What do I believe?

Wow,
I never thought that the guy that made that movie called "super size me" would bring any thought to my life...
See, when I was younger, like 10 years ago or so, I started going to church.. I went every Sunday. I even went although my parents did not. They did not really find organized religion to be something they were interested in. I went, and one day I broke down, and the pastor spent probably 4-5 hours answering the questions that I had about being Baptist, about being a Christian, about the Bible.. etc etc... I listened, and planned to join the church, become a member... I went for another 4-5 months, and when it came time to join, I chickened out.. something about it did not seem right to me, but to this day I can't put my finger on any one thing.. It just didn't feel right to me, I didn't have all the answers I needed....

So fast forward to last night, watching a show on FX channel, called "30 days" - They were sending a farm boy college graduate from Michigan to live in the Castro District of San Fransico. I take it that the 30 days was to see if his ideas about homosexual men would change.. when he lived at home in Michigan, he felt that homosexuality was biblically wrong, and a sin. He didn't think that homosexual men should serve in the Army reserves with him either....

This kind of brings me to my quandry.....
who is right? Those that take the Bible literally, or those that see it as merely a book of parable stories to keep us doing more right than wrong...
I know that there are parts of the Bible that say a man should not lay with another man.. But, the bible also says eye for an eye - so which parts do you pick out and decide that you are going to live your life by? And, are you supposed to believe that we should treat others badly or outcast them because they sin this way? The way I understood it (might be mistaken) -- is that a sin is a sin is a sin.... they are not ranked from bad to really bad to really really evil....
I guess I don't really feel that I would want to be part of any religion that condemns others for their sex life... I guess I could be described as "confused" -- there are so many other questions that I have... I guess I am not a person who does "blind faith" well....
So Jim's advice for me is to sit down with several different pastors/clergy, and see if now that it is 10 years later, I get any answers I can understand, or better deal with...
I think it is a great idea, except right now I feel like with all that is always goin on in my head, that I could be susceptable to taking someone else's view of what is right and wrong, and adopting it to be my own...
Sometimes I feel that organized religion is simply brainwashing in a simple form....
I mean, you go there, they pick out certain snipets of the bible.. they tell you how to interpret it... and then you base your religion for the most part on what the pastor has told you..
I just really think that it seems wrong to pick and choose.. if you are going to believe that the bible is a writing to be taken literally, you shoudln't be able to pick and choose what parts of it you want to apply to your life... that cant be right.. at least to me...

So, as anyone reading this can probably tell, not only do I hear voices more frequently in my head that are not really there, and not only do I get depressed and pissed off, and suicidal, and crabby and lazy and f#c#ed up.. but now I am not even sure if I believe in God, or if I do ( I think I do) - what role he should play in my life, URGH URGH URGH...

On a side note, I personally think that homosexuality is NOT a CHOICE but something that you are born being --- like.. you either have freckles, or you don't, and you have blue eyes or you don't... and I don't think that ANYONE should be treated badly because of who they choose to spend their life with and love.. .Love is Love.. Kindness is Kindness.. People are People... Jerks are Jerks.. and so on ....

Angel Chasse (again)