10/22/2005

To Sarah...

10/22/05 Saturday

The people that I used to see all the time when I was in the hospital a time ago, always said that if something is really bothering you, and you can't put it out of your mind, and you don't think that you can say anything to those people, that you should write them a letter, and tell them what you wish you could say to them.. Hopefully, they are right, and I will feel better after writing this... here goes...

To Sarah,
I know that you and I were not born sisters, and I understand that our lives and the things we do in our lives are very different. I know that you have the choice to hang out with me, and to have me as part of your life, and you have the choice not to. I realize I am not the most stable person in the world, and I can imagine that some of the things that you know about me make you not want to be near me.

I also understand that when I needed my friends and family, back in 2000, and I told you and the rest of the people in my life how I felt like I had never measured up to their expectations, and I never really felt that anyone spent time with me because they wanted to, only because they felt obligated to, you told me that you didn't see it that way, and you wouldn't ever do that. We became (I thought) a lot closer, and had many long talks, and many coffees, and many bitch sessions with one another. Like sisters did, I thought. You came to my aid, and even took me to visit our parents when you knew it would help me feel happy. You never asked me for money to go, and never let me feel guilty that you took care of me on those trips, my self, and my soul. We talked and talked, and got closer and closer (I thought). I tried my best to listen to you, and give you any advice I had to give, good or bad I don't know. I really started to feel like you wanted me around, and to be a part of your life. It felt good. Really good. Jim always commented on how I was so talkative and in good spirits when I got home after a trip that we had taken. I really loved spending that time, just you and I.

When you told the family that you were pregnant, at Thanksgiving last year, I was SO happy for you, so happy for Larry and You. I was ecstatic. I knew you were scared, but I knew that you would give this baby 110% of your love. There would be tough times, but you would do great, and when you had questions, I assumed that your mom would be there with bells on, ready to help you take on this new role as an expert. I was scared for you too, because I knew that you were scared, and that couldn't feel good. But in the end, I knew that you were capable, and you would get things done. We even joked one time that your only job, was to "make sure you don't kill the kid" - Joking of course..

I was so excited to be going with Mom and Steve to Sioux Falls when you were in labor. I never thought I would actually be in the room with you all that time, and get to witness the birth of Peyton. It was life changing for me. You dealt with the pain, and the sickness, and all the people and the pressure so well. My hero at that moment :)

I knew that you would be overwhelmed, and overworked, and sleep deprived when Peyton was born. I knew that I would not be a priority with you, and I never expected to be one. I knew that your attentions needed to be on yourself, and Larry and Peyton. You are a family, and you need to take care of them #1. I didn't expect though, that Jim and I moving here to Sioux City in May would have such an impact on you. I knew that you said you wanted me to babysit, but really, I didn't figure that you would have us babysit that often. You have your mom, and some of Larry's family that you trusted, and I figured that you would only use us as a "last resort" babysitter. I didn't figure that our little apartment there would be a place you would want Peyton to sepnd that much time at. I guess I am starting to think that I was wrong on those things. I want to believe that you are just too busy to return my calls. I want to believe that you want to talk to me, but you just don't have the time. I want to believe that when I called you and let you know we were in town, and would love to have seen you, that you were out of town, or didnt get my messages, or something. I really want to believe these things because it really hurts to think that right now you are upset at me for moving, and not being there for you and peyton, and that your punishment for those things that I have done is to just completely stop talking to me, unless I am with Mom or Steve, or I suppose at holidays when you happen to be at their house. I want to think that you love me like a sister, and that you understand that our moving here was for the good of our family, Me and Jim, and it was something that we needed to do. I want to believe that you know that I wouldn't choose to abandon on a whim, and that I would help you any way that I could, even from 85 miles away. I want to think that you will start calling just to talk once you have more time. I want to think that you are not upset and punishing me for not being there for you.. I guess time will tell how this story plays out..
Either:

A> I am paranoid, and things with us were always fine.. no big deal, just me freaking
B> You are mad, and you will continue to be, for who knows how long, and I will miss this time with you, and this time of Peyton growing up, except of course when you are here to visit your dad, and want to keep peace, so you will be nice to me

Either way, I guess I just wanted you to know that I love you, and that I miss you, and that if I have upset you, it was not intentional. I love Peyton too, and I really hope to be a part of her life and of yours.

Love,
Angel

10/18/2005

Nightly News.. Katrina

Wow!
I was just watching the nightly news, and there was a lady (Ms. Marcus) on who was starting demolition of her flooded home. Very sad, very sad.. Then my jaw dropped because of what she had to say next..

“Had someone stayed there and manned the pumps,” says Marcus, “you would not be looking at my house like this, and that's what hurts.”

Here is what I do not understand. I am very saddened that this woman and her family lost their home to the flood. It is tragic, and I can not even START to say that I know how she feels, and I can not tell her how she should feel.

BUT....

Basically, if I am understanding this correctly... she believes that the HUMAN BEINGS that were in charge of the pumping stations should have stayed at their posts and died so that her home would not have been flooded out? -- Now, I really do understand that she may be angry, and frustrated, and just needing someone to blame for this.. a name or face to blame this on..

HOWEVER...
Does a tragedy like Katrina give people the right to say that people should have been expected to possibly DIE protecting their property for them??

I will post the link to this article (I watched it on tv, but this is word for word the same) -- And, anyone reading this... if you think I am misunderstanding this, be sure to correct me, but, oh man, I can not seem to see it any other way than to see that people brought a class action lawsuit against their parish for allowing pump operators to evacuate the night before the storm hit......

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9743893/

SAD....

Angel Chasse (again)

10/10/2005

A little hope in South Dakota

I used to live in Sioux Falls SD, and still read their local news website daily at
www.keloland.com

Tonight when I pulled it up, I found this article. I know that I get a lot of "feel good" messages in email, and sometimes I look them up on sites like www.snopes.com and they are not true at all, or only parts of them are true.

With the below story, I am fairly certain it is true, as it is from KELO TV, and not from the 122,222,444,444 th person to forward it to me on the web..

A little light in a sometimes too dark world for me...

Here is the link to the article: ( I found out it is breaking copyright laws to post it in it's entirety at my blog ;) I want to post it here so I can remember it for a while to come :

http://www.keloland.com/News/NewsDetail5440.cfm?ID=0,43121

Enjoy.. more from me later :)

Angel Chasse (again)

10/07/2005

It's Been Awhile...

So,
I was just looking back and it has been a long while since I blogged.
I am still here, and still kickin :)
Not a lot going on. Jim has his classes, and we have wacky (read: ANNOYING) upstairs neighbors now. Hopefully they won't be there much longer, but when it starts to wake me up at night (the noise that they make) - then I get mad.
I entered to contests. One was on Rosie's Blog, to win tickets to see her in Fiddler On The Roof on Broadway, and the other one was to see Emeril at a taping of his show.. LOL - that makes me think I am celebrity obsessed. Really, I don't feel like I am, but I do love Rosie, and Emeril, and Rachael Ray.. among others. They seem to me to be "real" - they are famous, and known, but they still remain as normal as you can be with that kind of fame.
I got a cd from the HAM radio operator that spent a week with us in Pearl River, and it had some good pictures on it. I will have to post them to my Flickr account, so that other people can see them.
Is it bad that now when I see those "heartwarming" emails that everyone sends as chain mail... When I see those now, I immediately want to go to www.snopes.com or another such site and find out if the stories are for real, and of course about 99% of them that I have looked up are not real at all. URGH.. no need to make up heartwarming stories and send them on. Tell a REAL story of something that you did, or saw happen, and pass that along.. and for HEAVEN'S SAKES, don't put "your luck will change at 11:11 pm when your phone rings with good news, but only if you foward this on to about 100000000 people that already have enough spam" -URGH

Anyway. I also have a 6week picture of my niece Peyton, and I will scan that this weekend and post it on flickr as well.
I just noticed that I have not even been reading people's blogs daily like I was. Jim is at home more, and when he is home, I don't always want to spend much time on the net. So, I am sure as the colder weather sets in, I will be back to my net loving self, but for right now, hanging out with Jimbo and going places and doing stuff is fun :)


OH and a huge PS..
Once a klutz, always a klutz.. I am TWENTY-SEVEN years old, and I FELL DOWN the other day. We have some cement stairs that lead from our house, like 3 stairs, then a small landing, then 3 more.. well, I turned around to admire the neigbor's baby, and just stepped off the stair, and plop fell right on the concrete. My leg is sore, but other than that just my pride was hurt :)
So anway.. I never thought I would fall down at the age of 27. I feel so dumb. I thought that I did a much better job of paying attention, but I guess on that day, the baby got the best of me :)

Angel Chasse (again)