How do you get that lonely?

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

--Blaine Lawson, From the song : How do you get that lonely

I heard this song in the truck with Jim and my sister yesterday, driving down to move some of our stuff. I hadn't heard it before that I remember. I used to be that person.. I had made that call. I realized when I heard that song, that I don't feel that way anymore. I still am depressed and have a lot of things (a lot) to work out.. but I guess that an option of ending my life seems so silly to me now.. but not that long ago, it wasn't that way. I know you can get that lonely. Not lonely like you don't have anyone necessarily, just so lonely that no one understood things or saw them the way I did. So dark, so overwhelming, so incredibly hard. That used to be my life. There are still many days when things get tough for me, and I think that " I would rather be dead, than to be doing this" but -- that doesn't fit into my plans anymore. I don't know why hearing that song made me realize this, but it did, and in a way it feels good. To know that I am going to fight and work towards feeling better, and to feel like there is a tiny light, even if it is a flickering one, at the end of my tunnel.. Things aren't great inside my head, not good, but they must be BETTER, cuz if they weren't, I would still be thinking of death as an option to solve all of my problems. And I don't. So that is good :)
Just felt like sharing that I guess... It might seem like a down and sad post, but really, its not :)

Angel Chasse (again)

PS - moving about 1/3 of our stuff yesterday really put me in some pain today.. I am a baby when it comes to pain :) LOL