Friends....

Sunday, April 9th 2006 949pm

Friends.....can't live with them, can't.........


Ok, I have come to the conclusion that I am a horrible friend. And I am horrible at the whole process of being someone's friend. I have some online friends, and for the most part, I don't do too bad with the back and forth of friendship there.

Maybe the fact that I don't like to go out and about much anymore, and am always nervous, and hate being around new people, has a lot to do with my not being a good friend, but I am not really sure if it is just that.

I *want* people to like me, I really do. I *want* to have friends. But, I feel all icky, like I am going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, or embarrass them, or me... so then I stop going out and doing things with them, and I stop returning their calls, or picking up when they do call. I start obsessing over how lame I am, and how I should just go and see them, and do stuff with them etc...

I did this with 2 of my best friends.. well, more than that but these two in particular. Shannon and Shelly. I was close with them, they seemed to get me, and I seemed to get them. Then it started. Shannon moved away, then came back to the town I lived in. She called, and asked me to come over and just hang out etc... I did it like... 2 times.. total. In about a year... the rest of the time I wouldn't pick up the phone, and I was freaking out.. what would I say, what would I do, etc.... urgh.. so now she lives across the country, and I don't see her at all. :( big mistake there, she is a great person!!
Shelly, same thing. I had all the time in the world to hang out with her and become even better friends, but instead I stayed home, and made excuses for why I shouldn't go hang out. *I really am lame sometimes... truly*

I just think it is INSANE to not spend time with people that you like. I also think it is lame that being my friend should be WORK for the other person. Just ask my husband. Being my husband is about the most work one person can do... geesh...
I am not sure why I am posting this, I guess just to vent, and to get it out there... if anyone is reading this, don't alienate your friends... be a good friend. It's good for you I think.... I just need to take my own advice. But, that will come with time I suppose... we'll see

What else is new? Oh, it's been pretty warm out, and I hate that, cuz it signals that SUMMER is on it's way.... ICK..sweating is NOT cool ;)

I am now also addicted to "Family Guy" -- the little baby Stewie on that show is FUNNNNNY.... but anyway... it's late, and I should quit babbling now.... Take care everyone :)


Angel Chasse (again)