't HURT lol --- ok... now back to my sore jaw muscle.. I haven't done anything to injure it or tire it out extremely, so I figure I have been having bad dreams a LOT and maybe when that happens a I grit my teeth and bite down a lot - that is the only thing I can figure that it could be... so anyway, I hope it feels better soon, cuz it hurts to chew.. and hey, that can be another weight loss tool.. .JUST KIDDIN! --
I read/heard about the plane crash in Greece. 121 people killed. *sad* -- I tell ya, the news, whenever I remember to turn it on.. its not good.. - I was also wondering, random thing... I watched the world news tonight show last Friday... are they going to keep calling it World News Tonight With Peter Jennings, or are they just leaving it that way for a time, to honor him? I don't know. I guess I should look it up. I am very happy as we have had some really cool weather lately.. I hate hate hate hate the heat :) I am a fall/winter girl all the way!!!!!! Come on FALL!!!!!!
Ok, I had better go for now, I am going to try to be better at posting more often, but I really don't have anything but complaining to do a lot of the days, so I try to stay away from this totally becoming "Angel's bitchiness blog" --- ask Jim, he knows about it.. he lives in "Angel's Bitchiness World" -- not fun...
Angel Chasse (again)
8/08/2005
My birthday 2005
Well,
I am 27 now (and my license is expired, I need to go get a new one tomorrow)
Went swimming, grilled out some food, spent time with Jim (the husband) - and Becky (the friend) -- Drank a few too many strawberry daquiris.. but miraculously for me, only had a mild headache/tummyache combo to wake up to the next morning. WOO HOO!
Now see, I am not a drinker.. I used to do more than my fair share, but it just doesn't agree with me, and I finally said I was gonna quit trying to drink, and not puke :) lol -- gotta love me.. soooo... I hardly ever drink now, and when I do, its one or two.. I am a lightweight I think my brother calls it .... but ahh well.. drinking isn't what life is all about :)
Got an email from Rosie, cuz I signed up to be a part of her mailing list. That was very cool. She is going to be back on broadway as Golde, in fiddler on the roof. She is happy, and I am happy for her... lol .. .not much broadway going on in Iowa.. but oh well.. I'll never be cultured in that I am sure... I also learned today on Rosie's blog that Peter Jennings passed away. That is sad. I looked up lung cancer when he announced it 4 months ago, and all the news articles were bad, saying survival rate was like 15% or something.. so I kind of figured ... but wow.. an American Icon, passed on.. only 67 years old. Tragic...
Got my "dogtag" necklace in the mail today from www.americasupportsyou.mil I will wear it. I have always been saying... You can support the troops without supporting the liar that put them there. Cuz they are there, and they are doing what was asked of them, and I couldn't be any more proud of each and every man and woman over there.
Saw my grandma and aunt and cousin and my brother and his gf last night. Not much new on that front, except that my brother forgot it was my birthday last Thursday. I guess I would rather have 100000 people forget that it was my birthday, than to ever forget the birthday of someone close to me. My friend Shannon's is coming up pretty soon, so I'll have to make sure to send her a note :)
Ok, so I wanted to say hi to all the blogsters that I read:
Rosie :) HI!
Jimmie :) HI!
Becky:) HI!
Lu :) HI!
Cindy :) HI!
Hollie :) HI!
Marty :) HI!
Toni :) HI!
Ashley :) HI!
Dr Deborah Serani :) HI!
I enjoy getting a peek into your lives through your blogs :) I hope that you all continue blogging, and that you feel like you get something out of it :) Take care all!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
I am 27 now (and my license is expired, I need to go get a new one tomorrow)
Went swimming, grilled out some food, spent time with Jim (the husband) - and Becky (the friend) -- Drank a few too many strawberry daquiris.. but miraculously for me, only had a mild headache/tummyache combo to wake up to the next morning. WOO HOO!
Now see, I am not a drinker.. I used to do more than my fair share, but it just doesn't agree with me, and I finally said I was gonna quit trying to drink, and not puke :) lol -- gotta love me.. soooo... I hardly ever drink now, and when I do, its one or two.. I am a lightweight I think my brother calls it .... but ahh well.. drinking isn't what life is all about :)
Got an email from Rosie, cuz I signed up to be a part of her mailing list. That was very cool. She is going to be back on broadway as Golde, in fiddler on the roof. She is happy, and I am happy for her... lol .. .not much broadway going on in Iowa.. but oh well.. I'll never be cultured in that I am sure... I also learned today on Rosie's blog that Peter Jennings passed away. That is sad. I looked up lung cancer when he announced it 4 months ago, and all the news articles were bad, saying survival rate was like 15% or something.. so I kind of figured ... but wow.. an American Icon, passed on.. only 67 years old. Tragic...
Got my "dogtag" necklace in the mail today from www.americasupportsyou.mil I will wear it. I have always been saying... You can support the troops without supporting the liar that put them there. Cuz they are there, and they are doing what was asked of them, and I couldn't be any more proud of each and every man and woman over there.
Saw my grandma and aunt and cousin and my brother and his gf last night. Not much new on that front, except that my brother forgot it was my birthday last Thursday. I guess I would rather have 100000 people forget that it was my birthday, than to ever forget the birthday of someone close to me. My friend Shannon's is coming up pretty soon, so I'll have to make sure to send her a note :)
Ok, so I wanted to say hi to all the blogsters that I read:
Rosie :) HI!
Jimmie :) HI!
Becky:) HI!
Lu :) HI!
Cindy :) HI!
Hollie :) HI!
Marty :) HI!
Toni :) HI!
Ashley :) HI!
Dr Deborah Serani :) HI!
I enjoy getting a peek into your lives through your blogs :) I hope that you all continue blogging, and that you feel like you get something out of it :) Take care all!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
8/03/2005
27 Candles on the cake for me...
So,
Tomorrow is my birthday - the 27th one in the series.
What am I going to do to celebrate? I don't know.
I don't really feel much like celebrating.
Jim isn't feeling well. Been to the Dr twice this week.
It really sucks seeing someone you love this much suffer.
And knowing there isn't really anything you can do.
And not knowing what is wrong, and why he feels crappy.
And wanting them to feel better NOW - and not wanting them to have to take pills to get rid of the pain and ickiness... URGH
Of course, I just want the world to be perfect :) and I want people not to have to struggle to make ends meet, and I don't want people to be sick.. or tired.. or sick and tired..
I realize trully that I can't live in a perfect world, but man, some days, it seems like mine has gone to crap!
But a few good things:
I get to spend a lot of time with Jim soon, cuz he will be back to college and be at home working on homework, and guess where I will be? You guessed it, home :)
I get to see my mom whenever I want, now that we live here in Sioux City
Becky is here, and she always has the time and the ear to listen to all my bs, and crap, and whining, and usually has a different way to look at things for me to try.. that's cooool
Leo (our cat) is awesome! He is loving, but not over-bearing, and can take care of himself, but doesn't mind being alone :)
My brother and all of the rest of my family are great. It is not that I don't KNOW that I have a lot of good things going on. It just seems like sometimes, Jim and I get screwed.. I mean, combo of our bad choices, and bad karma, or whatever you want to say it is.. but sometimes it's like the road keeps getting bumpier, and then they tear out the road, you think they are going to put it back in, and you find out that it is even worse than the first road was.. urgh
Another good thing is that I love reading other people's blogs, and I think that this one might be good for me too.. It just seems that lately everything is so negative... but.. this too shall pass..
Angel Chasse (again)
Tomorrow is my birthday - the 27th one in the series.
What am I going to do to celebrate? I don't know.
I don't really feel much like celebrating.
Jim isn't feeling well. Been to the Dr twice this week.
It really sucks seeing someone you love this much suffer.
And knowing there isn't really anything you can do.
And not knowing what is wrong, and why he feels crappy.
And wanting them to feel better NOW - and not wanting them to have to take pills to get rid of the pain and ickiness... URGH
Of course, I just want the world to be perfect :) and I want people not to have to struggle to make ends meet, and I don't want people to be sick.. or tired.. or sick and tired..
I realize trully that I can't live in a perfect world, but man, some days, it seems like mine has gone to crap!
But a few good things:
I get to spend a lot of time with Jim soon, cuz he will be back to college and be at home working on homework, and guess where I will be? You guessed it, home :)
I get to see my mom whenever I want, now that we live here in Sioux City
Becky is here, and she always has the time and the ear to listen to all my bs, and crap, and whining, and usually has a different way to look at things for me to try.. that's cooool
Leo (our cat) is awesome! He is loving, but not over-bearing, and can take care of himself, but doesn't mind being alone :)
My brother and all of the rest of my family are great. It is not that I don't KNOW that I have a lot of good things going on. It just seems like sometimes, Jim and I get screwed.. I mean, combo of our bad choices, and bad karma, or whatever you want to say it is.. but sometimes it's like the road keeps getting bumpier, and then they tear out the road, you think they are going to put it back in, and you find out that it is even worse than the first road was.. urgh
Another good thing is that I love reading other people's blogs, and I think that this one might be good for me too.. It just seems that lately everything is so negative... but.. this too shall pass..
Angel Chasse (again)
7/31/2005
So Tired....
I think I had another post one time about being too tired.
I am tired... like the physical kind, from not getting a good night's sleep, and the other kind..
From mind racing, thoughts crashing into one another. Trying to pay attention when someone I love is talking to me, trying to not listen to the voices... trying to not nag at Jim, trying to stay in a good mood. (Failing at those)
It just seems like a siege, a war inside my head, me wanting to read stuff and do stuff, and my mind firing off all these remarks about what a loser I am, and the paranoid thoughts.
Ha, I just thought about something, that if anyone reads this, they will probably think I am crazy... I would like to say I am :) lol -- nah, not schizophrenic, if that is what you are thinking...
But, I have issues.. and they are sometimes a lot to think about, or should I say a lot to try not to think about. Seems every year near my birthday I find myself looking back on my year and wondering how things went, and how things will go from here.
I need to find a new dr, to do my meds, and therapist and stuff.. - guess I will just pull money out of my ear for all of that :)
I just need to stop having mood swings, and feeling like everyone is out to get me, and starting fights over nothing, at the drop of a hat I feel sad, and like crying.. I need to stop these voices that I hear in my head, and teach myself how to not notice them... I need to do a lot of things.. oh yeah, I have a lack of motivation too to go along with all that ;) - so that is a great combo!!!
Ok, on a lighter note, today is my step-sister Sarah's 27th bday (we are 4 days apart) - and she brought Peyton down so we could hold her and love her up today :) - I posted a picture of Jim holding her for the first time on my Flickr - She is adjusting to motherhood really well, and I am so proud of her!!!!
And, as usual... Jim is being great, and putting up with me, and always being nice to me even when I am not nice to him, and I wish I had a gazillion dollars to give him for putting up with me... and still loving me on top of it all.....
It is a bumpy road, but I am sure one of these days I will get a 4 wheel drive, so I can manage :)
Angel Chasse ( again)
I am tired... like the physical kind, from not getting a good night's sleep, and the other kind..
From mind racing, thoughts crashing into one another. Trying to pay attention when someone I love is talking to me, trying to not listen to the voices... trying to not nag at Jim, trying to stay in a good mood. (Failing at those)
It just seems like a siege, a war inside my head, me wanting to read stuff and do stuff, and my mind firing off all these remarks about what a loser I am, and the paranoid thoughts.
Ha, I just thought about something, that if anyone reads this, they will probably think I am crazy... I would like to say I am :) lol -- nah, not schizophrenic, if that is what you are thinking...
But, I have issues.. and they are sometimes a lot to think about, or should I say a lot to try not to think about. Seems every year near my birthday I find myself looking back on my year and wondering how things went, and how things will go from here.
I need to find a new dr, to do my meds, and therapist and stuff.. - guess I will just pull money out of my ear for all of that :)
I just need to stop having mood swings, and feeling like everyone is out to get me, and starting fights over nothing, at the drop of a hat I feel sad, and like crying.. I need to stop these voices that I hear in my head, and teach myself how to not notice them... I need to do a lot of things.. oh yeah, I have a lack of motivation too to go along with all that ;) - so that is a great combo!!!
Ok, on a lighter note, today is my step-sister Sarah's 27th bday (we are 4 days apart) - and she brought Peyton down so we could hold her and love her up today :) - I posted a picture of Jim holding her for the first time on my Flickr - She is adjusting to motherhood really well, and I am so proud of her!!!!
And, as usual... Jim is being great, and putting up with me, and always being nice to me even when I am not nice to him, and I wish I had a gazillion dollars to give him for putting up with me... and still loving me on top of it all.....
It is a bumpy road, but I am sure one of these days I will get a 4 wheel drive, so I can manage :)
Angel Chasse ( again)
7/26/2005
What do I believe?
Wow,
I never thought that the guy that made that movie called "super size me" would bring any thought to my life...
See, when I was younger, like 10 years ago or so, I started going to church.. I went every Sunday. I even went although my parents did not. They did not really find organized religion to be something they were interested in. I went, and one day I broke down, and the pastor spent probably 4-5 hours answering the questions that I had about being Baptist, about being a Christian, about the Bible.. etc etc... I listened, and planned to join the church, become a member... I went for another 4-5 months, and when it came time to join, I chickened out.. something about it did not seem right to me, but to this day I can't put my finger on any one thing.. It just didn't feel right to me, I didn't have all the answers I needed....
So fast forward to last night, watching a show on FX channel, called "30 days" - They were sending a farm boy college graduate from Michigan to live in the Castro District of San Fransico. I take it that the 30 days was to see if his ideas about homosexual men would change.. when he lived at home in Michigan, he felt that homosexuality was biblically wrong, and a sin. He didn't think that homosexual men should serve in the Army reserves with him either....
This kind of brings me to my quandry.....
who is right? Those that take the Bible literally, or those that see it as merely a book of parable stories to keep us doing more right than wrong...
I know that there are parts of the Bible that say a man should not lay with another man.. But, the bible also says eye for an eye - so which parts do you pick out and decide that you are going to live your life by? And, are you supposed to believe that we should treat others badly or outcast them because they sin this way? The way I understood it (might be mistaken) -- is that a sin is a sin is a sin.... they are not ranked from bad to really bad to really really evil....
I guess I don't really feel that I would want to be part of any religion that condemns others for their sex life... I guess I could be described as "confused" -- there are so many other questions that I have... I guess I am not a person who does "blind faith" well....
So Jim's advice for me is to sit down with several different pastors/clergy, and see if now that it is 10 years later, I get any answers I can understand, or better deal with...
I think it is a great idea, except right now I feel like with all that is always goin on in my head, that I could be susceptable to taking someone else's view of what is right and wrong, and adopting it to be my own...
Sometimes I feel that organized religion is simply brainwashing in a simple form....
I mean, you go there, they pick out certain snipets of the bible.. they tell you how to interpret it... and then you base your religion for the most part on what the pastor has told you..
I just really think that it seems wrong to pick and choose.. if you are going to believe that the bible is a writing to be taken literally, you shoudln't be able to pick and choose what parts of it you want to apply to your life... that cant be right.. at least to me...
So, as anyone reading this can probably tell, not only do I hear voices more frequently in my head that are not really there, and not only do I get depressed and pissed off, and suicidal, and crabby and lazy and f#c#ed up.. but now I am not even sure if I believe in God, or if I do ( I think I do) - what role he should play in my life, URGH URGH URGH...
On a side note, I personally think that homosexuality is NOT a CHOICE but something that you are born being --- like.. you either have freckles, or you don't, and you have blue eyes or you don't... and I don't think that ANYONE should be treated badly because of who they choose to spend their life with and love.. .Love is Love.. Kindness is Kindness.. People are People... Jerks are Jerks.. and so on ....
Angel Chasse (again)
I never thought that the guy that made that movie called "super size me" would bring any thought to my life...
See, when I was younger, like 10 years ago or so, I started going to church.. I went every Sunday. I even went although my parents did not. They did not really find organized religion to be something they were interested in. I went, and one day I broke down, and the pastor spent probably 4-5 hours answering the questions that I had about being Baptist, about being a Christian, about the Bible.. etc etc... I listened, and planned to join the church, become a member... I went for another 4-5 months, and when it came time to join, I chickened out.. something about it did not seem right to me, but to this day I can't put my finger on any one thing.. It just didn't feel right to me, I didn't have all the answers I needed....
So fast forward to last night, watching a show on FX channel, called "30 days" - They were sending a farm boy college graduate from Michigan to live in the Castro District of San Fransico. I take it that the 30 days was to see if his ideas about homosexual men would change.. when he lived at home in Michigan, he felt that homosexuality was biblically wrong, and a sin. He didn't think that homosexual men should serve in the Army reserves with him either....
This kind of brings me to my quandry.....
who is right? Those that take the Bible literally, or those that see it as merely a book of parable stories to keep us doing more right than wrong...
I know that there are parts of the Bible that say a man should not lay with another man.. But, the bible also says eye for an eye - so which parts do you pick out and decide that you are going to live your life by? And, are you supposed to believe that we should treat others badly or outcast them because they sin this way? The way I understood it (might be mistaken) -- is that a sin is a sin is a sin.... they are not ranked from bad to really bad to really really evil....
I guess I don't really feel that I would want to be part of any religion that condemns others for their sex life... I guess I could be described as "confused" -- there are so many other questions that I have... I guess I am not a person who does "blind faith" well....
So Jim's advice for me is to sit down with several different pastors/clergy, and see if now that it is 10 years later, I get any answers I can understand, or better deal with...
I think it is a great idea, except right now I feel like with all that is always goin on in my head, that I could be susceptable to taking someone else's view of what is right and wrong, and adopting it to be my own...
Sometimes I feel that organized religion is simply brainwashing in a simple form....
I mean, you go there, they pick out certain snipets of the bible.. they tell you how to interpret it... and then you base your religion for the most part on what the pastor has told you..
I just really think that it seems wrong to pick and choose.. if you are going to believe that the bible is a writing to be taken literally, you shoudln't be able to pick and choose what parts of it you want to apply to your life... that cant be right.. at least to me...
So, as anyone reading this can probably tell, not only do I hear voices more frequently in my head that are not really there, and not only do I get depressed and pissed off, and suicidal, and crabby and lazy and f#c#ed up.. but now I am not even sure if I believe in God, or if I do ( I think I do) - what role he should play in my life, URGH URGH URGH...
On a side note, I personally think that homosexuality is NOT a CHOICE but something that you are born being --- like.. you either have freckles, or you don't, and you have blue eyes or you don't... and I don't think that ANYONE should be treated badly because of who they choose to spend their life with and love.. .Love is Love.. Kindness is Kindness.. People are People... Jerks are Jerks.. and so on ....
Angel Chasse (again)
7/22/2005
A baby is born into the world...
So.. picture it, Sicily (ok, that is Golden Girls)
Tuesday night, my mom calls me about 10 after ten... she says that Larry called. He and Sarah are going to the hospital, contractions every 6 minutes. My mom asks him to give a call back once they are checked in at the hospital, so that we know for sure "it's time" - and not "first time mom's false alarm" -- so I am elated. She asks " are you going to ride with us and go to see Sarah?" ------ DUH MOM --------- Hello!!!!!! It's ME!!!
So I get dressed, probably smile plastered from ear to ear :) - Jim reminds me that I might have wanted to wait to put jeans and etc on, it may be a false alarm. I was hot in the apt, yes, but I knew that it would be cold at the hospital. So I am dressed, excited, and ready to go :) --- Then, I wait... and wait, and wait.. and finally it's midnight, and no call back, and I can't get ahold of sarah.. so I call my mom and dad... now.. in our family we don't make late night phone calls.. my parents work early in the morning, so they go to bed early.. anyway, I call and my dad picks up on the first ring.. strange ... but he says he hasn't heard anything.. and asks if I have called Sarah's cell... DUH again.. yah, I called about 6 times :) -- so finally I get the main # to the hospital up there, and the nurse gives me the room # ... I call.. no answer... -- finally I get the RIGHT room # and Sarah's mom picks up, says she is in some pain, and is getting medicine, and that the Dr said "the baby will be here today, but I can't say what time" - she thinks we could wait until morning to make the trip.... I call my dad, relay that info, and hang up... then I go to bed, with the phone on my nightstand.. about 20 mins later, Larry calls, said he didn't want to forget to call me, and that he just talked to my dad, and that he got the impression we were going to be on our way... I wish him luck :):) -- hang up with him and call my dad back, they are indeed coming to pick me up - mom's already on her way... I kiss Jimbo goodbye, and run off to catch my ride.. we stop to get some coffee (as it is about 1:20 am :) -- and I tell the convienience store clerk that we are on "baby patrol" and that I am going to be an aunt :) -- he looks unimpressed, but he plays along, wishing us a good safe trip. -- so we get on the road, and start seeing lightning almost the instant we get on the interstate.. It's 85 miles, all interstate, all 75 mph speed limit from Sioux City *where I live now* to Sioux Falls *where Sarah lives* -- so we get going, and about 30 mins into the drive the lightning gives way to rain, hard hard flooding type rain, and then some stiff wind to go along with it. We slow down dramatically, and mom manages to keep us on the road and get us there safely :) -- I on the other hand, almost didn't make it to the hospital, per I drank my entire 20oz of coffee on the trip, and desparately needed a bathroom... its almost 3am and nothing is open.. so they drop me off in front of the hospital, I find a bathroom, and they park... Its a big maze to get to Sarah's room, but we finally get in there about 3am or so....
Sarah is sore, having "back labor" and is just trying to rest (ya right) When we got there, she had just finished trying the whirlpool to see if it would help.. it didn't -- Larry and the nurses are doing their best to rub her back and keep her comfortable. We just visited with Sarah and her mom, and chatted for about an hour, then they said that Sarah could have an epidural, so we went to the waiting room. When we got to the waiting room, another storm must have been coming through, really pounding those raindrops into the glass of the windows... I think everyone tried to just get some rest in the chairs while we were waiting.. I was a little to excited to think of sleeping though.. so I just sat and talked with mom off and on, and watched the hubbub that is a busy maternity ward (the nurse told us that all rooms were full that night on labor and delivery) -- finally about 7am we went back into the room with Sarah. Larry explained that they had done one epidural, it didn't work, so they did a second, and between, they tried to keep the room empty so Sarah could rest.. turns out she didn't get much rest, but maybe an hour she said.
So about 8:15 they say it is time that she can start pushing, but they want to do a trial push first to see if she has the hang of what to do etc... My mom and her mom and Larry all there to help her, and she pushes - does great, just what they want to see .. uh oh, she feels very nauseous now, and needs to throw up... the nurses tell her to go ahead .. they say something to her that is funny to me.. I keep thinking about it .. they say " puking is worth about 20 pushes anyway dear" -- lol -- ok, I had never heard of this.. it must be what they DON'T tell you on the baby shows on tv :) --- well, anyway, she gets sick for a few minutes... then her dr comes in and the nurse and the dr are kind of talking and they ask Sarah to lay on her side.. they are looking at something, but we all are not sure what... then they tell her that " the baby didn't like you sitting up like that for so long when you were sick, and her heartrate is down.." so they move her a bit from side to side, and finally find a side that normalizes baby.. they also put oxygen on Sarah... she got mad that the oxygen smelled like plastic, she said it was making her more nauseous.... when the nurse told her that the oxygen is for the baby and not for her, I never heard her complain again about it.. Maybe they should have told her about that from the start.... so now it's about 9:30 and baby is doing better, and they want to try some more pushing... there were a lot more pushes, but not a lot of progress, so they let Sarah rest again. I don't remember much from this time until about 12noon but basically it went... push until you can't handle it anymore, and then take a break cuz baby doesn't like the pushing, and then check again to see if the baby is down far enough, (it wasn't) and then try some more pushing... About noon Sarah's Dr came in and said that she was bringing a specialist in, because the baby keeps having times of stress, and is not down far enough for her regular doctor to just try to help get her out.. they would need a vaccuum to help, or forceps... we were all very worried at this point, as we could see that Sarah had been pushing at this point for 4 hours, probably 3 of it actually hard hard work, and some rest time in there... she was tired, but never really got short with anyone, and didn't show any signs of giving up... she knew the baby needed to come out now, and she was determined to make that happen... so about 12:40 the specialist comes in, and brings with her a team of people.. they all set up, and let Sarah know it is going to be forceps, and it's going to go like this... You push as hard as you ever will in your entire life, and I will pull at the same time, just as hard....
Now, this is the part where I think things were most intense... I knew forceps were used frequently, it wasn't a rare thing, but basically the Dr told Sarah, "I'm either getting her out with this pull, or you are going to have to have a c section.... " -- so we knew the time for "wait and see" was up now.... Once that team was in place and sterile, Sarah gave a huge push, the Dr braced herself against the bed and pulled like it looked like she was going to fly back across the room. At the same time, the dr yelled to the nurse haunched below her to "cut now" -- yup.. not only did Sarah give birth, but she go to get a ton of stitches afterward, while everyone else was getting to enjoy Payton. Payton was born at 12:49 PM Wednesday July 20th 2005 - She weighed 6lbs 7 ozs
I haven't ever been in the room when a baby was being born before. I think I felt things I have never felt before, and this was just my niece, not even my own baby... I have watched a ton of shows where they show you the mom giving birth, but until you are there, and actually see how warn out they are, and how they just keep going, and how Sarah hardly complained.. it was truly miraculous to me to be in that room, sometimes just watching, sometimes holding a leg while she pushed, trying to encourage to push harder keep going.. you can do it... -- I don't know how much of this experience minute by minute Sarah will remember, because she is in a whirlwind, now with a new baby to feed and care for and love at home, but I think I will remember it for the rest of my life. I really feel like I should thank Sarah for letting me be a part of such a personal, wonderful experience... I probably won't tell her though, cuz I'm the emotional gushy one, and she isn't -- so she'd prolly say I was being lame :) :) Gotta love sisters :)
For those playing at home, here are the characters in this story
The people who live in Sioux Falls,
Sarah S - My step sister ( Her mom is Cindy, and her dad is Steve (my step dad) )
Larry C - Sarah's boyfriend, Payton's Dad
Cindy S - Sarah's Mom
People that live in Sioux City,
Steve S - Sarah's Dad ( My step dad)
Gayla S - My mom (Sarah's step mom)
Me - New aunt to Payton :)
Tuesday night, my mom calls me about 10 after ten... she says that Larry called. He and Sarah are going to the hospital, contractions every 6 minutes. My mom asks him to give a call back once they are checked in at the hospital, so that we know for sure "it's time" - and not "first time mom's false alarm" -- so I am elated. She asks " are you going to ride with us and go to see Sarah?" ------ DUH MOM --------- Hello!!!!!! It's ME!!!
So I get dressed, probably smile plastered from ear to ear :) - Jim reminds me that I might have wanted to wait to put jeans and etc on, it may be a false alarm. I was hot in the apt, yes, but I knew that it would be cold at the hospital. So I am dressed, excited, and ready to go :) --- Then, I wait... and wait, and wait.. and finally it's midnight, and no call back, and I can't get ahold of sarah.. so I call my mom and dad... now.. in our family we don't make late night phone calls.. my parents work early in the morning, so they go to bed early.. anyway, I call and my dad picks up on the first ring.. strange ... but he says he hasn't heard anything.. and asks if I have called Sarah's cell... DUH again.. yah, I called about 6 times :) -- so finally I get the main # to the hospital up there, and the nurse gives me the room # ... I call.. no answer... -- finally I get the RIGHT room # and Sarah's mom picks up, says she is in some pain, and is getting medicine, and that the Dr said "the baby will be here today, but I can't say what time" - she thinks we could wait until morning to make the trip.... I call my dad, relay that info, and hang up... then I go to bed, with the phone on my nightstand.. about 20 mins later, Larry calls, said he didn't want to forget to call me, and that he just talked to my dad, and that he got the impression we were going to be on our way... I wish him luck :):) -- hang up with him and call my dad back, they are indeed coming to pick me up - mom's already on her way... I kiss Jimbo goodbye, and run off to catch my ride.. we stop to get some coffee (as it is about 1:20 am :) -- and I tell the convienience store clerk that we are on "baby patrol" and that I am going to be an aunt :) -- he looks unimpressed, but he plays along, wishing us a good safe trip. -- so we get on the road, and start seeing lightning almost the instant we get on the interstate.. It's 85 miles, all interstate, all 75 mph speed limit from Sioux City *where I live now* to Sioux Falls *where Sarah lives* -- so we get going, and about 30 mins into the drive the lightning gives way to rain, hard hard flooding type rain, and then some stiff wind to go along with it. We slow down dramatically, and mom manages to keep us on the road and get us there safely :) -- I on the other hand, almost didn't make it to the hospital, per I drank my entire 20oz of coffee on the trip, and desparately needed a bathroom... its almost 3am and nothing is open.. so they drop me off in front of the hospital, I find a bathroom, and they park... Its a big maze to get to Sarah's room, but we finally get in there about 3am or so....
Sarah is sore, having "back labor" and is just trying to rest (ya right) When we got there, she had just finished trying the whirlpool to see if it would help.. it didn't -- Larry and the nurses are doing their best to rub her back and keep her comfortable. We just visited with Sarah and her mom, and chatted for about an hour, then they said that Sarah could have an epidural, so we went to the waiting room. When we got to the waiting room, another storm must have been coming through, really pounding those raindrops into the glass of the windows... I think everyone tried to just get some rest in the chairs while we were waiting.. I was a little to excited to think of sleeping though.. so I just sat and talked with mom off and on, and watched the hubbub that is a busy maternity ward (the nurse told us that all rooms were full that night on labor and delivery) -- finally about 7am we went back into the room with Sarah. Larry explained that they had done one epidural, it didn't work, so they did a second, and between, they tried to keep the room empty so Sarah could rest.. turns out she didn't get much rest, but maybe an hour she said.
So about 8:15 they say it is time that she can start pushing, but they want to do a trial push first to see if she has the hang of what to do etc... My mom and her mom and Larry all there to help her, and she pushes - does great, just what they want to see .. uh oh, she feels very nauseous now, and needs to throw up... the nurses tell her to go ahead .. they say something to her that is funny to me.. I keep thinking about it .. they say " puking is worth about 20 pushes anyway dear" -- lol -- ok, I had never heard of this.. it must be what they DON'T tell you on the baby shows on tv :) --- well, anyway, she gets sick for a few minutes... then her dr comes in and the nurse and the dr are kind of talking and they ask Sarah to lay on her side.. they are looking at something, but we all are not sure what... then they tell her that " the baby didn't like you sitting up like that for so long when you were sick, and her heartrate is down.." so they move her a bit from side to side, and finally find a side that normalizes baby.. they also put oxygen on Sarah... she got mad that the oxygen smelled like plastic, she said it was making her more nauseous.... when the nurse told her that the oxygen is for the baby and not for her, I never heard her complain again about it.. Maybe they should have told her about that from the start.... so now it's about 9:30 and baby is doing better, and they want to try some more pushing... there were a lot more pushes, but not a lot of progress, so they let Sarah rest again. I don't remember much from this time until about 12noon but basically it went... push until you can't handle it anymore, and then take a break cuz baby doesn't like the pushing, and then check again to see if the baby is down far enough, (it wasn't) and then try some more pushing... About noon Sarah's Dr came in and said that she was bringing a specialist in, because the baby keeps having times of stress, and is not down far enough for her regular doctor to just try to help get her out.. they would need a vaccuum to help, or forceps... we were all very worried at this point, as we could see that Sarah had been pushing at this point for 4 hours, probably 3 of it actually hard hard work, and some rest time in there... she was tired, but never really got short with anyone, and didn't show any signs of giving up... she knew the baby needed to come out now, and she was determined to make that happen... so about 12:40 the specialist comes in, and brings with her a team of people.. they all set up, and let Sarah know it is going to be forceps, and it's going to go like this... You push as hard as you ever will in your entire life, and I will pull at the same time, just as hard....
Now, this is the part where I think things were most intense... I knew forceps were used frequently, it wasn't a rare thing, but basically the Dr told Sarah, "I'm either getting her out with this pull, or you are going to have to have a c section.... " -- so we knew the time for "wait and see" was up now.... Once that team was in place and sterile, Sarah gave a huge push, the Dr braced herself against the bed and pulled like it looked like she was going to fly back across the room. At the same time, the dr yelled to the nurse haunched below her to "cut now" -- yup.. not only did Sarah give birth, but she go to get a ton of stitches afterward, while everyone else was getting to enjoy Payton. Payton was born at 12:49 PM Wednesday July 20th 2005 - She weighed 6lbs 7 ozs
I haven't ever been in the room when a baby was being born before. I think I felt things I have never felt before, and this was just my niece, not even my own baby... I have watched a ton of shows where they show you the mom giving birth, but until you are there, and actually see how warn out they are, and how they just keep going, and how Sarah hardly complained.. it was truly miraculous to me to be in that room, sometimes just watching, sometimes holding a leg while she pushed, trying to encourage to push harder keep going.. you can do it... -- I don't know how much of this experience minute by minute Sarah will remember, because she is in a whirlwind, now with a new baby to feed and care for and love at home, but I think I will remember it for the rest of my life. I really feel like I should thank Sarah for letting me be a part of such a personal, wonderful experience... I probably won't tell her though, cuz I'm the emotional gushy one, and she isn't -- so she'd prolly say I was being lame :) :) Gotta love sisters :)
For those playing at home, here are the characters in this story
The people who live in Sioux Falls,
Sarah S - My step sister ( Her mom is Cindy, and her dad is Steve (my step dad) )
Larry C - Sarah's boyfriend, Payton's Dad
Cindy S - Sarah's Mom
People that live in Sioux City,
Steve S - Sarah's Dad ( My step dad)
Gayla S - My mom (Sarah's step mom)
Me - New aunt to Payton :)
7/18/2005
Wrong again...
I was wrong. Sarah called. She's been busy, and sleeping a ton, and was calling my mom and giving her info cuz she knew that it isn't that good for me to watch a lot of baby shows etc.. so she figured that calling me and filling me in on every detail of her pregnancy wasn't good for me either... so once again, I get all paranoid and freaked out and upset, and it is nothing... well, in this case.. it was someone's attempt to help ME by not giving me the details...
anyway, we talked for almost 2 hrs, and I am all filled in ;) - I am still not sure what to get the little one, but we will think of something cool I am sure :)
It is nice here today..... yup, I said NICE... didn't even have to pull out the words like "hot as hell" or "muggy" or "wet" or ICK --- lol -- finally a cold front goes through and does what it should... cools us off!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
anyway, we talked for almost 2 hrs, and I am all filled in ;) - I am still not sure what to get the little one, but we will think of something cool I am sure :)
It is nice here today..... yup, I said NICE... didn't even have to pull out the words like "hot as hell" or "muggy" or "wet" or ICK --- lol -- finally a cold front goes through and does what it should... cools us off!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
7/17/2005
Guess what I did?
That's right..
*I* got to hold a newborn baby girl.. 3 days old :)
Our upstairs neighbor had her baby Wednesday. I held the little one, and she is very cute of course, and smelled like a baby :) -- and when I held her she stopped crying... (fluke I am sure, but I'll take it ) -- and then I fed her a bit of her bottle. What a sweety. Made my day really.
In other baby news, my step-sister is getting very close to having the baby. She is dialated to
3-4 cm, but not at the hospital.. they are giving her until Thursday, and if she hasn't started contracting more and such, they will induce her. I kind of hope they don' t have to give her the pitocin or anything, cuz I hear that can sometimes make the contractions much more painful. The lady upstairs got to the hospital and had the baby within an hour's time. She had the epidural, and said that nothing really hurt. I hope that things can go that well for Sarah :)
She has an infection a bit though, so she has to do some stuff with some antibiotics, to make sure that the baby has a safe clean place to land ;) lol
Again with my issues. My sister called Wednesday, said she would call back that night. She didn't call. She called my mom on like Thurs night.. gave my mom the lowdown. Again didn't call me. I called her a total of 8 times now, letting her know I was anxious to hear from her, and when I would be around etc. I know know know that she is busy, much busier than I am, and that she is preparing for the arrival of her baby... I get all of that.. but there is a part of me that definitely thinks that this is her way of paying me back because she is upset that we moved to Sioux City (85 miles south) right before she was going to have the baby. Initially I thought it sounded like she wasn't ever going to have me babysit anyway, cuz her so's side of the family is big, and in town, and her mom is in town.. so I figured she wouldn't have me watch the baby unless absolutely everyone was busy. (She is a bit.. well.. I don't know, snobby maybe?) -- so anyway, before we moved, I told her to bring the baby anytime, and she said ok... I didn't think anything of it. Well, when we decided we were moving down here for sure, and told her about it she was upset. So, I guess maybe we didn't know it but she had counted on us babysitting a lot more often.... so now I feel bad about that. And I do wish I was just a trip across town so that I would get to see my (probably) niece often... but you know, we have to do what is right for our family (me, jim, leo) -- so... anyway.. I wish if she WAS upset with me, she would just say it. Just come out and say. I was really counting on you, and now I am hurt that you moved away... but she would never just say that.. evidently she just won't talk to me anymore...?? -- anyway, I called her again today (this time from my moms cell - free minutes) - and she picked up -- and said she was really busy shopping and she would call me at home tonight... so again, I will wait for the phone to ring, so I can chalk it up to I overreacted, and she was very busy.. but I really really feel like she is upset that we moved, and this is how she is going to show it --- Which makes me very sad. I happen to think that I would make a great aunt. But, I guess time will tell.
Anyway, I think I am less cranky now, and I don't know what was up the last week or so. I just felt icky. Just kind of like I hated living in this town cuz Jim is always gone, so I either do nothing, or do things with my mom. Now, don't get me wrong, I love love love spending time with my mom, and would have no problem with doing that every day.. but she isn't the same as my husband, you know what I mean? Ok, I think this is getting too long now... but I just wanted to share all of that :)
Angel Chasse (again)
*I* got to hold a newborn baby girl.. 3 days old :)
Our upstairs neighbor had her baby Wednesday. I held the little one, and she is very cute of course, and smelled like a baby :) -- and when I held her she stopped crying... (fluke I am sure, but I'll take it ) -- and then I fed her a bit of her bottle. What a sweety. Made my day really.
In other baby news, my step-sister is getting very close to having the baby. She is dialated to
3-4 cm, but not at the hospital.. they are giving her until Thursday, and if she hasn't started contracting more and such, they will induce her. I kind of hope they don' t have to give her the pitocin or anything, cuz I hear that can sometimes make the contractions much more painful. The lady upstairs got to the hospital and had the baby within an hour's time. She had the epidural, and said that nothing really hurt. I hope that things can go that well for Sarah :)
She has an infection a bit though, so she has to do some stuff with some antibiotics, to make sure that the baby has a safe clean place to land ;) lol
Again with my issues. My sister called Wednesday, said she would call back that night. She didn't call. She called my mom on like Thurs night.. gave my mom the lowdown. Again didn't call me. I called her a total of 8 times now, letting her know I was anxious to hear from her, and when I would be around etc. I know know know that she is busy, much busier than I am, and that she is preparing for the arrival of her baby... I get all of that.. but there is a part of me that definitely thinks that this is her way of paying me back because she is upset that we moved to Sioux City (85 miles south) right before she was going to have the baby. Initially I thought it sounded like she wasn't ever going to have me babysit anyway, cuz her so's side of the family is big, and in town, and her mom is in town.. so I figured she wouldn't have me watch the baby unless absolutely everyone was busy. (She is a bit.. well.. I don't know, snobby maybe?) -- so anyway, before we moved, I told her to bring the baby anytime, and she said ok... I didn't think anything of it. Well, when we decided we were moving down here for sure, and told her about it she was upset. So, I guess maybe we didn't know it but she had counted on us babysitting a lot more often.... so now I feel bad about that. And I do wish I was just a trip across town so that I would get to see my (probably) niece often... but you know, we have to do what is right for our family (me, jim, leo) -- so... anyway.. I wish if she WAS upset with me, she would just say it. Just come out and say. I was really counting on you, and now I am hurt that you moved away... but she would never just say that.. evidently she just won't talk to me anymore...?? -- anyway, I called her again today (this time from my moms cell - free minutes) - and she picked up -- and said she was really busy shopping and she would call me at home tonight... so again, I will wait for the phone to ring, so I can chalk it up to I overreacted, and she was very busy.. but I really really feel like she is upset that we moved, and this is how she is going to show it --- Which makes me very sad. I happen to think that I would make a great aunt. But, I guess time will tell.
Anyway, I think I am less cranky now, and I don't know what was up the last week or so. I just felt icky. Just kind of like I hated living in this town cuz Jim is always gone, so I either do nothing, or do things with my mom. Now, don't get me wrong, I love love love spending time with my mom, and would have no problem with doing that every day.. but she isn't the same as my husband, you know what I mean? Ok, I think this is getting too long now... but I just wanted to share all of that :)
Angel Chasse (again)
7/14/2005
Nothing much...
I don't have a lot to say, I just want to make it a habit to keep this blog up. It seems if I don't blog for a week or more, I forget the things that I want to talk about... LOL ...
Sunburn is mostly over, except the part at the top of my arms, where the arms meet the torso. Graphic explanation I know.. lol.. but I sleep on my side... almost exclusively.. how do I know this? Because I can't hardly sleep now that I can't lay that way. Urgh.. Damn the sun Damn the sun!!
I have a ton of shows I love to watch now.
Strong Medicine ( Lifetime ) 3pm every day they just showed last year's season, and now they started over with the first season - so I will get to catch up ;)
The Nanny (Lifetime) 4-5pm and 11-12pm and 10am etc.. on all the time.. I never really liked this when it was on tv, but now that it is in reruns, I like it a lot.
Of course, I am addicted just like I always have been, to food tv .. Rachael Ray is my favorite :)
Let's see.. now I like the CSI's as well, and I love that House MD show on Fox
That about does it for tv shows I am wild about.. :):)
What else is going on with me? Not a lot. I am excited to see my new (probably) niece, or nephew.. Sarah is due at the end of this month. I am really excited, but at the same time, very nervous, cuz she doesn't call me (I blogged about this before..) - Well, I take that back, she did call yesterday and said she would call back last night. She hasn't called.. but I guess she is probably much more busy than I am. I guess that is something I need to get used to. That I am never really busy, and most everyone else I know is very busy.
I also need to get over being cranky. I know it is nothing that Jim is doing that is different than usual but lately, I just feel like I am so naggy, but I can't not be that way.. It is ticking me off to have to go around every day 2 or 3 times a day to pick up after him. It's little things, and I know that he works and I don't, so I should be doing it happily, but it's not really the picking up, its more that I feel like he doesn't have even enough respect for me to keep things nice, or that he only cares about being on his computer or ipaq, or working, and doesn't have the "time" to be picking stuff up. I mean, its just stuff, that needs to be cleaned, or done, or picked up off the floor.. or I don't know.. I just have issues. I keep thinking that he doesn't have to really "care" about housecleaning and crap, but he should care, that if he leaves wet towels around.. that they don't pick themselves up, that "I" have to do it.. again, not that big of a deal. Little stuff. But seeeeeee.... this all goes back to the thing that I have --- I take everything so personally. Like, it can't be that Jim doesn't care about how clean the house is... it has to be that he doesn't want to do it so that I will have to do it.. and that he doesn't care about what I do here when he is gone etc.... see see see... ISSUES..... so, again, I am not a freak about cleanliness, our house is picked up most times at best best best.... so.. it't not like that... but... I keep nagging him about it, and getting upset over little things.. ick ick ick ick ... I gotta get over this crapola!!!!!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
Sunburn is mostly over, except the part at the top of my arms, where the arms meet the torso. Graphic explanation I know.. lol.. but I sleep on my side... almost exclusively.. how do I know this? Because I can't hardly sleep now that I can't lay that way. Urgh.. Damn the sun Damn the sun!!
I have a ton of shows I love to watch now.
Strong Medicine ( Lifetime ) 3pm every day they just showed last year's season, and now they started over with the first season - so I will get to catch up ;)
The Nanny (Lifetime) 4-5pm and 11-12pm and 10am etc.. on all the time.. I never really liked this when it was on tv, but now that it is in reruns, I like it a lot.
Of course, I am addicted just like I always have been, to food tv .. Rachael Ray is my favorite :)
Let's see.. now I like the CSI's as well, and I love that House MD show on Fox
That about does it for tv shows I am wild about.. :):)
What else is going on with me? Not a lot. I am excited to see my new (probably) niece, or nephew.. Sarah is due at the end of this month. I am really excited, but at the same time, very nervous, cuz she doesn't call me (I blogged about this before..) - Well, I take that back, she did call yesterday and said she would call back last night. She hasn't called.. but I guess she is probably much more busy than I am. I guess that is something I need to get used to. That I am never really busy, and most everyone else I know is very busy.
I also need to get over being cranky. I know it is nothing that Jim is doing that is different than usual but lately, I just feel like I am so naggy, but I can't not be that way.. It is ticking me off to have to go around every day 2 or 3 times a day to pick up after him. It's little things, and I know that he works and I don't, so I should be doing it happily, but it's not really the picking up, its more that I feel like he doesn't have even enough respect for me to keep things nice, or that he only cares about being on his computer or ipaq, or working, and doesn't have the "time" to be picking stuff up. I mean, its just stuff, that needs to be cleaned, or done, or picked up off the floor.. or I don't know.. I just have issues. I keep thinking that he doesn't have to really "care" about housecleaning and crap, but he should care, that if he leaves wet towels around.. that they don't pick themselves up, that "I" have to do it.. again, not that big of a deal. Little stuff. But seeeeeee.... this all goes back to the thing that I have --- I take everything so personally. Like, it can't be that Jim doesn't care about how clean the house is... it has to be that he doesn't want to do it so that I will have to do it.. and that he doesn't care about what I do here when he is gone etc.... see see see... ISSUES..... so, again, I am not a freak about cleanliness, our house is picked up most times at best best best.... so.. it't not like that... but... I keep nagging him about it, and getting upset over little things.. ick ick ick ick ... I gotta get over this crapola!!!!!!!!
Angel Chasse (again)
7/11/2005
Sunburned...again
I am not a sun lover. I am not a summer lover. I am a fall/winter girl.. I always look at it this way... It is easier for me to warm up with a blankie or hot drink than it is for me to cool down. There are only so many clothes that you can take off. Now, I am a big girl, to say the least, and I hate wearing shorts in public. I just do. This summer though, I have been wearing them a ton, cuz the A/C that we have in our house isn't powerful enough for the whole place, so it is always somewhat warm in here on the hot hot days *which have been many* -- so I threw " I look like a beached whale in shorts" aside, and have been wearing them all summer :)
Yesterday went to a car show with my mom.. I won't get into it much, other than to say that my mom's little truck won first in it's class, and I am badly sunburned. Jim told me.. that this would happen. But honestly, we would move into the shade whenever the shade moved, we moved.. but... towards the end of our day outside, there was no more shade.. so... not much sleep last night for me. I hate that. I need a lot of sleep. I just do. So for me getting like 2 hrs is like not having slept at all.. I have full faith that my very normal capable amazing husband can do life on 2 hrs sleep, but I can't. And I am sore... so I wanted to update my blog, and then I am going back to the chair that I have been in all day.
Our landlord came to put down some spray today for spiders and bugs in general, so the cat is locked in the bedroom, where the A/C is.. and will be that way for another hour.. but it is making the rest of the apartment hotter than usual. Plus, I am radiating a lot of heat myself, so that does not help much ;) " Is it me, or is it hot in here??" LOL
I am going to buy some Mary Kay lip gloss. Now, I am the least girly person anyone has probably ever met... but, I have convinced myself (I think) that if I do little things to dress up more, or feel "pretty" or what ever, that I wll feel good about myself. I don't know that it will work, and I don't like that there is shoping and buying things involved in it.. but we will see.. I can not wait til winter is here... We don't have a bathtub in this apt.. shower only, but my mom has a house with 3 bathrooms now, that means 3 tubs... and I will be taking baths over there, I have warned her of this already :) -- I love my mom, and I really love spending all the time with her that I have been spending.. but it doesn't make up for the fact that Jim has gone back to work, and I miss him a LOT when he is gone... don't know why I can't just get over that one.. but it is prolly cuz before when he worked full time, so did I.. so I didn't have as much time to miss him.... anyway this is getting long and rambly now, so I am going to go and find a movie or a show to watch :)
PS - My mom gave me a copy of tim mcgraw's "live like you were dying" cd. I like a lot of the songs on it. One thing I didn't know though, was that he doesn't write his own music.. that kind of bummed me out, but I still think he is a good singer I guess :)
Angel Chasse (again)
Yesterday went to a car show with my mom.. I won't get into it much, other than to say that my mom's little truck won first in it's class, and I am badly sunburned. Jim told me.. that this would happen. But honestly, we would move into the shade whenever the shade moved, we moved.. but... towards the end of our day outside, there was no more shade.. so... not much sleep last night for me. I hate that. I need a lot of sleep. I just do. So for me getting like 2 hrs is like not having slept at all.. I have full faith that my very normal capable amazing husband can do life on 2 hrs sleep, but I can't. And I am sore... so I wanted to update my blog, and then I am going back to the chair that I have been in all day.
Our landlord came to put down some spray today for spiders and bugs in general, so the cat is locked in the bedroom, where the A/C is.. and will be that way for another hour.. but it is making the rest of the apartment hotter than usual. Plus, I am radiating a lot of heat myself, so that does not help much ;) " Is it me, or is it hot in here??" LOL
I am going to buy some Mary Kay lip gloss. Now, I am the least girly person anyone has probably ever met... but, I have convinced myself (I think) that if I do little things to dress up more, or feel "pretty" or what ever, that I wll feel good about myself. I don't know that it will work, and I don't like that there is shoping and buying things involved in it.. but we will see.. I can not wait til winter is here... We don't have a bathtub in this apt.. shower only, but my mom has a house with 3 bathrooms now, that means 3 tubs... and I will be taking baths over there, I have warned her of this already :) -- I love my mom, and I really love spending all the time with her that I have been spending.. but it doesn't make up for the fact that Jim has gone back to work, and I miss him a LOT when he is gone... don't know why I can't just get over that one.. but it is prolly cuz before when he worked full time, so did I.. so I didn't have as much time to miss him.... anyway this is getting long and rambly now, so I am going to go and find a movie or a show to watch :)
PS - My mom gave me a copy of tim mcgraw's "live like you were dying" cd. I like a lot of the songs on it. One thing I didn't know though, was that he doesn't write his own music.. that kind of bummed me out, but I still think he is a good singer I guess :)
Angel Chasse (again)
7/07/2005
Terrorism
What is this world coming to? Waking up and turning on the news channel is not that great anymore. Not for me anyway. How do people hear all of this going on with the world and not feel overwhelmed with hopelessness and 'why why why'
I feel so bad for the people of London.. I mean holy cats, you are on the subway, or on a double decker bus, probably going to work for the day.. and whammo -- some extremist group somewhere trying to make their point blows you up.... what the heck is that? My prayers are with you.
Is there not any other way to get a point across, short of making sure some humans that share your planet with you are murdered? Is the world living with a fear in the back of their minds a GOOD thing to you people? I mean, holy crap. I know I have my issues, anyone who knows me knows the same, but how the heck do people rationalize killing other people for no other reason than to make a point, or to strike fear? I don't get it.
I also don't know what the correct balance is. Sometimes I think that I need to never ever watch the news again, and be ignorant to anything going on, because I get upset and have so many feelings about what I do hear and see is going on in the world. But, I can't seem to do that, because I don't want to be ignorant, or ignore things going on around me. But how do people continue to go on, day after day, when all that seems to be on the news is bad news, about people with evil in their hearts and minds... child abduction and abuses... terrorism... murder... corporate corruption.... war agreed to and allowed -- on a preface that we had facts.. when really we had lies, fabrications, and exaggerations... I don't know.. I am not a church going person, but I imagine (and the hubby even brought it up) that in these times, many Christian groups have to be thinking that the end times are coming.... geesh.... I know, I know.. I need to chill, and calm down, and focus on the positive......... I wish it was as easy as saying those words...
Take care everyone who might be reading this
Angel Chasse (again)
I feel so bad for the people of London.. I mean holy cats, you are on the subway, or on a double decker bus, probably going to work for the day.. and whammo -- some extremist group somewhere trying to make their point blows you up.... what the heck is that? My prayers are with you.
Is there not any other way to get a point across, short of making sure some humans that share your planet with you are murdered? Is the world living with a fear in the back of their minds a GOOD thing to you people? I mean, holy crap. I know I have my issues, anyone who knows me knows the same, but how the heck do people rationalize killing other people for no other reason than to make a point, or to strike fear? I don't get it.
I also don't know what the correct balance is. Sometimes I think that I need to never ever watch the news again, and be ignorant to anything going on, because I get upset and have so many feelings about what I do hear and see is going on in the world. But, I can't seem to do that, because I don't want to be ignorant, or ignore things going on around me. But how do people continue to go on, day after day, when all that seems to be on the news is bad news, about people with evil in their hearts and minds... child abduction and abuses... terrorism... murder... corporate corruption.... war agreed to and allowed -- on a preface that we had facts.. when really we had lies, fabrications, and exaggerations... I don't know.. I am not a church going person, but I imagine (and the hubby even brought it up) that in these times, many Christian groups have to be thinking that the end times are coming.... geesh.... I know, I know.. I need to chill, and calm down, and focus on the positive......... I wish it was as easy as saying those words...
Take care everyone who might be reading this
Angel Chasse (again)
7/06/2005
July 6th 2005....
Three things come to mind about today's date.
1. Tristan (Our Nephew) - It's his 12th birthday today
2. George W Bush - Tristan shares his birthday with our president.. Lucky him (/sarcasm)
3. Cruise day! Not Tommy... No, rfamily cruise starts soon!! :) Next year they are going up the west coast from Seattle (I think) and going through Alaska.. I hope that Rosie and her family and all of those cruisers have a WONDERFUL time... but something tells me that they will :)
Jim is gone all day today - 11am to 7pm. At the McJob - I McMiss him :)
I need to make some phone calls, my sister, and Tristan. I want to call my sister, and hope she is doing well, and everything is going along ok with the pregnancy. It won't be long til I have a new little nephew or niece. Which reminds me, we had better pick out a unique and cool baby gift. Anyone with ideas on baby gifts, you'll have to enlighten me ;) -- but here is my deal. I don't know WHY I have to be like this.. but I am ... now.. we don't have long distance on our phone. So we have to have a phone card to call anyone out of town. Not a big deal. But Sarah has really only called me once since I moved here more than a month ago. I know that she is probably way more busy than I am, so I get that. But, she does have free minutes on her cell phone every night, and every weekend, and I know that when she works, she used to call me cuz she would get bored. I wonder if she isn't a little mad at me since we moved here right before she is going to have the baby. But, we did have good reason to move here, for Jim's school. I guess I put off telling her cuz I knew that she would be upset and I was trying to avoid her getting upset with me... but anyway.. I wonder how much she would actually bring over the baby for me to babysit anyway.. I know in her mind, my things, and my life does not quite measure up to her standards. I need to stop letting stupid stuff like this get to me, but I sure can't.. urgh.. anyway, I love Sarah, and I will love my new nephew or niece more than you can probably imagine, and I will be there for her any time and any way that I can. I fool myself sometimes into thinking that I would be useful to other people. I don't know why I do that, because when it comes down to it, no one needs me or depends on me for anything... ok.. sounds dramatic. I know that Jim loves me, and he wants me in his life, and my family loves me too. But when it comes down to it, I don't do anything for them. You know, how in most families, you have one person that is always there for cooking, or the one who does baking, or the one who organizes all the family get togethers, or the one who keeps everyone informed, or the one who is the emotional support, or the one who is... well, I don't know how to say it.. but I am not any of those helper people to my family. I just show up, visit, eat, clean up, leave... I don't know. I suppose I am just complaining.
Maybe it is this dumb summer chest cold. It feels like I have tiny little baby lungs, cuz when I take a big breath, it hurts like heck... It will go away soon :) And, Jim has the next 2 days off after today :) that is coooooool :) I guess I am done complaining for today. If you took the time to read this, here is some chocolate as payment :):):)
Angel Chasse (again)
1. Tristan (Our Nephew) - It's his 12th birthday today
2. George W Bush - Tristan shares his birthday with our president.. Lucky him (/sarcasm)
3. Cruise day! Not Tommy... No, rfamily cruise starts soon!! :) Next year they are going up the west coast from Seattle (I think) and going through Alaska.. I hope that Rosie and her family and all of those cruisers have a WONDERFUL time... but something tells me that they will :)
Jim is gone all day today - 11am to 7pm. At the McJob - I McMiss him :)
I need to make some phone calls, my sister, and Tristan. I want to call my sister, and hope she is doing well, and everything is going along ok with the pregnancy. It won't be long til I have a new little nephew or niece. Which reminds me, we had better pick out a unique and cool baby gift. Anyone with ideas on baby gifts, you'll have to enlighten me ;) -- but here is my deal. I don't know WHY I have to be like this.. but I am ... now.. we don't have long distance on our phone. So we have to have a phone card to call anyone out of town. Not a big deal. But Sarah has really only called me once since I moved here more than a month ago. I know that she is probably way more busy than I am, so I get that. But, she does have free minutes on her cell phone every night, and every weekend, and I know that when she works, she used to call me cuz she would get bored. I wonder if she isn't a little mad at me since we moved here right before she is going to have the baby. But, we did have good reason to move here, for Jim's school. I guess I put off telling her cuz I knew that she would be upset and I was trying to avoid her getting upset with me... but anyway.. I wonder how much she would actually bring over the baby for me to babysit anyway.. I know in her mind, my things, and my life does not quite measure up to her standards. I need to stop letting stupid stuff like this get to me, but I sure can't.. urgh.. anyway, I love Sarah, and I will love my new nephew or niece more than you can probably imagine, and I will be there for her any time and any way that I can. I fool myself sometimes into thinking that I would be useful to other people. I don't know why I do that, because when it comes down to it, no one needs me or depends on me for anything... ok.. sounds dramatic. I know that Jim loves me, and he wants me in his life, and my family loves me too. But when it comes down to it, I don't do anything for them. You know, how in most families, you have one person that is always there for cooking, or the one who does baking, or the one who organizes all the family get togethers, or the one who keeps everyone informed, or the one who is the emotional support, or the one who is... well, I don't know how to say it.. but I am not any of those helper people to my family. I just show up, visit, eat, clean up, leave... I don't know. I suppose I am just complaining.
Maybe it is this dumb summer chest cold. It feels like I have tiny little baby lungs, cuz when I take a big breath, it hurts like heck... It will go away soon :) And, Jim has the next 2 days off after today :) that is coooooool :) I guess I am done complaining for today. If you took the time to read this, here is some chocolate as payment :):):)
Angel Chasse (again)
7/03/2005
1000
I have had 1000 hits (according to my counter) on this blog. I wonder who is reading? I wonder what they call think? Hrm... then again, maybe I don't want to know what EVERYONE who reads thinks :) LOL - Just kiddin.. it's muggggggy here.. but what do I expect.. 3rd of July in Iowa... go figure...
I didn't have a lot to post about today, just watched the news a bit, and that was depressing.. so many people missing, killed, hurt, messed up.. Not a lot of good news on the news these days. I can't wait til Jimbo gets home tonight. I am not adjusted yet to him having a job, and being gone during the evenings. I got used to having him around all of the time..
On another subject, I have a summer cold. I hate those. I am a snot factory.. I know.. TMI TMI!!
I don't think we are doing anything for the 4th.. I have no energy, and Jim is going to fix a friend's computer, and then has to work from 5-10 again, so that pretty much covers 4th of July :)
I think it is naptime for me....
Angel Chasse (again)
I didn't have a lot to post about today, just watched the news a bit, and that was depressing.. so many people missing, killed, hurt, messed up.. Not a lot of good news on the news these days. I can't wait til Jimbo gets home tonight. I am not adjusted yet to him having a job, and being gone during the evenings. I got used to having him around all of the time..
On another subject, I have a summer cold. I hate those. I am a snot factory.. I know.. TMI TMI!!
I don't think we are doing anything for the 4th.. I have no energy, and Jim is going to fix a friend's computer, and then has to work from 5-10 again, so that pretty much covers 4th of July :)
I think it is naptime for me....
Angel Chasse (again)
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