What do you do?
Motherhood. Mom. Grandma
What if those things are never going to happen for you?
What if you want more than most anything to be a mother, but your body is just not going to let that happen for you? How do you deal with that?
I struggle. I see kids. I see babies. I see people with babies.. I see people who don't even want babies but have them. I know people who have had abortions... I just dont know what to do with these feelings. I am sure that somewhere, probably even near me... is a support group of some sort, or there are online communities.. I guess my point is how does one just accept this, how does one become ok with the fact that they will never have a child of their own, and that adoption, may never be available for them either.
Is there just an epiphany one day where you can all of the sudden see how great it is to not have to worry about a child, or care for one, or afford one? Cuz if that is the case, I have not yet had that epiphany. Or do you just stop wanting what you can't have one day? Do you see all the positives in your own life as it is now and just stop wanting to add a child to that life? I would really really like to know, because sometimes now it feels like I have been robbed...
It seems to me that being a woman might not entitle you to much in the world, but it seems that everywhere I look, women are having babies. Some planned, some not planned, some loved and cherished.. others not so much. It seems that this is an easy thing. Fall in love CHECK Get married CHECK have a baby (BIG NO CHECK HERE)
I know that to some it seems that I obsess over this one thing. To me it is a big thing. I am not getting any younger. I am not saying that I would even be close to a perfect mother.. no way jose.. but I would LOVE and CHERISH and CARE FOR a baby, and to me, it seems like enough. If you are willing to put that baby above all else and care for it and love it and support and nurture it.. I dont see that as a bad thing. I know that adoption agencies have to be choosy about who they place these precious babies... but does being mentally ill and not having a job right now really mean that I would be any less of a good mother to a child? I dont think so.. but there are some.. many I would guess that do feel that way...
I know this post is angry, and hurtful in the way that it is written, but sometimes I really just dont know what to do with some feelings, and I had to vent somewhere.. where better than the good old world wide web. URGHHHHHHH
1 comment:
Hey you! You have every right to be angry, and sad and hurt. I know that if you ever did have your own children or adopted come that you would have a home full of love and caring to offer. I am so sorry that it hasn't worked out right now, perhaps it is a matter of timing and perhaps we will never know the reason for why this is happening to you. I wish I could help you or give you words of wisdom that might help, but all I can tell you is that you are always more than welcome to talk to me whenever you need to. You are a wonderful person, there is so much more to you than having children. I have never met a person with more ability to love unconditionally, to find the joy in life and spread it around like giving out candy. You have amazing gifts to be able to reach out and help people. I saw such a wonderful spirit in you and it helped me to find out how I wanted to be in this life as well. Perhaps it is a good way to think of it by thinking that you may not right now have any children of your own, and yet you (I know) are caring for many children in the world. Where would they be today without your influence? Please never underestimate the impact you have on people, your kindness and caring do not go unnoticed. ~hugs~ Hopefully this is one of life's mysteries that while aggravating, may have a surprise happy ending.
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