I think I had another post one time about being too tired.
I am tired... like the physical kind, from not getting a good night's sleep, and the other kind..
From mind racing, thoughts crashing into one another. Trying to pay attention when someone I love is talking to me, trying to not listen to the voices... trying to not nag at Jim, trying to stay in a good mood. (Failing at those)
It just seems like a siege, a war inside my head, me wanting to read stuff and do stuff, and my mind firing off all these remarks about what a loser I am, and the paranoid thoughts.
Ha, I just thought about something, that if anyone reads this, they will probably think I am crazy... I would like to say I am :) lol -- nah, not schizophrenic, if that is what you are thinking...
But, I have issues.. and they are sometimes a lot to think about, or should I say a lot to try not to think about. Seems every year near my birthday I find myself looking back on my year and wondering how things went, and how things will go from here.
I need to find a new dr, to do my meds, and therapist and stuff.. - guess I will just pull money out of my ear for all of that :)
I just need to stop having mood swings, and feeling like everyone is out to get me, and starting fights over nothing, at the drop of a hat I feel sad, and like crying.. I need to stop these voices that I hear in my head, and teach myself how to not notice them... I need to do a lot of things.. oh yeah, I have a lack of motivation too to go along with all that ;) - so that is a great combo!!!
Ok, on a lighter note, today is my step-sister Sarah's 27th bday (we are 4 days apart) - and she brought Peyton down so we could hold her and love her up today :) - I posted a picture of Jim holding her for the first time on my Flickr - She is adjusting to motherhood really well, and I am so proud of her!!!!
And, as usual... Jim is being great, and putting up with me, and always being nice to me even when I am not nice to him, and I wish I had a gazillion dollars to give him for putting up with me... and still loving me on top of it all.....
It is a bumpy road, but I am sure one of these days I will get a 4 wheel drive, so I can manage :)
Angel Chasse ( again)
1 comment:
Hey Angel,
I was visiting again and wanted to tell you that there are a few ways that you can access good medical care. If you are looking for a therapist, you can call your local county psychological association. Many doctors offer pro bono or sliding scale fee services and you can ask for the list of therapists who do that. The same can be done for psychiatrists, usually they are listed in a town or county medical association. Once you find a doctor there, you can access medication, perhaps for free, by checking into www.needymeds.com/indices/applications.shtml.
I hope this helps.
~ Deborah
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